Monthly Archives: October 2008

wtf, philly metro. + way to go, j. andrew!

i meant to write to the metro (one of philly’s free newspapers) abt this, but i got sidetracked and then i just plum forgot. 

philly metro has gotten into this thing lately where they attempt to be funny and witty in their discussion of politics and the presidential race, right.  they sort of suck at it.  i love the metro, dont get me wrong but.. they just need funnier writers (IF YALL ARE READIN, GET AT ME).  in monday’s edition, someone wrote a segment called ‘5 things that can win it for mccain or obama.’   according to their list, the number 3 thing that john mccain can do, and i quote directly:

Get Michelle Obama to look as angry as you do.  People don’t like you because of your attitude?  Have you seen this woman?  She’s ready to go ghetto on someone’s ass.

now, im an asshole.  i appreciate the assholishness of others so long as it stops short of ignorance.  im not mad that they talkin abt Michelle lookin angry.  everybody looks angry sometimes!  but (can you guess what im finna say here?)…

WHY SHE GOTTA BE READY TO GO GHETTO THO??  i mean honestly!  if she was white she wldnt be no kindsa ghetto.  but naw, michelle’s bout to go ghetto.  sigh.  graduating from princeton and harvard, becoming a lawyer, and being poised to move into the white house apparently still aint enough for some folks to separate blackness and ghettoness.  lame move, metro.  someone with a better grasp of comedy and comedic writing wldnt have to take such a lazy leap tryin to get some laughs.  TWO DEMERITS FOR YOU.

monday’s metro saving grace came on the following page though, but not from its own writers; a one J. Andrew Smith of Bloomfield, NJ, sent in a letter to the paper, and i thought what he said makes a great quote so i wanted to share it:

Setting the record straight on Obama.  Let the record state:  Obama is 50% white, 50% black, 100% American, 100% Christian, 0% Muslim and 0% terrorist.  He represents a 100% change from Bush, not McCain’s 10%, and although less than 100% of Republicans are racists, 100% of racists vote Republican.

heh!  shut em down, J!

know the best thing abt this picture?

if you said my hair, then you’re lying because that was in the midst of a terrible hair week.  you’re very sweet tho 🙂

if you said the hint of cleavage @ the bottom, stop being nasty!

if you said my skin, go get some of philosophy’s hope in a jar!  i’m not sure yet, but i think i love it!

if you said my earrings, YOU WIN!  YOU WIN EVERYTHING!

those are my newest favorites, and they draw a good bit of attention everywhere i go.  ‘are those real keys??’ is the most common question.  ‘to your house??’ is usually the second.  a dumb look typically follows that.

these were made by the uber-talented, snarky stylista maria.  omg, she’s like 12 years old, cusses up a storm and makes some of the dopest earrings ive seen in awhile.  i dunno if she has more of the keys, and as much as id love to keep all of you from biting my steez, i give you permission to lift a pair if she does, all in the name of her success. 

ive been meaning to put her and like a billion other ppl in my links here, and im going to do that soon (i mean it this time!).  but in the mean and in between, go give her a holler, see what she’s wearing, read her rants, marvel @ her photog skills, be moved by her poemtry (quite the art fart, huh??) and BUY SOME EARRINGS.  tell her i sent you, and you geta free cookie!*  more designs below!  thank me later!

1  |  3  |  4  |  5 

*i can’t actually guarantee this.  its worth a shot tho, right?

a real chance of redundancy

 

why didnt they photoshop that shit off his tongue??

why didnt they photoshop that shit off his tongue??

so.  i checked out vh1’s latest king magazine model-maker, ‘a real chance at love.’   if you’re unawares (congratulations!  you probably have cultural standards!), this is yet another love-finding reality show starring people who became ‘famous’ after being on the reality show of a person who was made ‘famous’ on the reality show of someone who became relevant again after being on two prior reality shows. 

i dunno, guys.  i loved ‘flavor of love,’ i will readily admit.  it was my guilty pleasure.  i also watched the second season and dabbled in the third.  and i watched ‘i love new york.’  second season too.  the point im making is that these sorts of shows and this particular format (generally unattractive subject somehow gets a busload of sometimes attractive people to act like complete and utter asses on national tv) was entertaining.  but im not so moved anymore.  it’s sort of like making a copy of a copy of a copy.  eventually, your results wont be as clear and clean and crisp as the original.. i think vh1 is approaching that point, and it doesnt look like its gonna stop soon.  this is already in the works, and i wont be surprised if janice the muppet (aka ‘new york’) does another season, and you know we’ll see a ‘daisy of love’ charm school and a ‘real chance of love’ charm school and dear lord who knows what else.  i guess they found their goldmine and are determined to bleed it dry.  it cld very well be around for awhile too.. i mean look at the ‘survivor’ series.  that’s been on tv since like 1986.

the first ‘flavor of love’ was entertaining because it was more believable.  i’m sure the girls on the show didnt anticipate that they’d blow up the way they did, all on the covers of your favorite sleezy magazines and what not, so i could buy that they were actually there to get something from flavor flav, if not his love and extremely sloppy and potentially smelly kisses, then whatever money he managed not to smoke up over the course of his career.  now its like okay.  this is just a short stop on your way to booties and bits magazine.  or to your own reality show.  everybody is just sooooooooo completely extra and over the top, it’s so transparent.  even if the shit aint real, i need to believe it for a few seconds so i can watch.  it’s gettin ashy 😦

and i think this one kinda creeps me out because its so…. meat marketish.  i mean i think any dating show where one man picks from a house full of women is meat markety, but especially so with vh1 shows, and doubly so with this real & chance show.  i mean the first thing that happens in these houses?  the choosing males give the women new names of their choice.  if you want to read into that, you could say that its a pretty pointed symbolic gesture of ownership, to look at a woman and say ‘sherronam’ika is too square!  ima call you tittyknobs!’  i mean, flav supposedly did it because he wldnt be able to remember their real names what with the brain cells lost to crack and all.  now?  its just tradition.  and i shake my head, slowly and deliberately.

