i can’t load the website here at work, and that sucks because i wanted to throw in some screen shots for yall (i’ll do it later). i just wanted to hip all the parents of young impressionable girls out there to a funtime fantastic fancypants fashion doll game: MissBimbo! its like those annoying ass Bratz dolls or those slutty little online avatar dolls, but more threatening to your child’s sense of reality!
here’s a description of the game, straight from the website:
Welcome to Miss Bimbo. The world’s first virtual fashion game !
Become the most famous and beautiful bimbo in the world !
* Find your own place to live.
* Find a job to provide for your needs and to buy all the clothes you want.
* Buy the latest fashions and become the coolest bimbo on the street !
* Become a socialite in order to increase your popularity and fame.
* Charm a famous handsome man to become a social diva.
* Even resort to medicine or cosmetic surgery. Stop at nothing to make yourself the Queen of the bimbos !
* Tackle the 68 tasks as quick as possible to become a star bimbo !!
Are you ready to become the bimbo of the moment ?
If you want to become a “Miss Bimbo” click here: http://www.missbimbo.com
Si vous préférez jouer à la version française (If you prefer the french version of the game) cliquez ici (click here): http://www.ma-bimbo.com
now as u can see in the last sentence, there is also a French version of the game, and since the english on the website isn’t perfect, it’s safe to assume that the game itself is French, which explains the high level of debauchery and unsavoryness (you know how those fuckin french people are). so before i got upset, i thought that maybe–juuuuust maybe–they used the word ‘bimbo’ to describe the female cartoon characters that will represent your sponge-like children in this game because there’s not a direct French-to-English translation for ‘strong, respectable, fashion-savy woman.’ so i tried me one of them online translator things and it turns out that a bimbo is a bimbo, no matter the language! yay!
i saw this site on the news last nite and just HAD to go look at it. it wasnt enough that i just poke around and shake my head in disgust, i actually played the game. registered and everything. some of the totally neat-o-riffic things i found:
-one of the games is a memory game called ‘sort out your bag.’ its your traditional match game, all featuring items essential to any bimbo’s bag. included in the bag: lipstick, underwear, a picture of a guy with hearts around him, cigarettes, and random, nondescript white and blue pills! …wait, what?
-in this same game, the instructions admonish your child to be neater with her purse, and adds a little more encouragement by calling her a ‘trashy bimbo!’ awesome!
-in another game, the goal is to go inside a nightclub and kiss as many boys as you can. the more boys u kiss, the higher your score. that’s it. that’s the whole game. kiss boys. 0_o
-i shldnt have to tell you this, but in case you were wondering, the bimbo your child gets will be the epitome of beauty and perfection: she has a beautiful milky complexion to start, but with the help of a tanning bed, she can turn a delicious ‘acceptibly dark but still caucasion’ brown (sorry, darkies! you’re not included in this fountain of fun! or in society’s idea of beauty!) and her stats are listed as 5 ft 6 (or it may have been 7) and a svelte 127 lbs. visible ribs are sexy!
-speaking of weight, your child will learn healthy ways to control hers by figuring out the best and easiest ways to stay
fit skinny! buy food for her–your choices are chocolate, hamburgers, cereal bars, candy, and other random fatness. oh, and some veggies. your girls are warned that all that stuff will stop your bimbo’s hungry, but it will make her fatter (OH NOES!!!11)! except the veggies, that is. the downside to that is that they dont do a good job of satisfying your hunger (why the fuck would they choose THAT then?). now the downside (read: upside) to this is that they can’t take the bulimic route to 126-pound perfection. but, the upside (read: motherfucking absolute DOWNSIDE) is that they can turn to diet pills and over-exercising! all is not lost!
-plastic surgery! omg PLASTIC SURGERY!!!!!!!!!! YOUR YOUNG, IMPRESSIONABLE DAUGHTERS WILL PLAY A GAME WHERE THEY SEEK OUT PLASTIC SURGERY FOR A 5 FT 6 127 LB GIRL!! the excitement makes me want to die inside!!!
i kept trying to make excuses for this game. maybe, i thought, this is a parody of the absurd fascination with the modern day socialite, which is the ultimate goal of the game–to be the very best Paris Richiedashian you can be. maybe it’s not REALLY for lil kids. that was pretty much shot all to hell and back and then to hell again by the email i got once i registered to play the game, the subject line of which said:
Your child has just registered with MissBimbo.com!
then i decided that im just not gonna have kids. ever. just screw it all until the world gets a healthy dose of good sense.
anyway, if u still need a good idea of what the game is all about, take a look at the goals to be accomplished to graduate from level to level: