Monthly Archives: March 2008

hey, kids! Miss Bimbo has a conscience!

and update from the website as of March 30th (thanks Janie!)

Update:

Dear Players,

Due to unforseen worldwide interest in Miss Bimbo we have had difficulty in maintaining our game in the manner players have become accustomed. We are sorry for this inconvenience and can assure you that our game will be up and running as soon as possible.

As a result of this rather surprising media attention we have decided to remove the option of purchasing diet pills from the game. We apologise to any players whom this may inconvenience but we feel in light of this weeks proceedings it is the correct action to take.

We would also like to sincerely apologise to our players for the media comparison of Miss Bimbo and Paris Hilton. We feel that this does a dis-service to the players whom send their bimbos to university, tea parties or chess tournaments.

At this time we would also like to remind players that the Miss Bimbo team assume no responsibility or liability for any fashion faux pas, hair style disasters or boob jobs incurred in real life as as a result of playing the Miss Bimbo game.

The Miss Bimbo Team.

———————–

omg we’ve been totally skewed in the way we looked at that shit site!  all we did was focus on the immense damage that it could cause, what with its boob jobs and diet pills and gold digging encouragement and image obsession and all.  what about the tea parties, yall?  WHAT ABOUT THE TEA PARTIES?!

also, i love that they apologize for no longer offering diet pills.  class acts!  how many of us would apologize to young girls for somethin like that?  ‘sorry, babies, but you’ll have to diet, exercise and eat right if you want to lose weight.’

nobody, that’s who.  nobody but miss bimbo.

(i hope.)

hey, kids! it’s Miss Bimbo!

bimbo.jpg
hi!  im your child’s role model!  lolz!

i can’t load the website here at work, and that sucks because i wanted to throw in some screen shots for yall (i’ll do it later).  i just wanted to hip all the parents of young impressionable girls out there to a funtime fantastic fancypants fashion doll game:  MissBimbo!  its like those annoying ass Bratz dolls or those slutty little online avatar dolls, but more threatening to your child’s  sense of reality!

here’s a description of the game, straight from the website:

———————

Welcome to Miss Bimbo. The world’s first virtual fashion game !
Become the most famous and beautiful bimbo in the world !

* Find your own place to live.
* Find a job to provide for your needs and to buy all the clothes you want.
* Buy the latest fashions and become the coolest bimbo on the street !
* Become a socialite in order to increase your popularity and fame.
* Charm a famous handsome man to become a social diva.
* Even resort to medicine or cosmetic surgery. Stop at nothing to make yourself the Queen of the bimbos !
* Tackle the 68 tasks as quick as possible to become a star bimbo !!

Are you ready to become the bimbo of the moment ?

If you want to become a “Miss Bimbo” click here: http://www.missbimbo.com
Si vous préférez jouer à la version française (If you prefer the french version of the game) cliquez ici (click here): http://www.ma-bimbo.com

—————-

 now as u can see in the last sentence, there is also a French version of the game, and since the english on the website isn’t perfect, it’s safe to assume that the game itself is French, which explains the high level of debauchery and unsavoryness (you know how those fuckin french people are).  so before i got upset, i thought that maybe–juuuuust maybe–they used the word ‘bimbo’ to describe the female cartoon characters that will represent your sponge-like children in this game because there’s not a direct French-to-English translation for ‘strong, respectable, fashion-savy woman.’   so i tried me one of them online translator things and it turns out that a bimbo is a bimbo, no matter the language!  yay!

aloha! j’sui ma bimbo! et tu? fromage? sombrero!

i saw this site on the news last nite and just HAD to go look at it.  it wasnt enough that i just poke around and shake my head in disgust, i actually played the game.  registered and everything.  some of the totally neat-o-riffic things i found:

-one of the games is a memory game called ‘sort out your bag.’  its your traditional match game, all featuring items essential to any bimbo’s bag.  included in the bag:  lipstick, underwear, a picture of a guy with hearts around him, cigarettes, and random, nondescript white and blue pills!  …wait, what?

-in this same game, the instructions admonish your child to be neater with her purse, and adds a little more encouragement by calling her a ‘trashy bimbo!’  awesome!

