but hotdamnit.. THIS IS NOT THE WAY TO DO IT
join me in thinking of better things he could have done with the money he spent on his eye, shall we?
-a really, really big gift certificate to Cracker Barrell
-a shitload of various & sundry meat and cheese trays
-drugs, booze, or other self-medicating materials to dull the pain of having lost that eye in the first place
-the ‘hell date’ midgets
-many t-shirts that say ‘I MAY HAVE LOST MY EYE BUT I AM STILL A MAN AND I DONT HAVE TO BUY A 100K DIAMOND EYE TO PROVE IT’
-an actor to pretend to be his father to give him all the hugs his real dad never did as a child
-lots & lots of disease-free whores
-even more potentially diseased whores (the fun part is not knowing what they have!)
-the masters to all of Disco Rick’s songs
things that will unfortunately not appear on this list: validation, common sense, a functioning eye, rhyming ability.
im filing this one under ‘kill yourself expeditiously.’