nobody puts swayze in a corner!

oh, my sweet, loveable, gullible little know-nothings.  if i were your mother, i’d kill myself as penance for the obvious failures i’d made when raising you.  how can anyone, for even a half a nanosecond of a milisecond of a second, believe that patrick swayze is dying?!  i mean, just look at some of the comments from that dlisted link:

“He will not survive this without a miracle.” 

“Life is short, shorter for some than for others. May he pass away without pain.”

“i hope he passes swiftly and painlessly, in the company of his loved ones.”

 COME ON, DILLWEEDS!  enough!  does the world not understand that this is impossible?  he’s not dying.  ever.  i think that has been effectively proven over the years by all the bullshit he’s survived already.  here’s a little list to put this little pancreatic cancer monster in perspective.

.:: A horse tried to kill him.  slight exaggeration, but in 1996, he was pretty badly injured when he fell from a horse and hit a tree on the set of HBO’s Letters from a Killeraccording to wikipedia, “both of his legs were broken, and he suffered four detached tendons in his shoulder.”  yo.  detached?  tendons?  detached tendons?  four of them bitches?  in ur *shoulder*??!  without the proper soul-numbing medication, that wld make me wanna die.  patrick didn’t though.  he just figured out how to the snake with one shoulder instead of two and kept it moving.

.:: Vulcan Gonadular Deathgrip.   in 1987, patrick swayze starred in Dirty Dancing with Jennifer Grey, which is undisputedly one of his most famous and well-known films.  now i was going to say here that after that film, plus years of dancing in mind bogglingly tight pants, his nads were gangsta enough to protect his sperm count (in spite of the defying odds) and have children later.  but after some research.. he doesn’t have any kids.  forget this part of the program.

.:: To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything!  Julie Newmar.  on paper:  patrick swayze in drag + wesley snipes in drag + john leguizamo in or out of drag = horrendous idea.  but surprisingly, and this is totally my own personal opinion, swazye did a good job.  he was a convincing queen while on the set, and i have not once been moved to question his manhood because of it.  or because of the tight pants he’s worn like, his whole life prior to the film.  that’s some pretty indestructable manhood right there.

Ms. Vida Boheme:  pinnacle of manliness.

 .:: He was inside Whoopi Goldberg.  in the movie Ghost, i mean.  the last white man to be inside whoopi goldberg that i know of didn’t come out too well.

patrick swayze did though!

don’t you wanna go and fucking laugh in pancreatic cancer’s face now?  pancreatic cancer isn’t the huge, venomous monster hiding under your bed waiting to eat you as soon as you go to sleep, not when it’s in patrick swayze.  its more like a cute little baby in a monster hat.

i guarantee you that right now, patrick swayze’s pancreas is puttin all them cancer cells in a corner.  unlike baby.  cause yknow, nobody puts baby… yknow.

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