honesty: a social experiment

a self-portrait.

a self-portrait.

okay.  so this blog isn’t about me, ive said that several times.  or at least ive intended to say that several times.  so, as you read, know that this project is not directly about my devistating beauty, my magnetic personality, or my dazzling wit.  those are only backdrops.

so i have discussions with dudes all the time abt how they just want women to be straight up and honest with them, particularly during the act of hollerin. 

when im approached by someone on the street that im not interested in, and as a general rule, im RARELY interested in someone who would approach me with a street holla, i typically tell them that i have a boyfriend, which i dont, so that’s more or less a baldheaded lie (c) martin.  but to me, it seems to be the easiest option.  this dude is not just going to say ‘okay’ and go away when you say ‘no thank you’ to his dinner invitation to Red Lobster.  and truthfully, i dont have solid faith that ‘i have a boyfriend’ will work everytime, and it doesnt.  but i find that to be a quicker end to the line of questioning that comes with a variation of ‘im not interested.’ 

but still, every dude i talk to SWEARS that that’s what they prefer.  ‘just be straight up with me!  if u not interested, you not interested.’  so i decided ima put that to the test.

a couple of weeks ago i was approached by a young man.  can’t remember what he looked like; just a regular dude.  all that is inconsequential anyway.  so he begins:  how you doin what’s your name you look nice where u headed do u live around here blahdeblah whoopdewhoop.  im cordial, and i respond in kind–mama raised me right & im very sweet by nature (despite what the streets may tell you), so i dont immediately swat ppl away, unless im supremely irritated.  so then we get to maybe i can take u out/can i get your number/some such variation.  my first instinct is to positive-k this young man and go the ‘i got a man’ route (roger rabbit and all) but i steel myself and say:

‘no, thank you.’

now if my survey group was to be correct he would have tipped his fitted and said ‘have a nice day’ and pressed on with his life.  but instead i get:

‘oh, u got a man?’


‘what’s the problem with two grown folks steppin out then?’

there isn’t a problem; im just not particularly interested.

‘what, u like girls?’



and this is what happens more often than not!!  the direct approach, if the answer is negative, is unsatisfying.  9 times out of 10.. well, 3 times out of 4, i guess, cause ive only done this and noted the response abt 4 times.. and one time, only once did the young man say ‘alright, have a nice day’ once i politely declined.  3 times out of 4, the gentleman searches endlessly for an explanation.  ‘im not interested’ isnt enough.  but i guess maybe im just not pushing the honesty thing far enough.. maybe im posed to give a reason as to why im uninterested.  what if i aint interested because the dude is unattractive?  am i supposed to say that, in the name of being ‘straight up?’  id get cussed out.  not a doubt in my mind.  aint no dude gon walk away appreciative of being told that he’s ugly.

of course ‘i got a man’ isnt 100% solid and reliable.  typically the response to this is:  ‘oh, u can’t have friends?’  ggggrrrr–guys, DONT SAY THAT SHIT.  dont.  cause YOU’RE not being straightforward when you say that shit.  aint nobody that just tried to get to know your romantic side 2 seconds ago interested in being some broad’s ‘friend,’ and you know it.  you just tryna be dick-in-a-glass, on standby for emergencies, or a fly hidin in a corner waitin til the flyswatter is out so u can swoop in on that peach cobbler and get to nommin’

these are only my findings so far.  i know three dudes cant set the norm for millions, so im gonna keep tryin this out.

speaking of positive k, tho, i wonder what he’s doin right now?  prolly out invitin bitches to Red Lobster.  i wonder if he gets indignant when they tell him they got a man?

did u just tell me u got a man? BITCH AINT YOU NEVER HEARD MY SONG??! I DONT CARE!
did u just tell me u got a man? really?  did u really just say that to me? BITCH AINT YOU NEVER HEARD MY SONG??!


pic sources:  1 | 2

4 responses to “honesty: a social experiment

  1. o snap yall, look! the comment box isnt 10,000 leagues away anymore!

    the gods heard your cries! ashe, ashe!

  2. Another experiment you could do is to start approaching dudes. Use the street hollas that you take offense to or try the respectable way and see what happens.

  3. “I’m Gay” doesn’t work either.
    I’m not a fan of using that line. I just tell ’em I’m not interested. Just like you said: do it nicely and cordially. Most of ’em will still get salty about it.
    “Can I call you sometime?”
    “Well take my number”
    “Why not?”
    I’m not going to call you. We shouldn’t waste each other’s time.
    *Dumb Look*

  4. and you know what…

    i just downloaded that yesterday…

    *does the wop for your pain*

    its okay, i know how you feel. this is kinda why i always wear a faux diamond on the ring finger, that way i can scream (while still running) that i’m married and flash a ring….

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s