Monthly Archives: January 2008

get the f*ck up!

lol.  so i dont know if anybody watches the Bad Girls Club on oxygen or not but its a FABULOUS show.  and by fabulous i mean absolutely absurd and borderline embarrassing. 

i mean when you think of it in terms of real world functionality, it’s the worst idea ever.  get a bunch of broads with horrendous attitudes, put them in a house together, and… that’s it.  its not like Real World on mtv, where they put people together to watch their lives and ideals change, give them jobs, send them on trips, all that other shit.  its not like Charm School, where they’ll be given ‘life lessons’ and ‘taught ettiquette’ and ‘helped’ with the problems in their lives (please pay attention to the quotation marks used in all that, they’re very important).  shit its not even Flavor of Love where the girls on the show are embarrassing themselves while working toward a common goal.  these Bad Girls bitches ain’t there to do nothin but fight.  and that’s all they do.

i’ll come back to this topic and expound on the show more later, but suffice it to say, its pretty entertaining in my opinion.  its fun playing the voyuer when you’re classier than the people you’re spying on.

anyway, i brought this up to share this video with you; i just stumbled upon it.  on the episode before last, one of the craziest chicks in the house just totally flipped and decided to wake the house up, project marching band style.  somebody set it to music and while–clearly–its not the smoothest musical mix your ears will hear, i just could not stop sniggling. 

it’s gon raaaain on yo’ head

okay, let’s do this ‘page six‘ blind item style.  ready?

what North Carolinian hippety hop rapper acted as one of the billions of little brown childrens on the set of black blockbuster The Color Purple

gray hat, standing

got a clue?  i bet you’re wrong.

Continue reading

new gnarls barkley!

yes!

i feel like mario & luigi shld be in there somewhere.

even when my dude was with goodie mob, i always said that id sit and listen to cee-lo sing the phone book for the rest of my life if the good shepherd ever presented me with the option.  i loved the first gnarls album, now im pretty fricken geeked for the second.

i was gonna blog abt the announcement of the album anyway, but luck decided to be a lady and reveal herself in the form of this blog.  click that link to download ‘run,’ a new cut from the duo, and this one to read the rolling stone’s review of the album.

hey, if u listen to it, let me know how it is.  i cant download it @ work, and Lucille, my home computer, is in a coma right now (get better, boo!).

somehow i never knew his teeth were that white & flawless.  with his mouth closed, he looks like he shld have teeth like the hessian from ‘sleepy hollow.’

Making the Band 4-season 2, ep. 1

either i’m outgrowing my past beloved trashy reality tv shows, or my beloved trashy reality tv shows are getting boring.

that said, im still gonna hold out hope for Making the Band, mainly because of the fights promised later on down the line. 

i think i remember watching danity kane’s season, but for the life of me i cant remember too much abt it, so im sort of just getting to know the female cast of characters this season.  i remember andrea being really, really pretty, and i remember the married chick’s mouth doing something disturbingly weird when she sang.   she looks like a weird mix of a bird and the joker from batman (pick any version, she look like all of em).  and i remember aubry just looking kind of… cleanly dirty.  like if you gave pig pen a bath, he wldnt be dirty any more, but he still wldn’t look clean, you know what i mean?  her weave is horrible and it looks like it smells like bacon grease and lemon pledge. 

and then the others… i just didnt really remember at all.  but to cover them all, here’s a group photo.  they managed to clean them up nicely, at least.

dkane.jpg
that’s jokermouth over on the right hand side.

i’m really having trouble understanding why poppa diddy puffa puff picked this particular hodgepodge of girls.  they harmonize well together but they dont blow me away, and individually, their voices are forgettable.. they’re not very pretty, imo, with the exception of andrea.  well, i guess that not true.. the one darkskinned girl with the asymmetrical wig cap is pretty, but the fact that she has a fucking wig cap renders her attractiveness nearly *totally* null and void.  that’s some philly shit that she just needs to leave alone.

so that’s the girls.  onto the guys.. though they have better voices, im finding the lot of them forgettable, too.  the ones that stood out in my memory are willy (DELICIOUS) and the big dude.

