consider this my official proposal to begin a nationwide–nay, WORLDwide movement to stress the ultimate sexiness of a man (or woman, but due to my own biases, this will be about men) with a headfull of gray hair. i love gray hair. i hope that i go totally and completely gray when it’s my turn. im already workin on it; i got a streak of gray behind my ear that i have lovingly named Elvira. we’re gonna take over the world. watch.
i sat and thought about all the gray headed men who tickle my fancies, picked my 10 favorites and ranked them as best i could. im gonna go ahead and say straight up that there is a SEVERE lack of melanin in this list. i want us to do something about that. BLACK/BROWN MEN: EMBRACE YOUR GHOSTLY FOLLICLES. let that goatee get frosty! it’s okay! maybe we should make a rap song about it. “frosty.” uhh, uh huh, yeah… oh.. yeah yeah 1-2-1-2.. im FRAWSTAAY! im FRAWSTAAAY! havin ice on my pinky just wasnt enough, im FRAWSTAAAY! a-so FRAWSTAAAY! so i iced out my chin too, n!gga, im TOUGH!”
yes? no? i’ll work on it and get back to you.
anyway, without further achoo, let’s get this sexytrain rollin, shall we?
Who he is: an emmy-nominated actor who has graced the stage, film, and television. he got his start as Dr. Jackson on the medical drama St. Elsewhere and went on to star in some pretty notable flicks, including The Rock, The Green Mile, and 16 Blocks. he’s 54 years young, married with 3 kids & (I think?) lives in Philadelphia (w00t!)
Why he’s hot: i have a feeling i may be alone in this; i get ridiculed for my weird crushes all the time. i think he’s adorable though. my motivation here is kind of biased too, i admit: i fell in love with Morse when i saw him in one of my most favorite movies ever (even though i can’t watch it anymore cause it makes me cry), The Green Mile. he was so sweet in that movie!! that earned him a special place in both my heart and loins. also, he’s 6 foot 4. rrrraaaawwr!!
Who he is: an American journalist & CNN’s chief national correspondant. these days, he’s best known for making the Magic Wall his bitch during CNN’s 2008 presidential primary coverage. he’s a svelte 44 years old, and 11 years ago, he married fellow CNN news type person Dana Bash. they will likely birth their own entire news team of teleprompter readin, Magic Wall pimpin’ reporters, if they haven’t done so already. which they may have. i dunno.
Why he is the sexy: there’s somethin about a smart man in a suit who is chief anything for one of the nation’s largest leading news stations. plus he’s pretty. sort of… eerily pretty. like almost suspiciously so. other than that though, he’s just a really well put together guy & the gray hair is the perfect silver frosting. yum-o!
Who he is: if you don’t know this, you ought be smacked about the head and shoulders. bill withers wrote all your favorite songs, i don’t care how old you are. if you’re old enough to know his originals, he wrote “just the two of us.” if you’re some pimply faced teenage whippersnapper who, for some strange reason, is still listening to will smith, then bill withers wrote the song that was sampled for “just the two of us.” he sings, plays guitar and keyboard and, back in the day, had a mean meal of mutton dwelling upon his cheeks.
Why he’s hot: omg look at that man! is he not the cutest thing ever?? dont feel bad if you didnt know; i had no idea either. hell i didnt even know he was still alive, let alone alive and scrumptious! he’s 70 years old, and i dont know how recent that picture is, but he looks very, very good. plus, he had an album back in the day called “Naked & Warm.” he so nasty!
Who he is: a year shy of 50, he’s a newscaster and host of MSNBC’s Countdown with Keith Olbermann, during which he dubs the night’s worst person in the world. before all that, he was a member of ESPN’s Sportscenter team. a good portion of the the interweb nets seem to regard him as, how do you say, batshit ass crazy.
Why he’s hot: look, this guy’s an asshole. BIG time. i actually think this is a better shot of him because it really captures his essence–mouth open, likely complaining about something, finger in the midst of pointing and judging everyone and everything in sight. id hate him if i disagreed with his views, but i dont, so i LOVE HIM. he’s never been so sexy as he was when he was trying his best to literally and physically cripple hillary clinton with his acid tongue. he’s even got his own hate sites splattered around. you know what i say: if you dont have any haters, then you aint doin it right. GET EM, BOO!
Who he is: an American actor best known for his roles in Pretty Woman, An Officer and a Gentleman, and Chicago, a role for which he trained in tap dancing for 5 months. he was born in Philadelphia (w00t!), can trace his ancestry back to the Mayflower, is a former gymnast, an accomplished pianist, and is currently a practicing Bhuddist. he was once banned from the Oscars for talkin slick about China on the air.
Why he’s hot: he’s so dreamy! plus he got all kinds of hidden talents, as noted above; he was admitted to the University of Massachusetts on a gymnastics scholarship, he composed and performed the featured piano solo in Pretty Woman, and he’s so flippin hot that he once kissed a girl and pissed off an entire Indian city. in response, richard gere apologized, saying “im sorry, southern asia.. you can’t imprison all of this sexy.”