-in another game, the goal is to go inside a nightclub and kiss as many boys as you can.  the more boys u kiss, the higher your score.  that’s it.  that’s the whole game.  kiss boys.  0_o

-i shldnt have to tell you this, but in case you were wondering, the bimbo your child gets will be the epitome of beauty and perfection:  she has a beautiful milky complexion to start, but with the help of a tanning bed, she can turn a delicious ‘acceptibly dark but still caucasion’ brown (sorry, darkies!  you’re not included in this fountain of fun! or in society’s idea of beauty!)  and her stats are listed as 5 ft 6 (or it may have been 7) and a svelte 127 lbs.  visible ribs are sexy!

-speaking of weight, your child will learn healthy ways to control hers by figuring out the best and easiest ways to stay fit skinny!  buy food for her–your choices are chocolate, hamburgers, cereal bars, candy, and other random fatness.  oh, and some veggies.  your girls are warned that all that stuff will stop your bimbo’s hungry, but it will make her fatter (OH NOES!!!11)!  except the veggies, that is.  the downside to that is that they dont do a good job of satisfying your hunger (why the fuck would they choose THAT then?).  now the downside (read:  upside) to this is that they can’t take the bulimic route to 126-pound perfection.  but, the upside (read:  motherfucking absolute DOWNSIDE) is that they can turn to diet pills and over-exercising!  all is not lost!

-plastic surgery!  omg PLASTIC SURGERY!!!!!!!!!!  YOUR YOUNG, IMPRESSIONABLE DAUGHTERS WILL PLAY A GAME WHERE THEY SEEK OUT PLASTIC SURGERY FOR A 5 FT 6 127 LB GIRL!!  the excitement makes me want to die inside!!! 

i kept trying to make excuses for this game.  maybe, i thought, this is a parody of the absurd fascination with the modern day socialite, which is the ultimate goal of the game–to be the very best Paris Richiedashian you can be.  maybe it’s not REALLY for lil kids.  that was pretty much shot all to hell and back and then to hell again by the email i got once i registered to play the game, the subject line of which said:

Your child has just registered with MissBimbo.com!

 then i decided that im just not gonna have kids.  ever.  just screw it all until the world gets a healthy dose of good sense. 

anyway, if u still need a good idea of what the game is all about, take a look at the goals to be accomplished to graduate from level to level:

—————–

GOALS:

Level 1

1 – Change your haircut to become a blonde with bunches!
2 – Rent an apartment
3 – Register yourself on a training course

Level 2

1 – Buy at least 3 items of clothing
2 – Get a job
3 – Find a boyfriend
4 – Go to the hairdresser and have your hair in a red bun!

Level 3

1 – Obtain 200 Bimbo dollars
2 – Obtain an IQ of a minimum of 76
3 – Save an outfit that includes any dress
4 – Change your haircut to have a nice bun!

Level 4

1 – Finish with your boyfriend and find a new one.
2 – Weigh less than 58 kilos

Level 5

1 – Save at least 5 different outfits.
2 – Buy at least 7 items of clothing or shoes!
3 – Find a new apartment with at least three rooms
4 – Have one or more body scrubs.

Level 6

1 – Weigh less than 59 kilos
2 – Become a hairdresser
3 – Save an outfit that includes as skirt
4 – Get 5000 Bimbo attitude points

Level 7

1 – Become a secretary
2 – Become single! And find a new boyfriend.
3 – Have a breast operation to get bigger breasts.
4 – Take one or more sunbed(s) sessions to get a browner look.

Level 8

1 – Win at least 300 challenges
2 – Obtain an IQ of at least 110.
3 – Have more than 25 items of clothing in your wardrobe.
4 – Have 15 000 Bimbo attitude points.

Level 9

1 – Have a small nip and tuck operation on the face.
2 – Leave your ex-boyfriend and find a new man.
3 – You found work as a model for a fashion parade dedicated to beautiful curvey woman. You need to weigh more than 70 kilos.
4 – It’s a fancy dress party! You are going as a sexy sailor. Save your “sailors nine’s” outfit (skirt, shoes and top).

Level 10

1 – Buy an apartment or a house
2 – Become a nurse
3 – Get back to your ideal weight

Level 11

1 – Obtain 15 000 Bimbo dollars.
2 – Win at least 400 challenges
3 – Have 35 000 bimbo attitude points
4 – Have at least 38 items of clothing in your wardrobe.

Level 12

1 – After your 100th day of the game you will get a nice gift to celebrate!
2 – Win at least 600 challenges
3 – Save at least 25 different outfits.
4 – Have more than 68 items of clothing in your wardrobe.

Level 13

1 – Get 80000 Bimbo attitude points.
2 – Win 700 challenges
3 – Become a journalist
4 – A fashion photographer wants you to appear in his underwear magazine. Save your red and black underwear outfit.

Level 14

1 – Have more than 200 items of clothing in your wardrobe.
2 – Become an architect
3 – You go to a video game celebrity party ! You must save a “Heroic Fantasy” outfit. You can find it all at “nine’s”.

Level 15

1 – You must have 100 000 Bimbo attitude points.
2 – Finish with your current relationship and find a new billionaire boyfriend.
3 – Complete the sixth level of the French kiss game.
—————
 btw, im copying this stuff & the screenshots from this post at a forum about the game, filled with 38 pages of dialogue from its players.
im gonna go take a nap. 
wake me when the supid is over. kthnkz.

hillary: u can’t choose ur family, but u can choose ur pastor.

that’s hill’s official comment on rev. wright (i cannot BELIEVE we are still stuck on this, btw). 

lol.  u cant choose some family, but im pretty sure u can choose ur spouse.  hope that lying adulterer she chose to stick with is working well for her. *cough* the irony is a bit hilarious there

but, i find it even hilariouser that the religious association she chose is, apparently, an uberconservative, fascist-esque religious group known as “The Family”  (other ‘religious groups’ known as ‘the family’ include the Children of God cult and Charles Manson’s little garden of happy followers).

here’s an excerpt that was excerpted in barbara erenreich’s article about another article @ the huffington post:

During the 1960s the Family forged relationships between the U.S. government and some of the most anti-Communist (and dictatorial) elements within Africa’s postcolonial leadership. The Brazilian dictator General Costa e Silva, with Family support, was overseeing regular fellowship groups for Latin American leaders, while, in Indonesia, General Suharto (whose tally of several hundred thousand “Communists” killed marks him as one of the century’s most murderous dictators) was presiding over a group of fifty Indonesian legislators. During the Reagan Administration the Family helped build friendships between the U.S. government and men such as Salvadoran general Carlos Eugenios Vides Casanova, convicted by a Florida jury of the torture of thousands, and Honduran general Gustavo Alvarez Martinez, himself an evangelical minister, who was linked to both the CIA and death squads before his own demise.

sounds to me like hill & her happy family are a bit more threatening than a rightly-disgruntled black man in chicago, no?

the rest of the article is here.  more info on The Family is here and here.  absurdity is fricken everywhere.

sinbad tells the truth abt this hillary sniper bullhockey.

atlantachristianweb.com
“i aint lyin!  AM I LYIN??!”

snipers.  corkscrew landings.  ‘misstatements.’  sinbad?  LIES.  outright, baldheaded lies are all up & through that mix, and i wanted to get to the bottom of it, per usual.  so, i sat down with sinbad for a short chit chat on the issue.  well, i sat down; sinbad sort of paced back and forth holding an invisible microphone as he answered my questions.  to the best of his ability.

BmcP:  Sinbad! thank you so much for agreeing to talk with me.

Sinbad: welcome!  welcome, come on in, have a sit down.. thank you for comin out, you look great tonight, i tell you what.

BmcP:  well thanks!  so, as you know, i want to talk with you in more detail about that trip to bosnia you took with then-first lady hillary clinton.

Sinbad:  man, that was WILD man!  things are CRAZY!  its a lotta crazy stuff in the news today man, im talkin cuh-ray-ZEE!

BmcP: right.  so, were you on the actual aircraft with hillary clinton?  were you on separate crafts?

