Monthly Archives: October 2008

1/2 of my fantasy

a wet barack obama?  check.

a wet and NAKED barack obama?  still workin on it.

pics via the huffington post.

girlfriends, rejoice! baseball is over!

we now return you to your regularly scheduled boyfriend.

but seriously folks… YAAAAY!  WOOOO!  GO PHILS!!!  i didnt even like baseball until like a month ago.  we dont have a pro ball team back where i come from, so its never been a big deal.  that’s prolly why its been so amazing to see the whole city go absolutely nuts for it.  i understand though; louisville did the same thing x yrs ago when U of L got into the Final Four.  all hours of the night, floodin the streets, bumper to bumper traffic.  ppl on foot.  ppl in cars.  ppl ON cars.  literally.

actual picture from the actual pandemonium

actual picture from the actual pandemonium

that was a big deal, but super small compared to what went on last night.  my neighborhood was fairly calm; i took a walk around and some corners were full of people yelling randomly at passers by; all the horns were honking.  some girl in a ‘girls gone wild’ hoodie ran around the neighborhood twice yelling GO PHILS! by the time i’d made it to one end.  lol.  it was fun.  meanwhile, on broad street:

omg how did he even get up there??

needless to say, most of my coworkers arent here today.  if i wanted to go ‘where’s waldo’ on that picture up there, i cld prolly find at least 4 of them in there.

in conclusion, very cool stuff.  this is sort of new to me, since im unaccustomed to living in a city with any kind of pro sports team.  i think i cld be more moved by everyone else’s emotion and hysteria than i am by the actual win.  i dunno tho; im really happy for everybody.

and by far, my favorite part of the game:  phillies fans took the time out of the rabid cheering to boo Mayor Nutter after he took the mic @ the stadium after the win.  lmao!  what assholes.  i love philly.

**broad street pics from here

obama city!

when i close my eyes and imagine such a place, it’s full of nothing.  nothing but me and a very shirtless, very excited-to-see-me barack obama (btw, did yall see him give that speech in the rain??  i looked at my screen and squealed ‘OMG HE’S WET!!!  PUT EM ON THE GLASS BOO!’). 

turns out my utopian vision is pretty much the exact opposite of what it is.. full of japanese citizens, very devoid of obamas.  still, it manages to look like quite the awesome place, wldnt you agree?

i stole them from sheena who stole them from the huffington post.  yay thievery!  if you thumb through her site, you’ll stumble upon lots of great things, including occassional stories of japanese love for obama.  i love stories like that. 

i also love obama in the rain.  prolly tastes like aquafina & honest leadership.  mmph!

best/worst halloween costume of the day

on the left.  the other two are hot garbage on a shitpile.  the one in the middle is just using halloween as an excuse to wear clubwear during the day, and is the other one supposed to be a gay wookie?  what the fruck?

i’m all for suing people and everything.

but come on, lady.  you know you in the wrong right here.

Woman Says JC Penny Refused Service Because She is Black

LOS ANGELES — A woman is suing a local beauty salon for what she claims is a blatant act of discrimination.

Brenda McElmore says she went to a JC Penny’s hair salon in Downey two months ago to get her hair dyed and was refused service.

“We don’t do African-American hair.” McElmore said she was told by a receptionist and a manager.  McElmore says she was then told to go elsewhere to get her hair done.

McElmore says she faced similar indignities when she was growing up.

“When we were going through town, going through Texas, we would have to ask, “Where is the Black part of town?” “I lived those things,” she added.

In a letter sent to McElmore by JC Penny, the company apologized for her experience, but said that the hairdressers at the salon did not have the proficiencies to perform the services she required, and that they would rather not attempt to do her hair if they cannot perform the service as required.

However, a witness for the plaintiff, who is being represented by Gloria Allred, said that licensed cosmetologists are trained to do hair of customers of every race.

———–

would you trust your fingerwaves, french rolls, & waterfall curls to this lady?

would you trust your fingerwaves, french rolls, & waterfall curls to this lady?

okay.  i mean i guess technically, she’s right.  they did refuse her service because of her ethnicity.  TECHNICALLY.  but they didnt turn her away b/c she’s black, they did it b/c they dont know how to do her hair.  what they shld have done was tell her flat out ‘we dont know how to do black folk’s hair, but if you want to let us try anyway, we will, but don’t bite our heads off if it comes out shitty/bald/etc.’ 

but come on now.  i dont buy for 2 seconds that line abt all hairdressers being trained to do all hair types.  or okay, i can buy that it’s part of their training.  but if after that training is over, you work in predominantly white or black salons, how sharp are your hair skills gon be on heads of different textures?  i can tell you off top, i am not takin my naps to somebody who hasnt had them at some point in his/her life.  i dunno if she’s had that wig plastered to her head for so long that she thinks it’s her natural texture or what, but really.  she shld know better.

plus she’s in freaking LA.  why she tryna get her hair done at JC Penny anyway?? aint no black hair spots in LA???

so. this ashley todd mccain mugging business. UPDATE: she confessed.

