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okay, some background to this video. obviously lizards can’t talk. and obviously this is not a real lizard. the audio is real though; it’s apparently somebody trippin all over himself on acid and just talking completely crazy. i find this to be excruciatingly hilarious.
this guy thinks he’s Captain Knots. thinks he’s Captain Tyin-Knots.
who’s this guy, Mr. Balloons. Mr. Balloon Hands, over here.
HILARIOUS!
more shameful national press for Louisville! yay!
Principal Peeping Tom
Louisville educator screened surveillance video of teen school sex
OCTOBER 8–A Kentucky principal last month screened school surveillance footage showing two teenagers having sex in the lunchroom and provided lurid play-by-play commentary as fellow educators watched the video in his office. In the wake of a probe of his bizarre behavior, Dave Wilson retired last week as head of Louisville Male High School. According to the below redacted witness reports released by Jefferson County Public Schools officials, on September 3 Wilson summoned several co-workers to his office. They arrived to find a darkened room with five chairs pointed toward a large white screen. Using a projector connected to his laptop, Wilson, pictured at right, screened a ten-minute video showing the teens having sex the prior afternoon. “Hey, baby, why don’t you come over here and grab my pencil,” and “It won’t take me long, I am like the minute man,” were two of Wilson’s comments as the video played, according to witnesses. While the pantsless girl, an 11th grade student, sat in the boy’s lap, Wilson slowed the video down and remarked that the group could watch it in slow motion or he could speed the clip up and “make him go even faster.” At the video’s conclusion, Wilson could be seen approaching the teens. One witness reported that “Wilson and others” had been watching the students in real time, and when they “were finished having sex,” Wilson entered the cafeteria to “run the students out of the building.” The school district’s probe of Wilson also turned up allegations that he showed up to school events intoxicated and made inappropriate comments to students and staff. In a September 29 letter, Wilson announced his retirement, effective after he had used up his remaining vacation and personal days. (6 pages)
more here.
oh and also, this teacher? also from Louisville. i love my city!
Steve Harvey wins/loses!
soooooo. MTV’s Video Music Awards wrapped about 30 minutes ago, and unless you’re living under a rock or are otherwise not well-versed in Internet, you’ve probably heard about all the controversies. Kanye’s new storming of the stage and the hissyfit he brought with him. Lady Gaga’s torso having it’s period in the middle of her performance. Pink goin’ Cirque du Soleil on all you bastards. since those big events are all the buzz, i won’t spend too much time on them. i do wanna say a little somethin about the show tho. overall, it actually didn’t suck. i didn’t walk away from it feeling that i had totally wasted 5 hours of my life that i will never get back. that’s typically my feeling after this little shindig. and after each BET Award show. and the Source Awards (lmao. remember when the Source had an award show? lol. horrible idea). it was actually a fairly good show… it held my attention beginning to end thanks to the MJ tribute in the beginning and all the stuff that wasn’t supposed to happen/no one expected thereafter. these, in my opinion, were (some of) the highlights of the evening for me:
if you can’t read the text, it says:
The Love Rug strokes your bodies as you make love. Once you feel the sensuous delight of the furry Love Rug, you’ll never go back to an ordinary bed again. As you stroke, it strokes. The incredibly soft, furlike fibers caress your bodies from head to toe. It’s almost like having another lover there with the two of you. The Love Rug is as beautiful to look at as it is to feel. Only another animal of its stripe could tell that it wasn’t real fur. Only$150 for you favorite animal texture. Choose Mink, Lynx, or Jaguar. But be sure to order now!
