Monthly Archives: March 2008

philly!: obama’s comin!

him and what’s her name are gonna have a debate @ the national constitution center on april 16th.  the good news is the the city will be made 105% sexier as soon as obama crosses in to the city limits.

the bad news is that its invitation only, so i wont get to fucking go unless the midget ninja i sent out to get me some tickets is successful. 

i am currently hoping that he’ll give a little talk elsewhere in the city that i can go to.  i am also wondering if me just casually hangin out by the rear entrance of the constitution center waitin for obama to show will arouse arrest-worthy suspicion.  i’ll let you know what i come up with.

okay, since nobody’s tellin the truth abt this tocarra BS

so apparently she’s on celebrity fit club again this season.  i saw part of the premier; im assuming its like some allstar shit or somethin, cause i think there’s a couple of ppl who are there on the show for a second time.  tina yuthers is back because she just had a baby and wants help takin the weight off.  got it.  that one angry white guy is back b/c he wasnt satisfied with his performance on the last show.  got it.  tocarra is back because she loves her body and doesn’t feel like she needs to change anything. …wait, what?

 i cld tell in the clips and commercials that she blew up at the judges during a weigh in or somethin, but according to this unedited clip–she REALLY blew up at them cats.

now what really gets me is that all across the internets, ppl are criticizing the judges for the way they responded to her, mad at Ian for tellin her to have some class.  wtf?  i look at it like this here:

– yellin and cussin and gettin all in people’s faces is classless, so Ian was right to tell her to have some class.

-the friction is poppin up b/c them advising on what she needs to do to lose weight is taken by her as them saying that there’s something wrong with her body and that she needs to change, which i dont get the feeling they’re saying.  they lookin at her like ‘okay, she’s on the show so she must wanna lose some weight, and our job is to guide her through that so let’s do it.’  if tocarra thinks she’s good and fine and doesnt want or need to change anything that’s awesome, but gtf off the show!  wtf are u there for? is ‘take the cake’ doing that poorly?  oh, it is?  oh.

-she’s clearly creating another 15 minutes for her fabulous self.  i like tocarra, dont get me wrong.  i wont even hate on her ‘temper tantrum to get the most attention while im on this show’ hustle.  but i also aint finna dog the judges cause they call her on it.

 this shit is scripted.  yall done fell for the ‘tune in next week to see what tocarra will say next!’ okie-doke.

also, a confession:  i have a weird crush on harvey.  i say ‘weird’ cause that man is sin-ugly and it makes no logical sense to me.

keith olbermann takes hillary to the woodshed.

this is just too good not to spread around the internets.

the clip below is keith olbermann’s special comment on hillary clinton a day or two ago (i found it linked @ okp).  please witness as olbermann verbally beats the shit out of hillary with a wet towel for nearly 10 full minutes and sits her in a corner so she can think about what she’s done re: this geraldine ferraro mess. 

 this man takes it all the way to churh, runs through the sanctuary, gets the holy ghost, and brings it back again.  i actually shouted ‘hallelujah!’ somewhere around the 8 minute mark and when the whole thing was over i turned around lookin for ushers passin around a collection plate. 

i think ive found my vote for obama’s VP.

and in ‘wtf?!1’ news of the day

WND FLUSH TO JUDGMENT
No joke! Mr. Whipple rescues woman on toilet 2 years
‘She was not glued. She was not tied. She was just physically stuck by her body’


Posted: March 12, 2008
6:23 pm Eastern

© 2008 WorldNetDaily



Mr. Whipple, portrayed by actor Dick Wilson, was known for his famous toilet paper slogan, ‘Please don’t squeeze the Charmin!’

When you gotta go, you gotta go. But sometimes, you don’t wanna come back for a while.

That’s apparently the case of a 35-year-old Kansas woman, whom police say was on her toilet for two straight years, actually becoming stuck to the seat.