****update on the update.  looks like the little ratfink confessed.  she really, REALLY better apologize to EVERYBODY b/c there’s nobody that she hasn’t run afoul of with this story.  she insulted obama supporters, mad mccain supporters look bad, and clearly thought that the entire nation was dumb enough to believe that wack ass B and sparkly makeup black eye.  i mean it, i want a joe the plumber type press conference held in her driveway with jimmy swaggart ‘I HAVE SINNED AGAINST YOU!!’ type tears.

simple bitch.  ugh.

**update:  lol, folks are ON IT.  check out ashleyislying.wordpress.com for more details & inconsistancies**

as a woman, i wont lie.  it is my inclination to believe a woman’s claims of being attacked by a man, because im of the opinion that it’s more dangerous to disbelieve such claims and be incorrect than it is to believe them and be wrong.  i’m a woman’s woman, what can i say.

but flat out, this story is WAAAY too fishy for me to be believing.

if you havent heard, check this link.  quick synopsis:

-woman in pittsburgh @ an atm gets roughed up and robbed at knifepoint.  cool, i can believe that.

-the assault happens out of eyeshot of the security cameras.  at a bank.  you know how many security cameras are strung up at banks?  whatever tho.. sometimes the stars align in such a way and things happen.

-at some point, he notices that the girl has a McCain bumper sticker on her car, gets incensed, decides to ‘teach her a lesson’ (supposedly a direct quote from him to the girl) and proceeds to rough her up, ending with the carving of the letter ‘B,’ presumably for ‘Barack’ into her face.

*RECORD SCRATCH*

what?!  like.  …what??!  do we even need to talk abt why this is suspicious?  how does a man who has just robbed and beat up a woman have the time or presence of mind, what with all the ‘GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE BEFORE YOU GET CAUGHT! adrenaline coursing through his veins, to just hang around and watch her go to her car AND peep the bumper sticker??  what kind of man who apparently feels that he has to rob someone to get money rationalize potentially getting caught by sticking around some more to make a political statement???  if you in the streets like that, how are politics that heavy on your mind??  

no, i say.  here’s where she needs more people, in the immortal words of Jay-Z, and i need to see a picture.  and im in luck.  

the ‘B’ is backwards.

.

unless she took this picture while aiming her camera at a mirrored reflection, this would mean that the mugger, frantic & hopped up on adrenaline, and armed with a knife, wrestling with a struggling victim and pressed for time, steadied himself AND her enough to SCRATCH–not carve–a pretty steadily formed letter into her face, taking care not to apply too much pressure to break the skin with his knife (note:  knifes are typically pretty sharp), and concentrated enough to, for some reason, write the letter BACKWARDS.

come on, now.

i highly encourage you to check out what the intellects (ha) at okayplayer are saying on it.  there’s some pretty delicious conspiracy theorizing going on, and this time it actually makes sense.  things get suspiciouser (ie – after the attack, she refused medical attention and, though she didn’t know where she was, managed to make her way to a friend’s house in an unfamiliar city/part of time.  …riiiiight).

what i wanted to call attention to though, is her myspace page.  her quote reads:  lying is the most fun a girl can have without taking her clothes off, but it’s better if you do.

…wooooow. i almost stood up and said ‘no further questions, your honor’ after that.  then i realized i would have been talking to myself and decided against it.  also, it looks like she took one of those annoying little quizzes that myspacers seem to love to take and share with everyone (‘I’M A CARRIE!  WHICH SEX IN THE CITY BROAD ARE YOU?!’).  this one asks the question, ‘how will you die?’  her result:  ‘political assasination.’

Your obsession with power will eventually be the end of you when you’re shot down by members of your own cabinet.

Rough way to go. We recommend writing up a good will, and shredding any documents that might paint you as a shady character. The last thing you need is your political legacy being destroyed when greedy relatives ransacking your mansion discover that you plagiarized your book report in fourth grade.