willy
i’d make a sammich out of him..
..but he looks hungry all the time.

so basically the format of the show–

oh wait, there’s the big eared over-gelled mouse lookin kid too.  picture you’re typical bleached blond jersey boy and you’ll pretty much have it right.

so basically the format of the show is that all three acts–danity kane, the dudes (do they have a band/group name yet?) and donnie, the solo act (hey look!  i remembered another name!) will all live underneath one roof and work on their albums.  they have 5 months to complete the best album possible.  the losers will get fed to puffy poppa diddy bop’s league of midget minions.  the winner/s get their very own shiny suits and a prayer circle led by Mase (eh-eh, eh-eh). 

puffy pop pop kept the assholery to a minimum this episode, but im praying that that will change, and it probably will.  to my surprise, he didnt call anyone fat, but he did get aubry to make this face:

puff:  ‘yo weave aint gon fuck up my money!

lol.  he basically told her that she’s wack and she needs to not be wack or she’s outta there like a Destiny’s Child member. 

here’s basically what happened the rest of the show:

*everyone gets in a limo to go out, boys sit on one side, girls on the other*

aubry:  how come u guys are so quiet?!

guys:  ….

*everyone gets in the club, has some shots*

girls:  woooo!

boys:  YEEEEAH!

girls:  WOOOOOO!

boys:  DAAANG!

girls:  OMG OMG OMG WOOOO!

*cut to shot of donnie & aubry*

aubry:  im gonna be ur succubus, lol!

donnie:  cool, what’s that?

aubry:  *booty in crotch*

donnie:  WOOOO!

*cut to random shot*

aubry: omg, boys, we’re danity kane!

*cut to a different random shot*

aubry:  do u know who we are?  we’re danity fucking kane!

*lather, rinse, repeat*

aubry:  i dont need your money, im in danity kane and we went platinum!

me: BITCH STFU.

overall it was cool for what it was, but it wasnt all that (c) ______________.*  but granted, its just the first show.  they havent had time to hate each other yet, but its a-comin.

tell u what tho, i miss boom kat already.  😦  oh btw, remember that 15 minutes of fame she’s been milking album she’s been workin on?  listen to a cut from it here

* – if u cant place that quote, me & u aint friends no more.

** – i jacked all these pics from mtv.com.

things you don’t know about nick cannon.

thanks to this guy @ Off the Books for this delicious morsel of information. 

according to wikipedia.org:

-he moved to hollywood when he was 16 

-he was a writer on nickelodeon’s kenan & kel show

-he has herpes simplex 1.

canongotherpes2.jpg

LMAO.  true or not, i think i love the hater that wrote that article.

kanye gets dissed by… peven everett?

i was hipped to this whole thing by this dude right here

firstly, it has come to my attn that not many ppl know who peven everett is.  peven everett is awesome, and it makes sense that with a name like peven, u pretty much have to be.  go hip urself, then come back:  http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=46043533

dont worry, i’ll wait.

…..

 done?  good.

so he has a song dissing kanye west.  LOL already.  like… how random is that?  and its awesome because it starts out:

‘so this what’s up, man.  this dude been hatin me for awhile.  he gon say im a unknown artist… but u got ur folks sendin me emails?  yeah?  aight?  okay, that’s what’s up?  it aint gon take me but a minute to let you know, playa.. i ain’t buy nunna my awards.’

so im like oh, okay, pev.. i aint really heard you get made before so im intrigued.. now im still wonderin why the hell peven fricken everett has beef with kanye, but at this point im interested in hearin it spelled out, and then…

 …a house/techno type beat comes on.  lol!  wtf?! now im not comfortable with callin this a gay beat, cause really, iont believe it is.  i actually like the beat.  but i can completely see everybody in Bump (they have a FANTASTIC happy hour, btw) dancin their lil stud collared asses off on a rainy friday evening.  what im sayin is that its just such an unconventional way to come at somebody musically. 

(ive been tryin to get the video to embed, but it hates me… u can find it here.)

and like some of the stuff he says..

