snipers. corkscrew landings. ‘misstatements.’ sinbad? LIES. outright, baldheaded lies are all up & through that mix, and i wanted to get to the bottom of it, per usual. so, i sat down with sinbad for a short chit chat on the issue. well, i sat down; sinbad sort of paced back and forth holding an invisible microphone as he answered my questions. to the best of his ability.
BmcP: Sinbad! thank you so much for agreeing to talk with me.
Sinbad: welcome! welcome, come on in, have a sit down.. thank you for comin out, you look great tonight, i tell you what.
BmcP: well thanks! so, as you know, i want to talk with you in more detail about that trip to bosnia you took with then-first lady hillary clinton.
Sinbad: man, that was WILD man! things are CRAZY! its a lotta crazy stuff in the news today man, im talkin cuh-ray-ZEE!
BmcP: right. so, were you on the actual aircraft with hillary clinton? were you on separate crafts?
Sinbad: i seen clinton! oh yeah, i seen clinton. clinton’s great tho, you know. HILLARY GOT A BIG OLE BOOTY, MAN! big high booty, man, booty just be sittin up there like ‘WHAT?!’ (here he did a very weird waddle around the room that i didn’t quite understand. this waddle was made more perplexing by the purple leather pants he wore).
BmcP: okay… um. okay. so, i think that means that you were on the same flight with hillary?
Sinbad: and the plane! oh man, that plane was CRAZY! that plane was just up in the air like ‘WOO! i tell you i am HIGH! i aint never been this high in my life! i aint hangin out with Rico ‘nem NO MORE!’
BmcP: …so the ride was bumpy? kinda tumultuous.
Sinbad: naw, the ride was straight.
BmcP: oh, it was?
Sinbad: but i’ll tell you who wasn’t straight though, that FLIGHT ATTENDANT! that flight attendant was CRAZY, MAN! flight attendant walkin round, just walkin and a lookin and just ‘HAAAY GIRL’ a-WHAT? it was CRAZY!
BmcP: alright. alright alright. let’s talk about what happened when you landed. news footage showing your reception shows a young girl reading a poem to hillary. what can you tell me of that?
Sinbad: KIDS! man i love kids, man, i got kids! and when you have kids, life just gets crazy, man, i mean it gets CRAY. ZEE! specially lil girls, man, lil girls? lil girls just be all, ‘lalalalaaaa, i like tea parties!’ and i be like ‘little girl YOU ARE CRAZY! YOU ARE CRAZY, LITTLE GIRL! JUST CRAZY!’ and then them lil trainin bras yall gotta wear, man that is just–
BmcP: alright Sinbad, i have a responsibility here to myself, my readers, and the world in general to deliver the truth to the best of my ability. i am not here for fun, i am not here for my health, and i am not here to watch you vomit the last 15 years of your career at my feet, understand? now tell me something about what happened that day, or i’m turnin over some tables VERY, VERY SOON.
Sinbad: …i had a tv show once.
BmcP: FUCK THIS I’M OUT.
i guess it was almost productive. sorry, guys.