Monthly Archives: November 2008

george bush pardons john forte

Monday, November 24, 2008 — WASHINGTON, D.C.:  The presidential tradition of manic pardoning continued today, with soon-to-be former President George W. Bush issuing pardons to 14 chosen convicted and jailed persons around the nation, and commuting the sentences of two others.  Among the names on the list are Paul Julian McCurdy of Sulphur, Okla., sentenced for misapplication of bank funds; Daniel Figh Pue III of Conroe, Texas, convicted of illegal treatment, storage and disposal of a hazardous waste without a permit; Leslie Owen Collier of Charleston, Mo., who pleaded guilty in 1995 to unlawfully killing three bald eagles in southeast Missouri; and rapper John Forte.

Forte was arrested in 1994 after being caught with a suitcase containing 30 pounds of liquid cocaine at a US airport, of all places.  He was sentenced to 14 years in prison, but is now faced with 5 years of probation after Bush’s decision to issue a pardon, a decision that, frankly, caught many people off guard.  We spoke with an insider in the Bush camp to get some background information on just what brought this decision about.

“It’s pretty simple,” said an aid speaking on the condition of anonymity.  “Well, in his mind it’s pretty simple.  He said to us, ‘look–‘” here, he lifted his arms slightly, jutted his head forward, and curled his lips into a smart alec yet completely oblivious and dead beyond the surface sneer, seemingly in impression of President Bush– “‘look, uh, y’know.. uh, the people wanted change and now they got this uh, this.. this color–this brown guy up fixin to be presidunt.  I, yknow, I’m in a heap’a shit, heheheh… we’re on the playground and erv’body wants to be on his team, so yknow what, rather than be on that court with no team, I’m gon’ git right off and be cheerleader instead.  Heheheheheheh.'”  When asked to expound on what the President may have meant, he said plainly, “Black is the new black!  The new president’s black, he’s appointing a lot of black people to White House positions.  Everybody hates the President and he’s trying to fix that.  He’s trying to get in on this new trend.  By pardoning John Forte.  Cause Forte’s a rapper.  And black people like rap.  ‘I’m cool with ’em now, heheheheheh!'”

We then contacted a man who is currently imprisoned and has been fighting for his release, along with some notable names in the entertainment industry, Mumia Abu-Jamal, who was convicted of murdering a police officer and sentenced to life in 1981.  Asked to comment, he said, “Ain’t this about a bitch??!”

The Impoverished Times


petition to let people fight on reality tv shows.

dear reality tv show industry:

what the fuck, man? 

okay, so.  shit happens in life.  people get crushes and fall in love and have babies.  people get crushes and have one night stands and have pregnancy scares.  people fuck.  a lot.  all the time.  people deal with illnesses and and addiction and grief.  people get fat and lose weight and sometimes get fat again.  people go completely, totally, batshit nutjob crazy insane.  people pretend to be attracted to old unattractive semi-washed up hip hop icons to get ahead.  this is life.  this is reality.  and as such, it’s all shit that we see on reality tv everynight, from mtv’s the real world to the biggest loser to celebrity rehab with dr drew (who just may have a little bit of sex appeal to him, but i havent decided yet.  i digress) to age/rock/flavor of love.  this is life, and this is what us voyuers want to see.  we need to believe that it isnt scripted, even when it so plainly is (I’M LOOKING AT YOU, THE HILLS).  we need to believe that no one knows the cameras are there, even during those little interviews where you prompt participants with the necessary questions to make a good show.  we need to feel like we’re perched high up in a tree planted right smake in the middle of the open, unfenced fields of these people’s minds, that we’re flies on their walls, that what we’re seeing on screen would actually happen in real life.  because that’s the point, right?  reality tv.  reality is happy, its sad.  it’s dancing and being danced with.  its singing, its crying, it being disagreed with.  sometimes its being called a “nigger;” sometimes it’s being spat upon.  often following that, it’s having one’s ass beat for spitting upon someone or calling someone a “nigger.”

and that’s where shit becomes COMPLETELY unrealistic.

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john mccain gets rick rolled

and they talk about liberal media bias?  where were the reports on THIS, huh?  i smell a coverup.

bob cesca to joe lieberman: ‘u R teh sux0rs, n00b!’

i love bob cesca.  i thought i had him in my links, but apparently i didnt before today.  bob is an all around awesome writer & thinker and owner of the best blog name EVER.  he’s got a new book out too!  he’s also a contributor to the Huffington Post, where i ran across his open letter to Joe Lieberman today.  its a great read, but a long one, so i’ll only post pieces and portions here.  if you havent been by his blog yet, you should sooooooooo go.  now.  quickly.  RUN!