“She was not glued. She was not tied. She was just physically stuck by her body. It is hard to imagine. … I still have a hard time imagining it myself,” Ness County Sheriff Bryan Whipple told the Associated Press, explaining it appeared her body fat had grown attached to the seat.

The sheriff, ironically, shares the same last name of “Mr. Whipple,” a fictional grocer used in television ads for Charmin toilet paper, often telling shoppers, “Please don’t squeeze the Charmin!”

According to the wire service, police found the clothed woman sitting on the toilet, her sweat pants down to her mid-thigh as if she were using the john. Her legs appeared to have atrophied.

“She was sitting on the toilet and was somewhat disoriented,” Whipple said. “She said that she didn’t need any help, that she was OK and did not want to leave.”

The woman has not been cooperative with authorities, and after initially refusing medical services, she was convinced to be taken to a hospital in Wichita to be examined. She’s now listed in fair condition

“We pried the toilet seat off with a prybar and the seat went with her to the hospital,” Whipple said. “The hospital removed it.”

The woman’s boyfriend called police on Feb. 27 to report that “there was something wrong with his girlfriend,” Whipple said, but never explained why it took him two years to call.

Whipple said the boyfriend had brought the woman food and water for two years and claims he asked her daily to get off the throne.

“And her reply would be, ‘Maybe tomorrow,'” Whipple said. “According to him, she did not want to leave the bathroom.”

Authorities are now presenting the facts of the matter to the county attorney to see if the 36-year-old boyfriend should face any criminal charges.

A neighbor, James Ellis, told AP he had known the woman since she was a child but said he hadn’t seen her for at least six years.

He said she had a tough childhood after her mother died at a young age and apparently was usually kept inside the house as she grew up.

“It really doesn’t surprise me,” Ellis said of the bathroom incident. “What surprises me is somebody wasn’t called in a bit earlier.”

The case is already getting wiped across Internet messageboards, with comments including:

  • Maybe she had to go!
  • I had Arby’s once and sat on the toilet for what seemed like two years. 
  • There’s no way that fat white trash sat on that toilet for two [expletive] years without getting up, unless she’s paralyzed. I don’t care if you are retarded or crazy, you are not going to sit without moving for two years and survive. She would have infectious sores like bedsores all over her a–, and probably have horrible back pain just after a few weeks. She wasn’t there for two years straight.
  • Did Whipple instruct her, “Please don’t squeeze the Charmin”?

shameless plugs!

my policy in life is typically to be the best, and if i cant, then attach urself on ppl who eventually will be, help them get there, then hold the help that u gave them over their heads throughout their famous runs so that u can be the best by association.

all my hustles are paralyzed right now, and as such, i will be acting as promotional groupie for the following ppl/things:

 .::Che Grand – Everything’s Good Ugly – i’ll have to check on the release date, but in the meantime, check him out, and before he takes it down, check the demo ‘Girls Talk’ featuring Darrin of Sankofa & produced by Aeon who is also appearing on…

 .::The Official PMP Mixtape – Hosted by Hi-Tek, featuring Aeon & some other ppl who aren’t Aeon –

pmpfront.jpg

listen to it & find a tracklisting for it here; download it here.

and speaking of Aeon, this is the same Aeon who produced the absolutely ridiculous Walk My Way for..

.:: Tanya Morgan – i dunno what these dudes are up to.  check em out & buy their shit anyway.

yall negroes owe me a ham & cheese sammich for this.  plus donwill YOU STILL OWE ME MY $10 BLOCKBUSTER CARD.  kthanks!

before yall start: an interview with 50 cent’s new teeth

okay.  i just know that some of you hatin ass sneetches are gonna try and call 50 to task for droppin 63 G’s on his new george foremanesque grill (thnks for that, d).  but before you do, look at the WHOLE picture, hmm?

 firstly… his teeth were pretty fucked up.  u remember how long them front teefises were?  im pretty sure those things were rooted back in his scalp somewhere.  that wasn’t simple tooth pulling, that was brain surgery, and brain surgery is not cheap.

secondly, at 63 thousand dollars, those cannot be JUST teeth.  they cant be.  i made the active decision to believe that these teeth can save the world, unlike ‘making the band’s Q and Dawn’s donkin toothed children.  and i wanted to investigate, and thank the heavens, i had a chance to talk one-on-one with 50’s new teeth, and let me tell you something:  i was righter than a motherfucker.