Who he is: in west philadelphia, born and raised, on the playground is where he spent most of his days; chillin out, maxin, relaxin all cool & all, shootin some b-ball outside of the school, when a couple of guys–they were up to no good–started makin trouble in his neighborhood. he got in one little fight, and his moms got scared, she said: “you’re movin with your auntie and uncle in bel air.”
Why he’s hot: i really wrestled with my soul over this one. i want him to be higher on this list because he really deserves to be, BUT.. im not certain if he only went gray for I Am Legend, or if it’s somethin that he’s letting happen. this entry is really dedicated to the embracers.. if he pulled an Amy & went back to black, then he really doesnt count. even so though… GATDAMN! yo man. this is what i need. black men, you look SO GOOD with gray hair!! look at that! look at THIS! see, u dont evn gotta go all the way gray. just embrace it and rock it as it comes. gray hair or no though, this man is and always will be the business, no matter how many wack songs he puts out.
Who he is: KY IN THE HOUSE! HAAAAY! REPPASINT! REPPASINT! *ahem* Clooney is an actor and a native of Lexington, KY, which is the lamest city we have, but i’ll take it anyway. he’s pretty much been in everything, from The Facts of Life, ER, and Rosanne to O Brother Where Art Thou, Michael Clayton, and South Park, the movie. he’s probably what you think of when you think “movie star.” and he’s from Kentucky. went to school there and everything.
Why he’s hot: ive actually been hating for years. whenever Hollywood goes wild over somebody’s looks, i break my back finding things to pick at. ive been successful in keeping my pantydraws dry at the sight of denzel washington, but ive decided to give in to george clooney. he’s just hot. and he’s from kentucky 🙂 AND HE HAS ALL HIS TEETH! SEE?! WE HAVE TEETH IN KENTUCKY!
Who he is: i’ll struggle to keep this short: he comes from a pretty much royal NY family, he was a child model, went to africa at 17, got malaria & promptly kicked malaria’s ass, then graduated from yale, worked for the CIA after he graduated, and then, deciding he wanted to get into journalism with no formal training, made a fake press pass, went to Burma & produced his own fucking news story, thank you very much, and sold it to a small American station as a means of getting his foot in the door of the news journalism world. the rest is pretty much history.
Why he’s hot: hello? did you read all that shit up there?! holy blazing hell! and there’s quite a bit i didnt even mention. he may or may not be gay, not that the “gay” part matters. what’s significant here is that he refuses to comment on it on some “fuck you, im anderson cooper!” shit. for further confirmation of the brassness of anderson’s balls, witness him get on national tv and slick talk a young actress’ entire family. & that hair! WOO! he’s only 41 and he started graying at 20, so that means he’s been more distinguished than you for half as long as he’s been alive. AND, he can work the bloody bejeezus out of a suit. even one made out of paper. im sure he was probably a ninja at some point in his life; im gonna go get his memoir today to be sure.
Who he is: he’s fuckin AWESOME, that’s who he is. but technically speaking, he’s an award-winning comedian, actor, and writer, among other things, and has hosted the Oscars approx. 87 times. his current show, The Daily Show is literally better than any other news show around. this is significant because the show airs on Comedy Central. it’s a comedy show. still better than the real news. he’s 45 years old, played the French horn and soccer as a kid, and his last name is Leibowitz.
Why he’s hot: i’m sure there are some eyebrows raising in wonderment of how john stewart got put above the likes of clooney & richard gere, who was voted sexiest man alive or somethin like that in the 1990s. this is more of my own bias: i loooooooove funny men. love love love. i also loooove love love smart men. so pretty much, with this guy in the room, id be 2 seconds away from instantaneous miraculous conception. aside from being funny, smart, and devilishly handsome, he’s got an impressive set of pretty sizeable balls. if u cant act right, he’ll essentially come to your home, tell you how much you suck, and get you fired. gotta love that.
Who he is: taylor hicks is a highly talented magician who convinced the entire American television-viewing populace that he’d be a successful recording artist. born in Birmingham, AL, he plays the harmonica and guitar in addition to singing, and actually released two independent albums as a teenager. he has two goldfish named Lamont and Ray. Lamont is a dope name for a goldfish.
Why he’s hot: okay, before you start rioting in the streets, HEAR ME OUT! this list isnt just about sex appeal; its about gray hair, and taylor’s gray hair is more significant i think, because think about it: this dude is not old. i mean none of the other guys are either, except bill withers, but this guy is YOUNG. he’s 32 years old and started graying at only 14. can you imagine the pressures, with this society’s sick obession with age and youth? a girl who started graying at 14 would dye, no doubt about it, and id guess that lots of guys would too. taylor didnt! he said you know what, my gray ass is just gon be gray. im awesome enough to pull it off. and i agree. crippled career aside, he’s hugely talented and cute as a button–look @ that picture!–and dare i say he’s cuter with the gray hair than without?
so that’s why taylor gets #1 from me. plus, he’s who got me on this gray hair kick in the first place, so without him, all those other tasty morsels of man meat wldnt even be on my plate.
take this and run with it, boys! gray hair is good aaall the time, and all the time, gray hair is good.