Monthly Archives: June 2008

one of the most disgusting commercials ive ever seen (updated)

ive been meaning to write about this for a long while

THIS shit makes me want to vomit up my entire life and hopes for the future.

i trust i dont have to say why this is the nastiest most disgusting tripe i have seen in many a year.

TRIFE.

**UPDATE:  it has been brought to my attn that the vid above dont work no mo.  i cant see youtube at work (and barely at home, for that matter)… can someone tell me if either of these links involves a man sittin next to a water cooler chewin some mentos?

http://youtube.com/watch?v=btsY2-xMgzs

http://youtube.com/watch?v=d2g5A4FKAmw

 

celebrities who look like unwrapped mummies.

i make this comment about quite a few people in my daily life, it seems.  and we all know, or at least should know, about the fantasticness that is men who look like old lesbians.  i think i have enough names to start a good list of celebs who look like unwrapped mummies.  if you recall, i mentioned a few in my grammy recap.  now, id like to add don imus to the list, if i havent officially done so already.

from www.iwantmedia.com

don, on the eve of his 26th birthday

like.  he’s scary.  if he really was a mummy he’d be one of those ‘i-came-back-just-to-ruin-the-whole-fucking-world’ mummy assholes, not a nice ‘i-just-came-back-to-find-my-long-lost-love-but-infortunately-that-involves-me-ruining-the-whole-fucking-world-but-im-really-sorry-for-the-inconvenience’ mummy. 

doesnt he look like one though?  i bet he’s got that embalming fluid & old brains in a jar smell, too.  kinda like dissected animals in a science lab.  sexy!

i was reminded of don’s mumminess due to a news story i seen on him while i was puttin on my drawls this morning (note:  any sexiness that comes with putting on one’s drawls is TOTALLY ZAPPED when the visage of don imus is about).  this blog has nothing to do with the new bullshit he’s in though, cause nobody on earth should be surprised.  i am unsurprised to the point of not caring.  if this is what he came back from his crypt to do, i say let him have at it, as long as it aint raisin taxes or my light bill.

anyway, id also like to official throw a hometown favorite on the CWLLUM list:  legendary coach of the University of Louisville’s men’s basketball team, Denny Crum.  that’s him on the left.

doesn’t look a day over 76 centuries old!

does anyone have any other nominations?

 

pic sources: 1 | 2 

oh, speaking of D’Angelo…

..that comeback looks a little far off if u ask me.

and to clarify:  d’angelo’s the one on the left.

 

 

pic courtesy of okp.  thanks to this guy for the heads up.

iLove the New Millenium?

|source|

..for real?

like are they gonna do all the 20xx years, or just 2000?

am i the only one who thinks this is kind of.. stupid and premature?  like, the big entertaining factor of these ‘i love random decades’ shows is the nostalgia.  i cant feel nostalgic over somethin that just happened 8 years ago.  i tried to watch it.  i tried to care about it.  failed on both fronts.

‘hey, remember when whoopi goldberg was hostin all those award shows!?’

..yeah she just hosted another one last week, ass.

next thing you know, they’ll have a recurring show called ‘i love yesterday’

oops!  that’s ‘best week ever.’  nevermind.

VH1, GO TAKE A NAP!

i’ll go head and add this to my collection of wolf tickets.

|source|

according to billboard.com, d’angelo is “making progress” on his new album, which will be the first since i graduated high school.  ive been outta high school for like 50 years (read:  8). 

yeah, i dont believe it.  shame on u if u fool me once.  shame on me if u fool me twice.  remember that weird ass mumble jumble wtf-is-he-saying single he put out awhile ago?  i was like okay, its cool… at least i get to hear me some d’angelo again, even if i DONT know wtf he’s sayin.  i can listen to this til the rest comes out.

lmao @ the rest.  WHERE THE FRICK IS THE REST, HUH?!

so here’s how we’ll get him out of hiding.  i present to you:  the D’Ange-Trap (patent pending).  to construct it, you’ll need one (1) REALLY big box–like super gigantic big–one (1) really big stick, at least 5 ft 6 inches; one (1) portly, scantily clad woman of approx. 250 lbs and of no taller height than 5 foot 3 inches; one (1) buffet full of Denny’s speciality; and one (1) buffet full of assorted cracks, cocaines, and pipes. 

so we put all that shit beneath the really big box, prop it up with the stick, wrap a rope around the stick and hide in wait.  D’Angelo (i assume he’s nocturnal) will likely scamper up to the bounty in the middle of the night, and when he does, WHAMO!  we pull the stick, box falls down, D’Angelo is trapped!

until he runs through all the buffets and decides to eat the box.  then he’s gone again.

Livin’ la Vida ‘Lycia: Life in the Fast Layne

isn’t that a super dope title idea for Alycia Layne’s reality show?  i thoughted of it myself!

speakin of ‘Lycia, there’s more foolishment about:  she’s suing her former employer for–you’ll never guess–defamation of character

right on, sister girl!  don’t you let them make an ass of somebody who sends scanty pictures to a married man!  don’t you let them strip you of your integrity, oh ye who smacks cops in the face and calls em dykes to boot! 

i tell you what, she looked at the entire world and was like ‘arright world, check me out, this is what’s finna happen.  im gonna act up at work and be mad when i get fired for it.  then ima assault a cop and be surprised when i get arrested for it.  THEN, you’re gonna pay my bills cause nobody’s gonna hire a cuckoling cop-beater.  and you will like it.  nay–you will LOVE it.’

move over, maya angelou.  lycia is my hero now.

|article & pic source|

better retardedly late than never: rape declared a war crime

and it only took thousands of years!

http://www.znbc.co.zm/media/news/viewnews.cgi?category=7&id=1213955728

The UN is also setting up an inquiry to report next June on how widespread the practice is and how to tackle it.