‘i heard you bite my rhymes?’ 

really, peven?  like really?  u heard kanye bite some of ur rhymes?  for real?  like… really?

peven i love u, but u need more people.  it may very well be the truth, im just not buyin it.  i AM curious abt what brought this on, though.

this made me happy; random beef apparently makes me feel warm inside, and i dont think ive felt this warm since Jack Benson came at Sisqo.  good job, Pev!

scarlett johansson clearly wants to fight.

im not tryin to turn this place into Obama Central.  though i wouldnt mind if it was, i know a few whinin ass men who would have somethin smart to say abt it (i see you, troy!).  but, i am sad to report that any ties that scarlett johansson and i have* are in danger of being severed.  look @ this tripe–i found it in today’s metro & then found it @ people.com:

“I am engaged … to Barack Obama,” Johansson, 23, announced to Associated Press reporters as she returned from a her USO tour to the Persian Gulf. “My heart belongs to Barack, and that is who I am currently, finally, engaged to. Yes.”

….

hey, nichole.. i move that we put our own personal beef over Obama aside and go ride on this lil hollywood harlot.  agreed?

* – by ‘personal ties’ i mean im not gonna see no more movies with her in it.  though i cant think of any ive seen with her in it.  i liked her though, and she finna fuck that all up to be damned!

‘nice job, jesse! oops, i mean obama!’

im never the first to hear about shit.  my interest in politics has always been near non-existant, and other than barack obama lookin like a bacon & egg sammich to me, i havent really paid much attention to anything going on until recently.  as such, my commentary on bill’s reaction to obama’s win in south carolina is a couple of days late.

quoth bill the clinton:

“Jesse Jackson won South Carolina in ’84 and ’88.  Jackson ran a good campaign. And Obama ran a good campaign here.”

…daaaaaaaaaaaaaamn!  wtf!

im gonna be honest here and admit that the natural hater in me stood up inside my soul and applauded wildly because *that* shit is some pure grade A prime cut hateration for that ass.  he compared my delicious Obama sandwhich to day old Jesse Jackson meat surprise, and really, a comparison to Jackson is a searing, cutting insult.  like id be ready to fight if somebody compared me or my mama to Jesse Jackson.  in the streets.  with brass knuckles.  or shit without brass knuckles, i dont care, if u comparin me to someone who is at least *seen* as a big joke, i got honor to defend.  so, game recognizes game.  clinton landed a good blow.

but all that aside, fuck bill clinton for that yo!  i mean i wish he would have just kept it all the way real, pretended he was in the privacy of his own home for a second, eatin a baloney and egg sammich with his feet propped up on a coffee table (in my head, that is bill clinton’s favorite snacktime snack), and said: ‘so what, darkie!  remember what happened the last time your kind tried for this and got south carolina?  NOTHIN!  have a blessed day!’

 i mean really.  and like i dont wanna foo foo on jesse havin the balls to run for the presidency when he did, but come on.  jesse never had a viable chance.  obama does, and to compare his run now to jesse’s then totally strips him of that.  and for a statement like that to come from a campaign that contends that race doesnt matter?  are u serious?! this shit is like a KKK & jigaboo stew, just chock full of race relations, prejudices and vitamin D + calcium. 

you know, as of like a week ago i had no idea who i was pulling for, but as this sort of mudslinging goes on, im really being distanced from hillary, and her loudmouthed husband is helping out with that a great deal.  like they’re just not likeable people, and i think that in addition to having good ideas, plans, goals, and just being a good politician.. you have to be likeable.  i cld be flawed in thinking so, but im a right-brainer.  highly emotional.  i need to see some strain of humanity in you for me to decide that you’re okay in my book. 

watch it, billy boy.  the acid brilliance of your tongue just may fuck up things for your wife.