LOL. don’t this sound like some shit from ‘Anchorman?’ i put money on it that dude wore Sex Panther to the photoshoot. (from rad-dudes.com)
i really do. i think she’s got a great voice. but wtf was goin on in her life when this happened?
good thing she was singin this in a church cause it sounds like sister was in great need of some blessing. its like she just learned the song 15 mintues before she went to sing it. i have a feeling that the pianist kicked in not for effect, but to help her find the melody.
but, still nowhere as bad as o-mazing grace. she at least knew the words!
okay so yall remember when shakira could dance?
turns out that was all just lies and propaganda. or maybe we just assumed that all the hip rolling and shaking stuff she did meant that if she ever had to do any other dancing, she’d be good at it.
well. i just watch what i think is her latest video, ’she wolf,’ and…
before i continue with my hate, let me point out the great things about this video. she looks GREAT. and the stuff in the cage (for the most part)? very sexy. okay, that’s all the good there is.
she looks INSANE!! lol! did someone choreograph this?? like take time to actually map out and time these moves? i think maybe she just had everybody so fooled by the hip action that they were like ‘okay so for this video, we’re gonna have shakira dancing. that’s pretty much it, she’s just gonna dance. maybe we should get a choreographer? nah, she’s shakira! she can dance! we’ll just let her wing it!’ and this is what they got. now ive taken the liberty to point out some of her best moves.
at around the 0:35 mark, we get a good 5 seconds of the Vagina Slice
at 0:55 we get some kind of bizarro crazy modified version of crumping
we get a little more at 1:12
2:48 gives us some kind of weird arm action that i cant even think of an inventive name for
and as a big finale we’re treated to some batshit interpretive dance of some sort.
…if i ever walk in a club and catch one of yall dancin like this, ima whoop your ENTIRE ass. promise.
oh and also the song is ass. what’s with the tired little ‘awoooooooo’ wolf noise? lol. shakira, i hereby sentence you to a nap in hopes that you’ll wake up with some good sense.
i officially demand a cease and desist order on this America’s Got Talent BS. they’ve done it again. taken another person deemed, by social standards, unattractive, and gone wild because she can hold a tune. remember that susan boyle business? and that other dude, the opera singer? okay, the opera singer could actually sing. but these other two? come on! they’ve clearly found a formula that works, and they’re milking it for all its worth for ratings.
1) find a rather homely person (note: this is not to say that i find these particular people homely, unattractive, or anything. its just painfully evident that they expect the general populace to feel that way, and i believe that they do)
2) have them tell their story, bonus points if it includes them having sad/lonely childhoods/no boyfriends or girlfriends/etc, and make the insinuation clear that it is because they look the way they do. oh and be sure to play sad music as they speak; itll remind the viewer to pity him/her.
3) have the judges gush and rant and rave no matter how average they may sound. ta-daa!
i mean okay. like i said. the opera dude had a great voice. but the other two? especially susan boyle? if u were to sit blindfolded in a room and never saw them before they started singing, you’d be like ‘eh, they’re alright. they aint no patti lupone tho.’ and u know it.
shame on this show for this. also, shame on this show for making fucking nick cannon the host. wtf, WHY!?
really, white people? yall thought this was wise?
holy balls!! i cant even remember what delicious path of light and luck i was travelling down when i stumbled upon this gem but, omg. this shit is marvelous for several reasons, which i shall detail to you right here and right now.
1. the title. this book is called BIRTH CONTROL IS SINFUL IN THE CHRISTIAN MARRIAGES and also ROBBING GOD OF PRIESTHOOD CHILDREN!! just like that. all capital letters. think im lyin? look up there at the book cover.
2. the cover. between everything being written in capital letters, and my girl’s hair and outfit, its safe to say that the only thing that can make this cover any better is ninjas and unicorns. also, i dont know if u can see it, but beneath that lovely picture is a little by-line that gives u a hint to the goodness to be had once you compose yourself enough to get past the brilliance of the cover and actually open the book: MANY FALSE CHRIST MARRIAGES ARE LIVING ON BIRTH CONTROL AND NOW LEADING THE AMERICAN CHURCH WEALTH! o shit! u see that exclamation point? its about to get real!
oh also i should point this out… dont let the early 90s bumper curl fool you. this book was published in 2008.
3. the entire book is written in capital letters. i shit you not. look at this screenshot:
