Louisville Poised to Make Strip Clubs More Family-Friendly

LOUISVILLE, KY – Beginning February 1, 2011, you won’t be able to find a few things in Louisville area strip clubs–namely nudity, alcohol, and lapdances–three things that pretty much define strip clubs.  Dancers and patrons will also have to stay a minimum of six feet away from each other.

“I think this is racist or sexist or something,” said dancer Dior La’Jenkins.  “This is how I feed my family and pay my tuition.  How am I supposed to get my tips now?  I’m only 5 foot 1, I can’t reach six feet!”  But there is an upside, she said:  “At least I’ll have some time to work on my homework, get some reading done.  Since I’ll be so far away from the customers now, they won’t be able to see what I’m doing anyway.”

We spoke with Leroy Stillwell, owner and proprietor of the Bust-It-Open Boutique Gentleman’s Club and Bar to get his opinion on the upcoming changes.  “Oh well, yeah, it’s terrible, you know.  Especially now–Valentine’s Day is right around the corner, and that’s always been a big money maker.  But it’s okay though.  We’ve got some ideas, we’re being creative,” he added optimistically.  “We’re adding a day care center, hoping that it’ll draw some more customers.  We’re also renting out space to churches and community groups now–we’ve got 1st Corinthian Leather Baptist holding bible study here next Wednesday.  So we’re hoping that will keep folks coming through.”

Asked about the appropriateness of having children and church functions in a strip club, Stillwell commented, “It’s not like there’s anything scandalous happening here anymore with all these new laws.  You can find more sex and salaciousness on basic cable at noon these days.”

He then added, “I’m also changing the name of the club to The Respectable Lady, because really, I might as fucking well.”

—The Impoverished Times

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oh, louisville.

it was good while it lasted, i guess.

at least we were a worldwide trending topic for a few hours.

fucking cardinals.  😦

good ol louisville education.

more shameful national press for Louisville!  yay!

Principal Peeping Tom

Louisville educator screened surveillance video of teen school sex

OCTOBER 8–A Kentucky principal last month screened school surveillance footage showing two teenagers having sex in the lunchroom and provided lurid play-by-play commentary as fellow educators watched the video in his office. In the wake of a probe of his bizarre behavior, Dave Wilson retired last week as head of Louisville Male High School. According to the below redacted witness reports released by Jefferson County Public Schools officials, on September 3 Wilson summoned several co-workers to his office. They arrived to find a darkened room with five chairs pointed toward a large white screen. Using a projector connected to his laptop, Wilson, pictured at right, screened a ten-minute video showing the teens having sex the prior afternoon. “Hey, baby, why don’t you come over here and grab my pencil,” and “It won’t take me long, I am like the minute man,” were two of Wilson’s comments as the video played, according to witnesses. While the pantsless girl, an 11th grade student, sat in the boy’s lap, Wilson slowed the video down and remarked that the group could watch it in slow motion or he could speed the clip up and “make him go even faster.” At the video’s conclusion, Wilson could be seen approaching the teens. One witness reported that “Wilson and others” had been watching the students in real time, and when they “were finished having sex,” Wilson entered the cafeteria to “run the students out of the building.” The school district’s probe of Wilson also turned up allegations that he showed up to school events intoxicated and made inappropriate comments to students and staff. In a September 29 letter, Wilson announced his retirement, effective after he had used up his remaining vacation and personal days. (6 pages)

more here.

oh and also, this teacher?  also from Louisville.  i love my city!

the 5 worst things about the move

sigh.  sorry for the inconsistent updates here lately.  i have a million excuses if anyone is interested, but i’m gonna assume that nobody really cares.

remember when i started my list of the 5 best and 5 worst things about relocating from philly, pa to lousville, ky, but only had time to post up the good stuff?  well after receiving a complaint inquiry regarding where the hell the rest of it was, i figured id get off my butt and post up the bad.  so!  with no further achoo:

ONE:no more SEPTA. 😦 easily one of the most irritating things about this city.  getting around is a bitch and a HALF, i swear to you.  everything in this city is so spread out and far away from everything else.. getting from one side of the city to the other is pretty much a guaranteed 1 hour bus ride.  what’s that you say?  why don’t i just take the train?  why, i’m glad you asked!  THERE IS NO FREAKIN TRAIN!!  this place is forever bragging about being the 16th largest city and all that jazz.  ha!  talk about never knowing what you got til its gone.  i, for better or worse, have adopted a Big City view of driving and public transportation.  driving is expensive, bad for the environment and a hassle that i’ve become unaccustomed to.  and public transpo, when it’s good, is eco friendly, convenient, and there’s a certain joy that comes with knowing that you’ve always got a designated driver.  the bus system here blows.  it just blows.  i wouldn’t mind it if it didn’t blow so bad, but it blows.  the scheduling is erratic, the routes are ridiculous.  and the stigma against the bus and bus riders here is really annoying.  so overall… i really miss sucky SEPTA and all it’s sucky flaws. 😦

the 5 best things about the move

a lot of folks have been asking me how the big more has gone (if you’re just tuning in, i moved back to my homeland of Louisville, KY, after living in Philly, PA for about four years); how i like it, how things are goin, etc etc.  i don’t know what it is about me, but sometimes i have, like, a mental block that keeps me to responding to comments and questions online and stuff.  i can’t explain it but sometimes its just hard for me to do.  so, for the convenience of all you nosey bastards out there, i decided to comprise a quick list of the 5 best and 5 worst things about the move, beginning with the best things and in no particular order:

ONE:the lower cost of living! in this economy, who wouldn’t enjoy having to pay less money to do necessary shit like eat, drink, have fun, and generally live?  nobody, that’s who!  no clearly, my broke ass hasn’t really had a chance to get out there and be too active on the capitalist playground, but i’m sure its common knowledge that smaller cities mean generally cheaper costs on generally general things.  allow me to offer as an illustration these two craigslist ads, the first for a 1 bedroom apartment near the University of Pennsylvania in Philly, the second a 1 bedroom apartment near the University of Louisville in a similar neighborhood.  and i’ll throw in a third: a TWO bedroom apartment in a similar Louisvillian neighborhood.  not too shabby, eh?  if i ever find a fricken job, i living here could get me to Richy von Moneyheimer status before we know it!

that’s how we do it in louisville, son!

he's got 99 problems but a bitch aint.... oh wait, make that 100 problems.

louisville doesn’t have any pro sports teams.  this may or may not be the reason behind why people here are so fanatical about college sports, particularly the university of louisville (that’s who all the cool louisvillians root for.. the lame loser dummies tend to go for UK).

i dunno how many people outside the region have been following this but.. rick pitino, u of l men’s basketball coach, is in some shit that i find pretty hilarisad (hilarious + sad.  keep up!).  i was told some details abt this scandal last night, and today was slipped a link to a NY Times article about it by a friend.  im sharing it because i really want to give you guys a picture of louisville and how it works.  this is a good snapshot.  this is how we get down in louisville.  we have supposedly open marriages and bang broads in the back of our restaurants and get them pregnant and then pay for their abortions and then get extorted for it all.  side note:  dont you hate it when people do that?  put completely random shit on their hometowns?  ‘that’s how we do it in nap-town, man!  we dont play!  we smack people in the face for NOTHIN!  that’s just what we do!’  ‘who, me?  yeah, i threw a block of cheese at her head.  why?  because shit, that’s how we do it in milwaukee, yo!  we throw blocks of cheese at people, that’s just how we get down!’

anyway.  all that happened/is happening to rick pitino at the moment.  its all detailed in the article.  what isnt in the article, though, is that after the extorting broad in question started getting a little too clingy, she was pretty much passed on to rick’s equipment manager, who subsequently wifed her up.  three years later, wifey catches equipment manager doin the grown-up dance with rick pitino’s son, then tries to use that to her advantage.  that’s what the streets are sayin, anyway.  but i aint one to gossip, so you aint heard that from me!  no you havent!

and i just heard on the news that pitino could lose his job over all this due to a morality clause in his contract.  lol.  what a dummy.