…yeah.  either Dionne Warwick really does have some psychic abilities, or…. yeah.

plus, she twittered about it.  OMG THIS IS SO SCARY!  WHAT DO I DO WHAT DO I DO??  I KNOW, I’LL TWEET!  wtf.  give me a break please, someone.  expeditiously.

even that hardcore conservative chick doesn’t believe it.  and if SHE has decided to put down her cup of koolaid on this one, i think we could all stand to look twice at this pot of bullshit stew.

sorry, ash.  you’re walkin this one without me, my sister.

thanks to okp for all the links & theorem.

who knew the letter “U” was so… rapey?

HALP!!

HALP!!

smokey robinson did!

if you’re old enough to be annoyed by hipsters, you’re old enough to remember and fully appreciate classic sesame street.  if this is you, then you should remember smokie robinson performing “you really got a hold on me,” as he taught little children the dangers of getting involved with fatal attraction-ass vowels.

this has always been one of my favorite sesame street memories, but you know what?  looking back… this is really creepy.  this U has some therapy-grade attachment issues and poor smokey should really stfu with all the singin & make friends with 911.  this is a PROBLEM!  he’s being stalked!  relentlessly!  i mean, let’s walk through the different levels of disturbing, shall we?

0:35 – the first official unwanted physical contact

0:57 – just to clear the air and banish any possibility that this cld simply be a ‘no means yes’ situation, smokey tells everybody plainly, “bein grabbed by a letter is unappealin.”  translation:  “these are all bad touches.”

1:10 – smokey literally & physically has to guard his crotch against the looming invasion of his no-no spot.

1:23 – yo, this thing really wants smokey’s balls.

1:48 – assault.

1:54 – battery.

2:26 – OMG KIDNAPPING WTF

2:38 – full out, unabashed, unashamed, hardcore, full pursuit, “if i cant have you, nobody can” style stalking

3:06 – i guess smokey decides it’s cheaper–and more beneficial to his health–to keep her.

so.  how do you feel now that this little gem of your childhood has been soiled and dirtied?  a little dead inside?  i know the feeling well.

wtf, philly metro. + way to go, j. andrew!

i meant to write to the metro (one of philly’s free newspapers) abt this, but i got sidetracked and then i just plum forgot. 

philly metro has gotten into this thing lately where they attempt to be funny and witty in their discussion of politics and the presidential race, right.  they sort of suck at it.  i love the metro, dont get me wrong but.. they just need funnier writers (IF YALL ARE READIN, GET AT ME).  in monday’s edition, someone wrote a segment called ‘5 things that can win it for mccain or obama.’   according to their list, the number 3 thing that john mccain can do, and i quote directly:

Get Michelle Obama to look as angry as you do.  People don’t like you because of your attitude?  Have you seen this woman?  She’s ready to go ghetto on someone’s ass.

now, im an asshole.  i appreciate the assholishness of others so long as it stops short of ignorance.  im not mad that they talkin abt Michelle lookin angry.  everybody looks angry sometimes!  but (can you guess what im finna say here?)…

WHY SHE GOTTA BE READY TO GO GHETTO THO??  i mean honestly!  if she was white she wldnt be no kindsa ghetto.  but naw, michelle’s bout to go ghetto.  sigh.  graduating from princeton and harvard, becoming a lawyer, and being poised to move into the white house apparently still aint enough for some folks to separate blackness and ghettoness.  lame move, metro.  someone with a better grasp of comedy and comedic writing wldnt have to take such a lazy leap tryin to get some laughs.  TWO DEMERITS FOR YOU.

monday’s metro saving grace came on the following page though, but not from its own writers; a one J. Andrew Smith of Bloomfield, NJ, sent in a letter to the paper, and i thought what he said makes a great quote so i wanted to share it:

Setting the record straight on Obama.  Let the record state:  Obama is 50% white, 50% black, 100% American, 100% Christian, 0% Muslim and 0% terrorist.  He represents a 100% change from Bush, not McCain’s 10%, and although less than 100% of Republicans are racists, 100% of racists vote Republican.

heh!  shut em down, J!

know the best thing abt this picture?

if you said my hair, then you’re lying because that was in the midst of a terrible hair week.  you’re very sweet tho 🙂

if you said the hint of cleavage @ the bottom, stop being nasty!

if you said my skin, go get some of philosophy’s hope in a jar!  i’m not sure yet, but i think i love it!