Sinbad:  i seen clinton!  oh yeah, i seen clinton.  clinton’s great tho, you know.  HILLARY GOT A BIG OLE BOOTY, MAN!  big high booty, man, booty just be sittin up there like ‘WHAT?!’ (here he did a very weird waddle around the room that i didn’t quite understand.  this waddle was made more perplexing by the purple leather pants he wore).

BmcP:  okay… um.  okay.  so, i think that means that you were on the same flight with hillary?

Sinbad:  and the plane!  oh man, that plane was CRAZY!  that plane was just up in the air like ‘WOO!  i tell you i am HIGH!  i aint never been this high in my life!  i aint hangin out with Rico ‘nem NO MORE!’

BmcP:  …so the ride was bumpy?  kinda tumultuous.

Sinbad:  naw, the ride was straight.

BmcP:  oh, it was?

Sinbad:  but i’ll tell you who wasn’t straight though, that FLIGHT ATTENDANT!  that flight attendant was CRAZY, MAN!  flight attendant walkin round, just walkin and a lookin and just ‘HAAAY GIRL’ a-WHAT?  it was CRAZY!

BmcP:  alright.  alright alright.  let’s talk about what happened when you landed.  news footage showing your reception shows a young girl reading a poem to hillary.  what can you tell me of that? 

Sinbad: KIDS!  man i love kids, man, i got kids!  and when you have kids, life just gets crazy, man, i mean it gets CRAY.  ZEE!  specially lil girls, man, lil girls?  lil girls just be all, ‘lalalalaaaa, i like tea parties!’ and i be like ‘little girl YOU ARE CRAZY!  YOU ARE CRAZY, LITTLE GIRL!  JUST CRAZY!’  and then them lil trainin bras yall gotta wear, man that is just–

BmcP: alright Sinbad, i have a responsibility here to myself, my readers, and the world in general to deliver the truth to the best of my ability.  i am not here for fun, i am not here for my health, and i am not here to watch you vomit the last 15 years of your career at my feet, understand?  now tell me something about what happened that day, or i’m turnin over some tables VERY, VERY SOON.

Sinbad:  …

 BmcP:  ?

Sinbad: …i had a tv show once.

BmcP:  FUCK THIS I’M OUT.

i guess it was almost productive.  sorry, guys.

its raining mccain? really?

wtf does that even mean?

i love that the old granny lady rarely seems to know the words or where she is

& the big braided broad in the middle kinda looks like the mongoloid kardashian daughter, no?

bad idea bad idea bad idea bad idea

worldstarhiphop.com is becoming my go-to spot for ‘hip hop’ ridiculousness.  and, never wanting to disappoint, i found some grade-A tomfuckery while lookin for the other banned boondocks episode (note:  there’s half nekkid asses all over that site, so if you click anything in this post while at work, dont blame me for gettin fired cause im tellin u now).  ladies and gentlemen:  suge knight has a motherdamned reality tv show.

i have zero idea who is gonna air this tripe, and before watching the trailer i pretty much knew how its gonna go.

coffee guy:  alrighty, mr. suge, here’s the skinny half cap grande mocha choca latta yaya you ordered.  don’t worry about money, i paid for it myself with money from my kid’s college fund!

suge:  wtf is this shit man, i asked for a skinny half cap TALL mocha choca latta yaya, motherfucker!  IMA HAFTA HANDLE YOU LIKE I HANDLED PAC!!

lawyers:  um suge.. that’s a no-no, remember?  the no-nos we were talkin about?

suge:  oh yeah yeah yeah.  my bad.  look man take this back and get me what i asked for, man.

coffee guy:  yes sir, mr. knight!

suge:  WHAT YOU CALL ME?  I TOLD YOU TO ADDRESS ME AS ‘YOUR MURDEROUSNESS!’  IMA HAFTA POP YO ASS LIKE I DID BIGGIE!!

lawyers:  alright, cut.  we’re gonna need that tape, camera guy.

 like really.  next thing you know, OJ’ll be writing a confession & masquerading it as a book called ‘if i did it.’  oh, wait..

ooh girl!

that’s a little bit excessive, girl!