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okay, some background to this video. obviously lizards can’t talk. and obviously this is not a real lizard. the audio is real though; it’s apparently somebody trippin all over himself on acid and just talking completely crazy. i find this to be excruciatingly hilarious.
this guy thinks he’s Captain Knots. thinks he’s Captain Tyin-Knots.
who’s this guy, Mr. Balloons. Mr. Balloon Hands, over here.
HILARIOUS!
hi, all!
sorry for the lag in updates lately 
im not being a wishy-washy jerk this time, i promise. updates will be scarce this month because i’m participating in National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo), which is really, really cool. if you’ve never heard of it before, or have heard of it and just didn’t know what it is, it’s a program/organization/what have you that helps you write a 50,000 word first draft of a novel in 30 days, over the entire month of november. that involves writing at LEAST 1,667 words each and every day. after doing that, the last thing i want to do most times is hop on the interwebs and write about weaves and bad mullets and shit. nothing personal though :/
i did NaNoWriMo in 2005 (i think?) too, so in approx. 24 days, i will have not one, but two shitty novels catching dust in my bedroom. joy! THEN i’ll be able to stop being grossly negligent here. there will be sporadic entries, probably, but bigguns like ridiculous moments in r&b pt. 2 prolly won’t come til december
as a peace offering, i offer you this: i short youtube video entitled “NFL Booty Poppin.” i don’t know about you but this made me extremely happy somehow.
forgive me?? k thanks!!
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so i was up late for video surfing at youtube for no real reason at all last night. while searching for Boyz II Men’s acapella version of ‘can you stand the rain‘ i came across some pretty cool stuff! these are essentiallyglee club-style renditions of some good classics. warning: the audiences are annoying and the sound aint so great.
here’s a nintendo acapella, complete with interpretive dance:
a Nickelodeon medley(whatchall know about The Beets??):
‘thriller,’ also with interpretive dance:
outkast’s ‘the way you move.’ i will admit to doing my own interpretive dance to this:
& this is my fave of the day, largely because of the singer’s fro and because whoever did this arrangement knows enough abt music to be able to link curtis mayfield’s ‘move on up‘ and kanye’s ‘ touch the sky:’
shout out to ‘glee‘ for makin this shit cool again.
i dont think ive laughed this hard at a random snl skit since the pizzeria uno’s pepper joint with bobby moynihan. this is HILARIOUS. jason sudeikis poplockin in the background? the host’s inability to not sing while the biologist is talkin? jason slowin the poplockin down at the end for the sexicutioner? peekaboo street??!! I CANT TAKE IT!!! lol!
here’s the vid that’s on youtube but itll be taken down soon so here’s the hulu link, too.
bravo, keenan. you are a weird motherfucker, and i appreciate that.
i really do. i think she’s got a great voice. but wtf was goin on in her life when this happened?
good thing she was singin this in a church cause it sounds like sister was in great need of some blessing. its like she just learned the song 15 mintues before she went to sing it. i have a feeling that the pianist kicked in not for effect, but to help her find the melody.
but, still nowhere as bad as o-mazing grace. she at least knew the words!
so this year’s ‘dancing with the stars’ lineup was announced and i kinda scratched my head at it. i dont really watch the show, but i know enough about it to think that there may be something a little fishy about mya being in this season’s cast.
the girl’s a professional dancer! right?? that’s her thing. is that fair to the other contestants, who include a snowboarder, a huge champion mma fighter, a teenage witch and a pair of teeth with legs? hardly seems fair, no? they dont mention mya’s training as a dancer on their page. conspiracy? cahoots? it makes one scratch the chin!
everybody seems to be more surprised by former house majority leader tom delay’s inclusion in the cast, but let me tell you what. he just may be the one to watch for, because david gregory showed us all on the Today show that fuddy duddies in starched suits can get DOWN with they bad selfs! matter fact, they should have put *him* in the cast. id watch every show, faithfully.
okay so yall remember when shakira could dance?
turns out that was all just lies and propaganda. or maybe we just assumed that all the hip rolling and shaking stuff she did meant that if she ever had to do any other dancing, she’d be good at it.
well. i just watch what i think is her latest video, ’she wolf,’ and…
before i continue with my hate, let me point out the great things about this video. she looks GREAT. and the stuff in the cage (for the most part)? very sexy. okay, that’s all the good there is.
she looks INSANE!! lol! did someone choreograph this?? like take time to actually map out and time these moves? i think maybe she just had everybody so fooled by the hip action that they were like ‘okay so for this video, we’re gonna have shakira dancing. that’s pretty much it, she’s just gonna dance. maybe we should get a choreographer? nah, she’s shakira! she can dance! we’ll just let her wing it!’ and this is what they got. now ive taken the liberty to point out some of her best moves.
at around the 0:35 mark, we get a good 5 seconds of the Vagina Slice
at 0:55 we get some kind of bizarro crazy modified version of crumping
we get a little more at 1:12
2:48 gives us some kind of weird arm action that i cant even think of an inventive name for
and as a big finale we’re treated to some batshit interpretive dance of some sort.
…if i ever walk in a club and catch one of yall dancin like this, ima whoop your ENTIRE ass. promise.
oh and also the song is ass. what’s with the tired little ‘awoooooooo’ wolf noise? lol. shakira, i hereby sentence you to a nap in hopes that you’ll wake up with some good sense.
the new jack swing obsession continues!
maybe im getting old, but given the bullshit that’s passing for r&b these days, im ready to declare the late 80s/mid-early 90s the new golden age. today im escaping from the absolute utter madness of what has become my everyday life enjoying some me-time, and have a playlist of NJS stuff (defined here if u need it, for some odd reason) that ive been playing while i get my uber feminine girlness on, and i noticed… there was a lot of ridiculous stuff that happened in/with/concerning these songs and their artists. i made mental note of a short list, and in no particular order the winners are (this will be a long one, but at least it will be full of good music for u to listen to):
so, im still on this new jack swing kick, right, and ive been on youtube doin the wop down memory lane for the better part of the last two weeks and i randomly remembered a girl group that nobody else seems to remember: V.O.I.C.E.S, also billed as The Voices, apparently.
so okay, you know how on sister sister, tia and tamara were always freakin singing on the show? they had okay voices, but really u just wanted them to stop with the catterwauling and yell at roger to go home? weeeeeeeeell guess what! they were in this group! well they were kind of in this group. apparently they were in the video for the first single, ‘yeah yeah yeah,’ and did background vocals, but according to wikipedia, they werent actually in the group.
check my man’s ducktail around the 2:30 mark. lmao. also, the random african wardrobery for no apparent reason. i love it.
in addition to those songs, i also remember two more: ‘m.m.d.r.n.f. (my mama didn’t raise no fool)’ and ‘cloudy with a chance of tears.’ nobody else does but me
anybody??!
im thinking it must be. cause i mean the way i see it, and ladies, maybe you’ll feel me here, but you know that dude that steps to you mad inappropriately as you’re on your way to work or the bus or wherever you may be going? ‘damn shawty that ass is fat! yo man can’t treat that right, let me hold that real quick!’ now for us classy broads with standards and offendable sensibilities, we are appalled. we are disgusted that this motherfucker just stepped to us that way, that he thinks this is a good idea. we cannot believe that this works on anyone, ever.
but it does! it has to. if it didnt work, he’d switch it up. somewhere, somebody out there is giggling and taking out her eyeliner to write her number on his palm or some Zane-esque shit like that.
i feel like this is sort of the same thing. im sittin on my couch and im just bombarded with black people doin spoken word tryna sell me some shit and i just get so angry. like yo! why is this the way you feel like you need to communicate with me, mcdonald’s? is Rhyme the secret native language of African America? subway, what is your excuse? are you tryin to make up for the lack of hot sauce and collard greens in ur new tuscan chicken melt by wrapping it in really bad poetry? i will grant you this though.. the last dude? the one that goes ‘whaaaaaat?‘ he’s type funny. i will approve of him. but nothing else!
but really though, it has to be working. its been goin on for far too long. i think maybe it’s the safe bet on how to reach out to black people. poetry is corny, pretentious and masturbatory classy. big natural hair is like a two-for-one affirmative action special the international symbol for self-love and acceptance, superficially/stereotypically. SOMEbody is sittin at home when this shit comes on, headwrapped in a cloud of nag champa, makin plans to get a mccafe to give as an offering to please the god Shango. i just know it. who is it? who amongst you is it?? STAND AND BE RIDICULED!
i know these aint new but i been meanin to publicly shake my head at them for awhile.
hate that damn guy. not dwele, the dude in the beginning. ask me, this is way cooler.