Brokey McPoverty:  Thank you so much for agreeing to speak with me today, 50 Cent’s New Teeth.

50 Cent’s New Teeth: Oh, it is indeed a pleasure.  Thank you for your interest and your warm, warm welcome.

BmcP:  Well, first let me start out by asking how I should address you.  Do you have a name?  Do people typically just call you “50 Cent’s New Teeth?”

5CNT: That is what they typically call me, and I don’t mind that.  Not everyone would expect a set of teeth to have a name.  But, for the record, my given name is Chadwick J. Hoppensnaps. 

BmcP: And what does the J stand for?  May I ask?

5CNT: Jay’Kwandre.

BmcP: That’s… interesting.

5CNT: *light chuckle* let’s just move it along, dear.

BmcP: Right.  So, tell me a little bit about yourself.  Who is Chadwick J. Hoppensnaps?

5CNT: Well, I was born in England, believe it or not. 

BmcP:  Really?  That’s interesting, you don’t have a bit of an accent anymore.

5CNT: Well, it slips out sometimes; if you ever hear 50 Cent say something smart, you’ll know that’s me getting a word in.  *hearty chuckles abound*  Anyway, I managed to escape a terrible plague of periodontal disease that was sweeping the entire continent and still is, actually–it’s really bad over there.  I left just as soon as I was big enough to brush myself and just sort of wondered Europe for a time, and then I headed to Japan where I met a martial arts trainer by the name of Gouken.  There, I trained in the dangerous and mysterious art of Ansatsuken with two gentlemen named Ken and Ryu and one simply known as “the Handsome Death.” 

BmcP: “The Handsome Death?”  That guy sounds pretty dangerous.  And sexy.

5CNT: Oh, he was.  And still is.  Anyway, after my training was complete, the four of us just sort of wandered the globe aimlessly, challenging all passersby and welcoming all challengers.  Eventually Ken and Ryu got deals with some video game company, and the Handsome Death and I were hired as assassins by the American CIA. 

BmcP: Seriously?  50 Cent’s teeth were once CIA assassins?

5CNT: Between the Handsome Death and I, 49,032 terrorists, spies, traitors, rapists, murderers, thieves, and Hanson fans lost the priviledge they knew as life and were given something a little more deserving, all in the name of American freedom.

BmcP: That’s pretty freakin amazing.  So do you still hang with the Handsome Death?

5CNT: No; he and I had a disagreement; during a heated debate over health care reform, a little tryst ensued and whooped my ass somethin unholy.  We separated and have not seen each other since.

BmcP:  Do you know what has become of him?

5CNT: I believe you know him today as… Barack Obama.

BmcP: …shut the fuck up.

5CNT:  *cracks a toothy grin–get it?  a toothy grin?!  HA!  cause he’s already teeth!  so his grin is toothy!  heh!* No, no really.  I kid you not.  He is an amazing, amazing man.  And do you know what?  Even though he beat my ass, I will still vote for him in this primary and hopefully in the race for President of the United States of America.

BmcP: *gasp*  Shut the fuck up!

5CNT: I mean it.  I may not like him for what he did to me, but damnit–I respect him.

BmcP: No seriously.  Shut the fuck up, we’re outta time.  ‘Kay, thanks!

