Monthly Archives: February 2008

RIP Static :(

sigh.  i really feel like i lost a cousin right now.

not many ppl know this dude by name or face but Stephen Garrett, aka Static of the r&b group Playa, is one of your favorite producers; you just dont know it.  the group worked closely with Missy, Timbaland, and Aaliyah throughout their career, and Static himself wrote and/or produced the following hits:

for Aaliyah:  ‘We Need a Resolution,’ ‘Try Again,’ ‘Loose Rap,’ ‘Are You That Somebody,’ ‘Rock the Boat,’ ‘More Than A Woman,’ ‘Back in One Piece (feat. DMX),’

for Ginuwine: ‘Pony,’ ‘So Anxious,’ ‘U Owe Me (w/ Nas),’ ‘Same Ol’ G,’

he also did ‘Luv 2 Luv Ya’ for Timbaland & Magoo, ‘Addictive’ for Truth Hurts (remember how big those songs were??), as well as songs for Jamie Foxx, Pretty Ricky, Christina Aquilera, David Banner, Brandy, Lil Wayne & a bunch others.

of the songs listed & mentioned, 5 of them were #1 records.

i’ll be honest, i didn’t know he did all that shit.  lol.  i thought Timbaland did most of them for real.  too amazing.

but to me in my heart, what’s even more amazing is what he did with Playa.  im probably biased, but other than Muhammed Ali, Louisville doesn’t have a lot to hold on to and claim in the world of fame.  but Playa was/is it.  their only album dropped back in 1998, but still, to this very day, 10 years later, they are *still* the pride and joy of black Louisville.  i claim them dudes like family when schoolin these yankees up here on the east coast (and chicago too–hi donnie!) and, as a matter of fact, when i found out that my brother’s first baby’s mama’s stepdad is Black’s cousin (true story people)?  i told EVERYBODY that shit like it meant somethin in the grand scheme of things.  i aint even met the dude nor seen him in real time.  i stress the importance of knowin who these dudes are like they were the damn… i dunno, like they were the first black presidents of the united states.  lol.  imagine how you’d react if someone told you that they had no idea who Martin Luther King was.  that’s EXACTLY how i react when i talk to people who have never heard of Playa.

clearly, the group itself never blew up Kanye style, but still, its important to me that i never felt like they’d forgotten Louisville; the tributes they paid to the city on their album (the Intro, Derby City interlude, & I-65) were more than enough to assure that.  and i wanted want everybody to know what a huge talent these dudes were and still are, both singularly and joined, and further want them to know how proud they were of their locale, cause that means a lot to me as a resident.

i was mad at them dudes for never droppin another album and wondered for the longest what was taking them so long, and now i see.. dudes was busy, man.  especially Static.  but, imo it started with Playa, and that’s where i want to end this entry.  below you’ll find every Playa video and song available on youtube that im aware of, and when i get some decent internet at my crib, i’ll upload the three (tracks that i consider) Louisville tributes from the album, too.

RIP Static.  the music industry misses you.  Louisville does twice as much.

black history month spotlight: Disco Rick & the Dogs

this is Disco Rick. he wants to sing and dance with your children. now before you say no and gather your babies and run screaming ‘bedlam!’ in the streets, hear me out.

i think you’ll feel a little better when i tell you who Disco Rick is. you remember that song ‘Your Mama’s On Crack Rock?‘ if the title (and link) somehow elude you, it was a very important song that helped raise awareness of the chronic childhood teasing that the children of crackheads often face. that should make you feel better, my beautiful nubians, but if it doesn’t, hang in there.
Disco Rick is a big name in Miami bass music history. as his wikipedia entry states, “Rick began his music career with the Gucci Crew in the early 1980s, mixing music and writing lyrics that would go on to help define the Miami sound.” hear that? this man helped to define the music of an entire city. after making a name for himself, he then quit all that and went to making songs exclusively featuring a bunch of young, vulnerable, loudmouthed unfortunate-haired kids on both on the chorus and in the videos.

now who else was giving kids like this a chance? nobody, that’s who. nobody but Disco Rick. 

Disco Rick had other hits (i’m guessing,) but to my knowledge, very few people outside of Miami have a recollection of the classic “The Nasty Dance.” in context, the setup is perfect: he’s in Miami, on the beach, plenty of thongged, bikini-clad beach bunnies available to grind, gyrate, and air-hunch in the video. and oh, there’s gyrating. there’s air-hunching.

but its those same little crack rock kids doin the hunching.

there are several things (clearly) wrong with this video. first, Disco Rick is not the only grown ass man dancing in this pre-pubescent fountain. there are two muscley, sweaty twins dancing very erratically. remember the black panther type people dance-marching at the beginning of the ‘fight the power’ video? imagine them on the PCP. that’s what these twins are doing.

there is a little girl in the video, probably around 5 or 6 years old i gather, who is seemingly the only one who has any sense. in the beginning, she looks at Disco Rick and asks ‘what are you doing?’ while making a face that plainly says ‘..what in the blue hell is YOUR problem, punchy?’

in the beginning, you’re rooting like shit for this little girl, praying that she will walk away with hips that have not yet humped or bumped or grinded or anything before their time. but…

..fucking Disco Rick gets to her too.

i totally forgot that i was supposed to be convincing you that its okay to let your kids hang out with Disco Rick. fuck it, i got nothin. find these babies’ parents and charge them with neglect, asap.

just in time for women’s history month.. be Plies’ ‘bust it baby’

to tell you the truth, im not too sure what a ‘bust it baby’ is, but im pretty sure that its not something that young women, or old women, and especially black women, should be aspiring to be.

now ima tell you somethin else–i watch a lot of bullshit. . like, trashy reality television is my thing.  i watched, very proudly, the first 2 seasons of ‘flavor of love,’ both seasons of ‘i love new york,’ and im currently trying to stomach through ‘flavor of love 3.’  what can i say?  i like feeling superior to people.  its fun to me.  and reality shows are the greatest thing for that.

but this shit i dont want nary a part of.

pardon me while i go weep with the ancestors.

alycia lane works white woman voodoo; up for potential pardon

lol.  i love america guys.  really i do.  i think what i love most is that tried and true standardized american story:

girl reads news.  boy reads news.  girl meets boy.  girl likes boy.  boy is married.  girl sends suggestive bikini pictures of self to boy.  boy’s wife finds pictures.  story is leaked to press.  girl retains job.  girl travels to new york. girl punches cop, calls her a dyke.  girl gets arrested, charged with felony.  story shames employer.  girl is put on paid leave.  girl is eventually fired.

so you’d think this is the end of the line for her, eh?  i mean its a felony.  she was a news reporter and she totally screwed that up.  but no, wait!  girl can have felony and the entire ugly incident completely wiped off her record forever if she stays clean for 6 months!

welcome to america, where we inifinitely believe in second chances.  for some people.  particularly hot ones. 

she’s also supposedly in phoenix, az, working on a book about her life.  next stop:  REALITY TV.  JUST WAIT AND SEE.

does oscar still love good impersonations?

if so, jamie foxx could very well be up for another one.  he’ll be starring as mike tyson in a biopic about the crazed allah-loving, child eating boxer according to starpulse.com, which im sure is an insanely reliable source.

 id be more interested in a flick about the life and times of Carl ‘The Tooth’ Williams.. i feel like that’ll take more acting chops than a whimsical 2 hr impersonation.

Obama Visits Longhorns, Heismans Hillary

AUSTIN, TEXAS — Presidential hopeful Barack Obama paid a visit to the University of Texas today.  Obama, no doubt attempting to win favor in the pivotal state, took a time out from preparing for tonight’s debate with rival Hillary Clinton to chop it up with students and faculty there.

The last leg of his visit to the campus lead him to the athletic offices.  He was allowed to hold Earl Campbell’s Heisman trophy and was inspecting it when he seemed to grow distant,

it when someone asked him, very informally, “So, what do you really think about Hillary Clinton?”

Obama took a breath and said “Shawty fine.”  Looking around the room and seeing a sea of puzzled stares, he added, as if to clarify, “…Breath stank.”  He then commenced moving to the left, then to the right, and to the left and then right again.

Since this performance, there has been quite a quiet outrage among faithful Longhorns and college football fans who maintain that it was disrespectful of Obama to strike Desmond Howard’s pose while holding Earl Campbell’s statue, but this is a misunderstanding.  Obama’s symbollic act was not about football at all–he was simply doing the Heisman on that hoe.

your Black History Month soundtrack.

libations and harambee unto you, my brothers and sisters.

i wanted to give you guys a black history month treat that would surely tickle the ancestors pink.  how many times have you said to yourself, ‘self, i wish there were other Black History songs other than that ‘sing sing celebrate’ song that was out when i was a wee toddler.’  well my friends, bow your heads and say a thank-you prayer for kfc, for they have heard your call.

with hits like “KFC Pride 360” and “At the KFC,” and “Let’s Have a Party” (‘let’s have a party/in the community/bring out your family/down at the KFC’) you can reflect on how far you, my nubian beauties, have come; finally, you can put on your kente cloth and do a ceremonial interpretive dance celebrating our progressive triumph over horrible, defaming stereotypes against the backdrop of an album full of black folks singing of the irresistable deliciousness of fried chicken.

no, i am not making this shit up.

http://www.kfchitmaker.com/

thank you, KFC.  my blackness now finds you inexplicably relatable.

ashe, brothers and sisters.  happy Black History Month.