if you said my earrings, YOU WIN!  YOU WIN EVERYTHING!

those are my newest favorites, and they draw a good bit of attention everywhere i go.  ‘are those real keys??’ is the most common question.  ‘to your house??’ is usually the second.  a dumb look typically follows that.

these were made by the uber-talented, snarky stylista maria.  omg, she’s like 12 years old, cusses up a storm and makes some of the dopest earrings ive seen in awhile.  i dunno if she has more of the keys, and as much as id love to keep all of you from biting my steez, i give you permission to lift a pair if she does, all in the name of her success. 

ive been meaning to put her and like a billion other ppl in my links here, and im going to do that soon (i mean it this time!).  but in the mean and in between, go give her a holler, see what she’s wearing, read her rants, marvel @ her photog skills, be moved by her poemtry (quite the art fart, huh??) and BUY SOME EARRINGS.  tell her i sent you, and you geta free cookie!*  more designs below!  thank me later!

1  |  3  |  4  |  5 

*i can’t actually guarantee this.  its worth a shot tho, right?

a real chance of redundancy

 

why didnt they photoshop that shit off his tongue??

why didnt they photoshop that shit off his tongue??

so.  i checked out vh1’s latest king magazine model-maker, ‘a real chance at love.’   if you’re unawares (congratulations!  you probably have cultural standards!), this is yet another love-finding reality show starring people who became ‘famous’ after being on the reality show of a person who was made ‘famous’ on the reality show of someone who became relevant again after being on two prior reality shows. 

i dunno, guys.  i loved ‘flavor of love,’ i will readily admit.  it was my guilty pleasure.  i also watched the second season and dabbled in the third.  and i watched ‘i love new york.’  second season too.  the point im making is that these sorts of shows and this particular format (generally unattractive subject somehow gets a busload of sometimes attractive people to act like complete and utter asses on national tv) was entertaining.  but im not so moved anymore.  it’s sort of like making a copy of a copy of a copy.  eventually, your results wont be as clear and clean and crisp as the original.. i think vh1 is approaching that point, and it doesnt look like its gonna stop soon.  this is already in the works, and i wont be surprised if janice the muppet (aka ‘new york’) does another season, and you know we’ll see a ‘daisy of love’ charm school and a ‘real chance of love’ charm school and dear lord who knows what else.  i guess they found their goldmine and are determined to bleed it dry.  it cld very well be around for awhile too.. i mean look at the ‘survivor’ series.  that’s been on tv since like 1986.

the first ‘flavor of love’ was entertaining because it was more believable.  i’m sure the girls on the show didnt anticipate that they’d blow up the way they did, all on the covers of your favorite sleezy magazines and what not, so i could buy that they were actually there to get something from flavor flav, if not his love and extremely sloppy and potentially smelly kisses, then whatever money he managed not to smoke up over the course of his career.  now its like okay.  this is just a short stop on your way to booties and bits magazine.  or to your own reality show.  everybody is just sooooooooo completely extra and over the top, it’s so transparent.  even if the shit aint real, i need to believe it for a few seconds so i can watch.  it’s gettin ashy 😦

and i think this one kinda creeps me out because its so…. meat marketish.  i mean i think any dating show where one man picks from a house full of women is meat markety, but especially so with vh1 shows, and doubly so with this real & chance show.  i mean the first thing that happens in these houses?  the choosing males give the women new names of their choice.  if you want to read into that, you could say that its a pretty pointed symbolic gesture of ownership, to look at a woman and say ‘sherronam’ika is too square!  ima call you tittyknobs!’  i mean, flav supposedly did it because he wldnt be able to remember their real names what with the brain cells lost to crack and all.  now?  its just tradition.  and i shake my head, slowly and deliberately.

i was gonna say somethin about each of the girls, but i dont feel motivated.  off the top of my head, from what i can remember, this one seems decent, sane, sweet, and misplaced; this one has an… interesting face, this one likely has 1-2 personality disorders, this one *really* needs a darker shade of lipstick/gloss, this one was actually one of the prettiest in my estimation, but it goes out the window soon as she opens her mouth, and this one… no.  just no.  (you can find pics of the rest of them here.)

i dunno.  the whole thing has fallen off, if you want my humble.  but alas, i’ll prolly catch a few epsiodes 😦

id like to conclude by saying that whomsoever keeps dressing real like a ‘vampire in brooklyn’ reject needs to be fired expeditiously.  same for whoever keeps putting shalack in chance’s hair.