Human-rights group hailed the resolution as historic.

The BBC’s Laura Trevelyan said China, Russia, Indonesia and Vietnam had all expressed reservations during the negotiations, asking whether rape was really a matter for the UN security council.

But the US-sponsored resolution was adopted unanimously by the 15-member council.

It described sexual violence as “a tactic of war to humiliate, dominate, instil fear in, disperse and/or forcibly relocate civilian members of a community or ethnic group”.

The document said that the violence “can significantly exacerbate situations of armed conflict and may impede the restoration of international peace and security”.

During the debate in the council, Mr. Ban said: “Responding to this silent war against women and girls requires leadership at the national level.”

“National authorities need to take the initiative to build comprehensive strategies while the UN needs to help build capacity and support national authorities and civil societies,” he added.
<>

 

 

 

jon arbuckle was a headcase.

only we couldn’t see it so clearly because we were distracted by the loveable, lardy obesity of garfield.  his presence helped us laugh at john’s shortcomings and see him as the loveable loser, but take that away and you basically have a clinically depressed, bi-polar schizoid.  no, really. 

clinical depression:  symptoms:  lethargy; suicidal thoughts/attempts; fatigue; immense sadness; isolation; feelings of hopelessness, worthlessness, and helplessness.

manic depression/bipolar disordera mood disorder characterized by the presence of one or more episodes of abnormally elevated mood (mania), followed by episodes of intense depression, or mixed episodes characterized by the presense of both mania and depression simultaneously.

schizophrenia:  symptoms:   disorganized thinking, auditory hallucinations, and delusions.

these are from the uber fantastic project garfield minus garfield.  whoever noticed that jon was completely batshit in the course of enjoying garfield’s fat ass antics seems like my kinda person.  keen eye.  good observation. 

poor jon 😦

*pic source

yo somebody gimmie an address to Fox News

from salon.com

remember when Dave Chappelle said in one of his specials or on his show or somethin that sometimes somebody says somethin so decidedly and explicitly racist that you cant say anything but:  damn… that was racist! 

i just had that reaction to this, which i found sitting in my email inbox this morning.  like.  i literally looked at my screen and said:  ‘that is some racist shit.’  very matter-of-factly.

yo i cant imagine what my response would be to that, either as Barack or Michelle.  it would probably be somewhere around ‘MOTHERFUCKER, THIS IS MY/I AM HIS WIFE, AINT NOT GOTDAMN BABY MAMAS AROUND HERE.’  and that would prolly be the best i could do.  lol

this is tantamount to somebody doin a news story on rush limbaugh’s doctor and instead referring to him as his drug pusher.  but let somebody do THAT shit, they’d be all up in arms about it, right? 

i wonder how all those devoted feminist Hillary supporters would respond/are responding to this story.  surely with outrage and offense, right?  cause feminists care about ALL women, right?  a woman who is honestly and truly concerned about the welfare of women everywhere would neeeeeever let something like, oh, i dont know.. political preference and/or bitterness keep her complicit in the face of such an offense against another woman, right?  and ain’t michelle obama a woman?  i hadnt really thought about this until recently, being more focused on her husband and his slugfest with the Clintons, but Michelle is gonna have a REALLY hard road to travel in the political world.  if any woman needs the support of other women right now, it’s her.  actually, id like to write a quick letter to Michelle:

Dear Michelle –

Hey girl!  What’s up! Not much here, just tryin to make it as a double minority in this messed up world.  Anyway, I just wanted to tell you that I know I’ve been hatin on you for awhile and have felt some kinda way about you marrying and sleeping with and feelin all on my man, but we can fight in the streets over him later.  Right now, you need some help fightin big ol scary discriminatory institutions.  I’m focused!

Love,

me.

ps – we will most DEFINITELY fight over him later, though.

anyway.  i guess you could chalk this whole thing up to the whitefolks at fox news just not knowing what the phrase means and ‘misusing’ it.  but fuck that!  this was a racist AND sexist attack from a racist AND sexist news station.  they knew what they were doin.

bastards.

so yeah, find me an address to send some angry letters.  they keep makin it very hard for me to stick to talkin about fake hair and fake boobs in this blog i and i aint takin it no more!!!

we tryna buy back our 40 acres (c) kanye

but hotdamnit.. THIS IS NOT THE WAY TO DO IT

join me in thinking of better things he could have done with the money he spent on his eye, shall we? 

-a really, really big gift certificate to Cracker Barrell

-a shitload of various & sundry meat and cheese trays

-drugs, booze, or other self-medicating materials to dull the pain of having lost that eye in the first place

-the ‘hell date’ midgets

-many t-shirts that say ‘I MAY HAVE LOST MY EYE BUT I AM STILL A MAN AND I DONT HAVE TO BUY A 100K DIAMOND EYE TO PROVE IT’

-an actor to pretend to be his father to give him all the hugs his real dad never did as a child

-lots & lots of disease-free whores

-even more potentially diseased whores (the fun part is not knowing what they have!)

-the masters to all of Disco Rick’s songs

things that will unfortunately not appear on this list:  validation, common sense, a functioning eye, rhyming ability.

im filing this one under ‘kill yourself expeditiously.’