craigslist + job searching in a small city = :(

ugh.

so if you pay attention to the ridiculousness that goes on around here, i appreciate you.  i also assume that you know that i moved outta philly back home to louisville, kentucky, and that im jobless as a motherfreaker right now.  been job searchin in the daytime with a flashlight and in the night time with a… flashlight (sometimes my metaphors don’t work all the way right) and comin up empty handed.

now back in philly, i had a GREAT job.  omg.  best job ever in the world in the history of life.  i found it via craigslist.  i also think i found my apartment via craigslist too when i first got to the city.  i thought it was so cool man.. so many people used it, and it made life really convenient.  shopping, selling, searching, craigslist was *it*.

so i get home and when i start my search, i immediately head to craigslist.  not as much goin on for louisville’s craigslist as there is for philly’s, but there were some really good lookin jobs up there!  i felt confident that i, with all my talent, charms, and wit, wouldn’t be without a job long.

FOUR WEEKS LATER.  i am still living in my mama’s attic watchin tv court shows in my sweats all day.  wtf, craigslist!??!

RIP Static :(

sigh.  i really feel like i lost a cousin right now.

not many ppl know this dude by name or face but Stephen Garrett, aka Static of the r&b group Playa, is one of your favorite producers; you just dont know it.  the group worked closely with Missy, Timbaland, and Aaliyah throughout their career, and Static himself wrote and/or produced the following hits:

for Aaliyah:  ‘We Need a Resolution,’ ‘Try Again,’ ‘Loose Rap,’ ‘Are You That Somebody,’ ‘Rock the Boat,’ ‘More Than A Woman,’ ‘Back in One Piece (feat. DMX),’

for Ginuwine: ‘Pony,’ ‘So Anxious,’ ‘U Owe Me (w/ Nas),’ ‘Same Ol’ G,’

he also did ‘Luv 2 Luv Ya’ for Timbaland & Magoo, ‘Addictive’ for Truth Hurts (remember how big those songs were??), as well as songs for Jamie Foxx, Pretty Ricky, Christina Aquilera, David Banner, Brandy, Lil Wayne & a bunch others.

of the songs listed & mentioned, 5 of them were #1 records.

i’ll be honest, i didn’t know he did all that shit.  lol.  i thought Timbaland did most of them for real.  too amazing.

but to me in my heart, what’s even more amazing is what he did with Playa.  im probably biased, but other than Muhammed Ali, Louisville doesn’t have a lot to hold on to and claim in the world of fame.  but Playa was/is it.  their only album dropped back in 1998, but still, to this very day, 10 years later, they are *still* the pride and joy of black Louisville.  i claim them dudes like family when schoolin these yankees up here on the east coast (and chicago too–hi donnie!) and, as a matter of fact, when i found out that my brother’s first baby’s mama’s stepdad is Black’s cousin (true story people)?  i told EVERYBODY that shit like it meant somethin in the grand scheme of things.  i aint even met the dude nor seen him in real time.  i stress the importance of knowin who these dudes are like they were the damn… i dunno, like they were the first black presidents of the united states.  lol.  imagine how you’d react if someone told you that they had no idea who Martin Luther King was.  that’s EXACTLY how i react when i talk to people who have never heard of Playa.

clearly, the group itself never blew up Kanye style, but still, its important to me that i never felt like they’d forgotten Louisville; the tributes they paid to the city on their album (the Intro, Derby City interlude, & I-65) were more than enough to assure that.  and i wanted want everybody to know what a huge talent these dudes were and still are, both singularly and joined, and further want them to know how proud they were of their locale, cause that means a lot to me as a resident.

i was mad at them dudes for never droppin another album and wondered for the longest what was taking them so long, and now i see.. dudes was busy, man.  especially Static.  but, imo it started with Playa, and that’s where i want to end this entry.  below you’ll find every Playa video and song available on youtube that im aware of, and when i get some decent internet at my crib, i’ll upload the three (tracks that i consider) Louisville tributes from the album, too.

RIP Static.  the music industry misses you.  Louisville does twice as much.