 

…that was a *really* good jab.  omg.

i think i have a new favorite video

so my number one music video of all time is, of course, d’angelo’s ‘untitled.’ im a girl, sue me. i can’t think of most of my other favorites right now, but kenna’s ‘hell bent‘ is definitely one of them. and foo fighters ‘big me‘ (that shit came out in 1995, yo. aint that crazy??). oh, and jamiroquai’s ‘virtual insanity‘ was fricken awesome. i had such high hopes for that guy and his hat. and for nostaliga’s sake–and does anyone else remember this besides me??–the young n da restless’ ‘b-girls.’ this was back when we aint have cable at my mama nem’s house, so me and my big brother stayed watchin the Box.

quick random story–i was always forbidden to call and order videos on the Box and it made me so mad because i aaaaaaalways wanted to see ‘parents just dont understand’ and it would never, EVER come on. so my young, dumb ass decides one day when im home alone to just call and order it because my mom wasn’t home and she’d never know. i clearly had never seen a phone bill before or knew how that worked at the time. so i call and i order my video. let me also mention that i never win anything. that’ll come in handy later in this story. so i call and order my video and i dont even think i watched the station long enough to see the damn thing. but, life proceeds as usual. moms doesnt say anything about me callin, i figure im in the clear. bout three weeks later, i get some drumsticks addressed to me in the mail, and they had the Jukebox logo on them. i had been entered in some damn contest and won. won and lost at the same time. welcome to my life.

anyway.

i think i have a new favorite video! i was hipped to it @ concreteloop.com. i wish i was equally excited about he song, but erykah badu’s new ‘honey’ video is really, really awesome. full of personality & nostalgia–i felt like a G cause i could recognize most of the album covers in the video.

great job, erykah. if you have a moment or two, go holler at ur girl janet and teach her the right way to put out a video for the first time in a long while.

and seriously, let me know if anybody out there remembers that ‘b-girls’ video. 

michelle obama to the clintons: ‘stfu, hax!’

i dunno how old this is, and tactic wise, i dont know how much of this is new.  and when it comes to politics, i dont know nothin bout nothin.  but even i know that hilary and bill been on some othershit with the mudslingin lately.  like, for real.  let ME be obama’s wife.  i’d be ready to see either one of them clintons in a dark alley over them talkin wreckless about my man.  i never even considered how his *real* wife (i’m hatin, btw) feels abt it and what she’s said, if anything at all.

today though, i run across this.  now i admit, my personal feelings for Obama have kept me from liking or even considering his wife at all.  it kinda kills my lusting for him, you know?  but, i have to say that her response was well put together and professional while retaining a bit of bite and venom, and i respect that.  i bet i know what she really wanted to say though.  allow me to translate:

“In the past week or two, another candidate’s spouse has been getting an awful lot of attention. ”  – translation:  “Oh I’m sorry, Bill, I didn’t know YO punk ass was runnin for president again.  What’s that?  You’re not?  Oh.  …stfu then.”

“We knew getting into this race that Barack would be competing … with Senator Clinton and President Clinton at the same time.” – translation:  “You owe her after creepin up in somebody else’s sheets.  We understand that, homie.”

“We expected that Bill Clinton would tout his record from the nineties and talk about Hillary’s role in his past success. That’s a fair approach and a challenge we are prepared to face. ” –  translation:  “True, yall did what yall did and everything, and it was cool and all, I’m not hatin on that.”

“What we didn’t expect, at least not from our fellow Democrats, are the win-at-all-costs tactics we’ve seen recently. We didn’t expect misleading accusations that willfully distort Barack’s record.”  – translation:  “Yall muhfkers is DIRTY.  If yall want a fight, you goin after the wrong person, COME SEE ME.”

“Barack Obama isn’t relying on a former president of the United States to campaign for him.” – translation:  “Hillary Clinton is relying on a former president of the United States to campaign for her.  …Bitch.”

“He’s relying on us — you, me, and hundreds of thousands of people like us who are giving whatever they can afford to support this movement.  Please stand up in the face of these new attacks. Make your first online donation of $50 today and own a piece of this campaign …” – translation:  “The doors of the church are open.  We’ll start the collection plate at the left side of the sanctuary.”

now once again.  i do NOT think hillary clinton is a bitch at all.  i actually respect her a great deal.  but all i know is if *i* was married to Obama and she & her dude get to talkin like they have been?  all bets are off.  it’s go time.

i guess that’s why im not married to Obama.

sigh.  pour me another drink.