August 26, 2008–BIRMINGHAM, U.K.: It seems that the tide continues to turn all across the world. 40 years ago in America, black preachers were having their houses and churches firebombed, their families terrorized, and they themselves were shot and killed like dogs in the streets. Now, in 2008, a black man stands an honest, viable chance at becoming president of the nation, complete with the support of much of the free world. Whether people see it as a positive or negative thing, everyone can agree that this is a hugely siginifant time in American history.
“I can’t believe it!” said Lauren Quails, a student at the University of Louisville in Louisville, KY. “We’re really going places now!” Her mother, Delta Quails, agrees… sort of. “Yeah, we’re goin places. To hell in a handbasket,” she says with hushed tone and furrowed brow. To them both, though, it’s a big deal. And not just in America. People nationwide are opening their arms to presidential hopeful Barack Obama, a black man with a Muslim name.
“A black man with a Muslim name.” Something in that description doesn’t sit well with a growing number of white people. And this time, it’s not what you think.
“Can I just say Obama is mixed race and anyone that says… that he is African American are[sic] racist,” says Marko on a messageboard in the UK. “He is half European as well.”
As they say in the movies, this changes everything. This wave of white Americans and Europeans wanting to declassify Barack Obama as a black man stands in stark contrast to the centuries old, tacit “1/16th” or “one drop” rule in America that stated that all it took was one drop (or 1/16th) of black blood to legally classify a person as black. Though this rule may not be in lawbooks today, its effects are still clearly felt and seen in today’s world. Those with any African lineage are typically considered black, particularly if they have any sort of black of African features. Look at popular culture, as an example: Halle Berry, Philip Michael Thomas, Lenny Kravitz, Alicia Keys, Mario Van Peebles, Vanessa Williams, Bob Marley, and Malcolm X are all classified as or presumed to be black. Why the sudden change?
“Basically, we want in on this too,” said Chadworth Keystone of the Bureau of Things that are Important to White People in Hartford, Connecticut. “Barack Obama is a great man, you know. He is clearly… he’s clearly just, just wow, you know? He dresses awesome, and he speaks so well and.. he’s just awesome, and so we want a piece of that. And since his mom was white, then technically we already have a piece of that, and it’s not fair that people overlook that, it’s just not fair. Not to him or us! We helped make that, and he shouldn’t have to choose! Also, if we make him white, then it makes it a lot easier for us to deal with our wives wanting to sleep with him.”
Corey Clark: Not important enough to make white people care.
What about Corey Clark, we asked him, the bi-racial (black and white) American Idol star kicked off the show for domestic violence and drug charges who later claimed that he had an affair with judge Paula Abdul? Is he white?
“Uhh… Well, I mean, you know. He’s.. he doesn’t really look.. um.. is that the phone? I think I hear the phone, I need to take this.” He then proceeded to pick up a television remote control and hold it to his ear and sat as if waiting for us to leave. When we pointed out that he was not, in fact, holding a telephone, he screamed “GO AWAY!” and shut his eyes tightly, refusing to open them again.
We asked Leroy Brown, a Chicago mechanic, what he thought about this new phenomenon of whites demanding that Obama not be black. “Ain’t sh*t new,” he said. “White folk can’t let niggas have nothin.”
© The Impoverished Times
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