Dear Senator Lieberman,

Congratulations! You got away with it! So despite having supported and endorsed the Republican candidate for president — and going so far as to question the patriotism of the Democratic nominee — you’ve managed to keep your chairmanship. By rights, you should’ve been summarily ejector-seated from your committees, bonked on the head with your gavels — cartoon-style — and hauled from the Democratic caucus naked and on a rail whilst being pelted with wadded-up copies of your RNC address.

You got away with it, despite those meddling kids, right?

Not so fast.

I submit to you, Senator Lieberman, that you were punished yesterday more than you realize. Stick with me on this. I’ll explain.

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somewhere, the debarge brothers are dancing in the streets.

& im half sure theyre wearing these same outfits.

& im half sure they're wearing these same outfits.

because, ladies and gaydies, at long, long last, light-skinded men are coming back in style.  hooray!

this comes after the delicious, delicious appointment of barack “sexy casserole” obama and more recently, his appointment of caramel cream colored Eric Holder as Attorney General today.

now, granted, he is no where near touching the all-eclipsing sexiness that is barack o-damn-he’s-fine-bama.  but i mean, i dunno.  if he lost the 80s porn star stache and maybe got a tight little fade goin?  maybe?  we could work with him then?  i dunno. its tough when this man is your competition.

at any rate, Holder’s sexiness isn’t the real point, nor is his porn stache (& thank bob for that).  this is a big day for the light skinned penis-having contingent of this great nation!  everybody knows that when wesley snipes stepped on the scene and malik yoba (he used to be fine, yall remember?) & morris chestnut swooped in as reinforcements, light skinned dudes have kinda been on the back burner.  oh and then djimon hounsou came along and that was IT. what actually did it for me, though, was the 4 years i spent in college.  as ive mentioned, i went to pretty much the whitest school ever created, and while there i became absolutely hungry for ANYTHING black.  so when it came to men, it was the blacker the better for me.  i wanted to be able to put my head on his chest and hear fuckin… sahara war drums beatin, nahmsayin?  i wanted to be able to lick this dude and taste the diaspora.  i needed to be able to just.. just damn, hold his hand and feel the souls of a thousand cotton plants livin in them shits, you know??  that’s how *I* crossed over.

but this aint about me.  let i refocus.

light skinnnit dudes, it’s lookin up!  yall crawlin back in the spotlight!  with wesley’s dumb ass goin to jail and denzel’s prose unable to save him,  and with a few more appointments like this, yall might end up on top again!

i wanted to see how light skinnnedned men around the nation felt about this, so i pulled some strings and talked briefly with a few well-known folks in the black community.  in a B.mc.P Exclusive, i will now share those conversations with you.  first up:  Morris Day.

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marjorie nooooooooo

OMG!  THEY LET MY BOO GO!!!!??

laaaawd why yall didnt tell me??!  i havent seen the show in weeks!  i happen to tune in to the last half hour of the finale and this is what im greeted with??!  precious lord, take my hand!!

like, i barely REMEMBER these two broads left.  the runway show?  they were TERRIBLE!  just stompin around up there like a couple of drunk yeti!  and freakin mckey?  i have no idea what her face looks like because i cant get past those parachutes she’s passing off as ears.  ugh.  i am outraged.  OUTRAGED!!!!

so yeah, i didnt see the ep where the was exed, but im readin abt it @ wikipedia and it says she won the challenge that episode.  what the frick?  how you win the challenge but lose at life??!  smh.  i just dont understand it.

its okay tho boo.  you got more talent in your awkward little pinkies than this two chicks have in their entire lives and personalities.  we gon see you again!

oh, btw, the winner this cycle is…

mckey.

what in the damn shitty assed name of blasphemous hellfire is this.

this season BLEW.

this blog sucks.

generally speaking.  in terms of setup and stuff.  my tags and categories are a veritable orgy of confusion, chaos, and riot.  i dont have an ‘about me’ page.  i may as well have no social networking buttons at all.  just a mess!

but the good news is that i finally put off the procrastination til tomorrow and started working on it.  🙂

up at the top, you’ll see two new pages:  holleration in my dancery, known also as the contacts page, and the little makeshift text heart.  housed here are links to good reads, good friends, good sports or any combination of the three.  if i read you or like you or am gratious to you for linking to me, you should find a link to your spot here, eventually if not already.

yall gon hafta help me with that part!  if ive been tellin you for 15 years that ima link to you, or if you’ve linked to me, and you dont see your site there, 1 – cry about it on your own time, b/c omg i am so tired of you people browbeating me!  have you no humility??!  2 – kindly and calmly email me or leave a comment for me & let me know and i’ll fix it, i promise 🙂

still got a lotta work to do, but this is a good start.  yay me!

that’s all!  go click some links!  they’re worth it, i promise!