i was gonna say somethin about each of the girls, but i dont feel motivated.  off the top of my head, from what i can remember, this one seems decent, sane, sweet, and misplaced; this one has an… interesting face, this one likely has 1-2 personality disorders, this one *really* needs a darker shade of lipstick/gloss, this one was actually one of the prettiest in my estimation, but it goes out the window soon as she opens her mouth, and this one… no.  just no.  (you can find pics of the rest of them here.)

i dunno.  the whole thing has fallen off, if you want my humble.  but alas, i’ll prolly catch a few epsiodes 😦

id like to conclude by saying that whomsoever keeps dressing real like a ‘vampire in brooklyn’ reject needs to be fired expeditiously.  same for whoever keeps putting shalack in chance’s hair.

…… of the day

 

…dude.

……

from Danity Kane to Damnity Shame

ive been waaay behind on all the trashy tv out there in the world today.  ‘making the band’.. i dunno, it just got boring to me, so i havent been watching it.  and of course, when i stop watching it is when all the good shit happens.

for just pennies a day, you can help keep these processed follicles moist!

so as the world knows by now, aubrey and d-woods are out of the group.  that’s not the focal point of this entry.  i’m all about moving on and rebuilding, so i propose that we jump straight to business and find a new member or two to fill in those missing spaces.  i have a couple of what, in my estimation, are good candidates.  in no particular order, im thinking:

**Stoney Jackson. dude.  it’s time somebody gave stoney some real work.  can he sing?  iono, maybe.  can he still dance?  who cares?  i’m just concerned for him and any children, if he has them.  in the midst of this recession, im thinking stoney’s gonna be the first ‘please sir, can i have some more’in in the bread lines, by the looks of his upcoming project.  he’s got a hungry jheri curl to feed.  somebody have mercy.

**Cedric the Entertainer. i actually chose this one for his musical and dancerial merits.  ced’s singing is cool.  he might could stand a lesson or two from this legend, but he can hold his own.  he got the dancin on lock tho.  the image of him poplockin in an overly sequined outfit just makes me feel so warm inside.  plus you know how he was like, always lookin for a reason to sing and dance on the steve harvey show and in his comedy specials?  let the man gon’ head and have a shot at the stage.  there’s no way he can be any worse than scarlett johansson.

**T-Baby. im thinking that this is definitely the main way to go.  i think T-baby, whose hit single ‘it’s so cold in the d‘ is KILLIN the internet right now (both literally and figuratively).  it’s the perfect way to introduce a new group of listeners to Danity Kane’s music.  n!ggas in the D aint listenin to DK, IT’S TOO COLD OUT THERE.  maybe she can help the girls keep peace once she figures it out how the fuck to do it.  also, homegirl with the constant roll & rock bounce should officially become the group’s choreographer.  boom-kat aint seein that.

**Charo. the girls are missing a couple of coochies.  charo has many to spare.

**Ceephus & Reesie. twinkaah.. twin-kuuuuuuh.. littuuuuh starruuuuuuuuuuuuuhh.. how iiii wunduuuuh…. WHERE YOU BEEN?!

sarah palin on SNL

so sarah palin made her much anticipated appearance on SNL this weekend and amy poeler COMPLETELY STOLE HER THUNDER.

overall, palin just didnt say much (what else is new).  she did alright tho.  the opening skit was cool, and in her second on stage appearance i noticed her long enough to peep her side-to-side bop & note that she could possibly rank among the best dancers in politics–better than obama, but not at all touching david gregory (he talks abt politicians, so he counts).

but man o man.  amy poeler shut it down with the rap that they all preteneded that sarah palin was going to do.  amy got her 23-months pregnant ass up there and went to TOWN, you hear me??  and then she wu-tanged it up at the end.  *kisses fingers and spreads em in the sky like Franch people do*

lyrics are here.  video is here.
& the way todd points to the map kills me every time.  lol!

AMY FOR VP!!

one of the worst cases of child abuse ive heard of in awhile.

thanks (i guess?) to dre for this.

 

New dad names daughter Sarah McCain Palin

ELIZABETHTON, Tenn. — A new father has secretly named his baby girl Sarah McCain Palin after the Republican ticket for president and vice president.

Mark Ciptak of Elizabethton put that name on the documents for the girl’s birth certificate, ignoring the name Ava Grace, which he and his wife had picked earlier.

“I don’t think she believes me yet,” he told the Kingsport Times-News for a story to be published Tuesday. “It’s going to take some more convincing.”

Ciptak, a blood bank employee for the American Red Cross, said he named his third child after John McCain and Sarah Palin to “to get the word out” about the campaign.

“I took one for the cause,” he said. “I can’t give a lot of financial support for the (McCain/Palin) campaign. I do have a sign up in my yard, but I can do very little.”

 

….seriously, id divorce his ass for this, take him to the cleaners, and donate all the loot to Barack*.  what a doosh.

 

*im lyin, i’d buy a jacuzzi.

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