HA.  take THAT shit, 50 cent’s new teeth haters.  a ninja who killed thousands of men with barack obama and can occassionally make 50 cent say something smart is WELL worth 63 thousand bucks.

one more time, for good measure.

in case u missed it – from the mouths of (bust it) babes

rholiya1

so im tryin to get up a good roster to help me celebrate women’s history month (which is this month, for the unfortunately uncouth out there who didnt know it) and i just knew that i had found the PERFECT way to kick everything off: an interview with one of the charming young ladies from Plies’ ‘Bust It Baby’ search. this particular young lady appears in a white tennis skirt round about the 5:18 mark.

i thought i had a chance when one of them came across the original entry i made on the casting video and left a comment there. like, i could just taste the literary gold pooling in my mouth and dancing for joy underneath my tongue.

so, i reached out to her and offered her a chance to tell her story here at the renowned world of brokey mcgotdamned poverty. sadly, though, she didn’t respond to my request, not even with so much as a rejection. i mean shit, its not like anybody wld see it anyway, nobody comes to this blog like that, iono why she was trippin. maybe she’s just not ready for this kind of famous exposure.

anyway, i’m not sure how many ppl troll through the billions of comments left here everyday (heh), but.. i really feel like more people should fucking see this. and without an official formal interview, this will have to suffice. and so, ladies and gentlebitches, hear about life, straight from a bust it babe:

I was in the video and the oppurtunity presented it self and i took it what’s wrong with that? People are entitled to there on opinion i’m ok with that because i know who i am and what i said i ment. And for those who wants to hate comment on this go to my myspace http://www.myspace.com/rholiya and yes i’m the one in the white dress. I’ll be the first to say that i didn’t like how i looked in the video but ugly never that I will continue to live my life and do me and you do the same. I am self employed i own my on home and loving what i’m driving this is reality tv you don’t know what we do on a daily basis but thankyou for watching i now no what you do.

maybe she just doesnt know what an awesome interviewer i am. i treated steve harvey’s mustache like a king (that sounds dirty, dont it?) & he came out large (even dirtier!) in that interview.

silly aussies: the 50 gayest songs of all time

the merry folks over at SameSame, an autralian lesbigay site, have compiled a list of the 50 gayest songs of all time.  i suppose it’s at least moderately thorough; they include everyone’s favorite rainbow standards, like ‘Macho Man’ and ‘YMCA’ by the Village People, ‘It’s Raining Men’ by the Weather Girls (i see you blaine and antwan!), and Madonna’s ‘Vogue.’ 

sadly, though, they totally skipped the steamy world or homoeroticism in american hip hop.  there’s some pretty gay shit out there.  they missed classics like:

.:: TI’s ‘Top Back’ remix feat Young Jeezy – “tell them f*ggot ass niggas to wrap they lips around my dick”

.:: DMX’s ‘Party Up’ – “and all you niggas thats been to jail before/suck my dick” :: “yall niggas remind me of a strip club/cause everytime you come around its like (what)/i just gotta get my dick sucked’

.:: DK Quik’s ‘Dollaz & Sense’ – “now, i never had my dick sucked by a man befo’/but you gon be the first you little trick ass hoe/then you can tell me just how it taste/but before i nut i shoot some piss in your face”

.:: Dr. Dre’s ‘Fuck with Dre Day’ (featuring Snoop Dogg)– “nigga bow down to the row/fuckin me, now im fuckin you, little hoe” :: “Luke’s bendin over/so Luke’s gettin fucked” :: “I’m hollerin 1-8-7 with my dick in your mouth, beeyatch” :: “gap teeth in your mouth/so my dick’s gots to fit/with my nuts on ur tonsils/while ur onstage rappin at ur wack ass concerts” :: “All these sucka ass niggaz can eat a fat dick/Yeah, Eazy-E Eazy-E Eazy-E can eat a big fat dick/Tim Dog can eat a big fat dick/Luke, can eat a fat dick, yeah”

it dont get no mo homo than that, do it?

nobody puts swayze in a corner!

oh, my sweet, loveable, gullible little know-nothings.  if i were your mother, i’d kill myself as penance for the obvious failures i’d made when raising you.  how can anyone, for even a half a nanosecond of a milisecond of a second, believe that patrick swayze is dying?!  i mean, just look at some of the comments from that dlisted link:

“He will not survive this without a miracle.” 

“Life is short, shorter for some than for others. May he pass away without pain.”

“i hope he passes swiftly and painlessly, in the company of his loved ones.”

 COME ON, DILLWEEDS!  enough!  does the world not understand that this is impossible?  he’s not dying.  ever.  i think that has been effectively proven over the years by all the bullshit he’s survived already.  here’s a little list to put this little pancreatic cancer monster in perspective.

.:: A horse tried to kill him.  slight exaggeration, but in 1996, he was pretty badly injured when he fell from a horse and hit a tree on the set of HBO’s Letters from a Killeraccording to wikipedia, “both of his legs were broken, and he suffered four detached tendons in his shoulder.”  yo.  detached?  tendons?  detached tendons?  four of them bitches?  in ur *shoulder*??!  without the proper soul-numbing medication, that wld make me wanna die.  patrick didn’t though.  he just figured out how to the snake with one shoulder instead of two and kept it moving.

.:: Vulcan Gonadular Deathgrip.   in 1987, patrick swayze starred in Dirty Dancing with Jennifer Grey, which is undisputedly one of his most famous and well-known films.  now i was going to say here that after that film, plus years of dancing in mind bogglingly tight pants, his nads were gangsta enough to protect his sperm count (in spite of the defying odds) and have children later.  but after some research.. he doesn’t have any kids.  forget this part of the program.

.:: To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything!  Julie Newmar.  on paper:  patrick swayze in drag + wesley snipes in drag + john leguizamo in or out of drag = horrendous idea.  but surprisingly, and this is totally my own personal opinion, swazye did a good job.  he was a convincing queen while on the set, and i have not once been moved to question his manhood because of it.  or because of the tight pants he’s worn like, his whole life prior to the film.  that’s some pretty indestructable manhood right there.

Ms. Vida Boheme:  pinnacle of manliness.

 .:: He was inside Whoopi Goldberg.  in the movie Ghost, i mean.  the last white man to be inside whoopi goldberg that i know of didn’t come out too well.

patrick swayze did though!

don’t you wanna go and fucking laugh in pancreatic cancer’s face now?  pancreatic cancer isn’t the huge, venomous monster hiding under your bed waiting to eat you as soon as you go to sleep, not when it’s in patrick swayze.  its more like a cute little baby in a monster hat.

i guarantee you that right now, patrick swayze’s pancreas is puttin all them cancer cells in a corner.  unlike baby.  cause yknow, nobody puts baby… yknow.

MTV foils Gnarls Barkley’s plot to take over the world via an army of epileptic zombies.

 

and they wld have gotten away with it if it wasn’t for you meddling kids.

the official news is that mtv won’t play gnarls barkley’s new video ‘run’ because it cldn’t pass the Harding Test due to its strobing graphics.

but i think we all know the real story.  step one:  produce & record a fucking awesome song.  step two:  add some batshit flashing lights and erratically moving lines, horizontal, vertical AND diagonal, motherfucker.  step three:  slip in some subliminal messages in a frequency that only epileptics can hear as they lay flailing and cussing on the floor in front of their tv screens, and VOILA.  an army of epileptic zombies to do ceelo & danger mouse’s twisted bidding.  GENIUS.

well i guess when you consider how easy it wld be to kill an epileptic zombie.  i mean, just walk around with a strobe light.  they’re already slow as smoke off of shit anyway, that’d just stop them in their slow ass tracks and make them EASIER to kill than they already are by rendering the one advantage they have–the huge ass number of them that they like to travel in–useless. 

so i guess maybe mtv did gnarls barkley a favor.  that was a pretty dumbass plan, ceelo and dangermouse.

take a look at the vid tho.  i dont think it’s that bad.  then again, i dont have epilepsy.  and occasional case of chronic constipation, yes.  but epilepsy, no.

the song’s a banger, too.

in retrospect, i wonder if this entry is insensitive to epileptics?  if so, i didnt mean it.  mama loves you, babies.  have a cookie.