Monthly Archives: January 2009

look at these fucking ads of the day

click to make em bigger!

artichokes

mouse

avocadopeppers

 

lmao.  i love these damn things.  i found them @ a site/blog called aidsvertising.com but unfortunately it was only in operation for two months.  if you’re reading, aidsvertisers, come back!

american idol, louisville auditions: in defense of mark mudd

of course, i was glue to american idol last night, seeing as how the auditions of the night were held in my grand ol hometown of Louisville, Ky.  don’t get me wrong.  as soon as i was able i ran like hell away from that city in search of more exciting places and things, hence me currently living in Philadelphia.  but make no mistake, i looooooooooves me some Louisville AND some Kentucky and will smack all your mothers in the mouths if you say anything too slick about it.  on my ‘smack ur mama’ list this morning:  simon, paula, new judge girl, and randy.

so this kid auditions right.  actually seemed like a nice guy.  prototypical corn fed good ol boy.  he had a bit of… i dunno, nervousness about him–or maybe i said he had an air about him that could very well make others nervous.  he seemed just a little.. i dont know.  not creepy, but… he said he almost died about 5 times in his life, crashing through stuff and falling off of stuff and whatnot.  i can only assume that there were some head injuries sprinkled around in there, and he seemed to have a bit of a tick or something.  he didn’t stay still very long.  i guess that could be off-putting.

anyway, kid’s name is mark mudd, jr., great-great-some odd grandson of dr. samuel mudd, who patched up the ankle of john wilkes booth after he broke it jumpin off the balcony of ford’s theatre after killing president lincoln.  i thought that was awesome.  only because im a history nerd, though.  **note:  mark mudd and ryan seacrest incorrectly told america that the whole grandfather incident is where we get the expression “my/your name is mud” from.  that’s actually incorrect.  teach the babies right, america.

so anyway, he sings and he sucks.  the judges, per usual, are pretty rude, laughin in his face and all, but he actually takes it pretty well.  good ol southern gentleman for you.  very gracious.  before he leaves, he’s even kind enough to turn to them and say “be careful,” and here is where our bullshittery  begins.

i’m at work right now, so i cant see this link; its supposed to be a link to mudd’s audition.  can someone click it and let me know if it works, please?

if it works:  omg did u see that shit??

if it didnt work, here’s what happened:  so mudd turns to them and says “be markmuddcareful” and the judge motherfuckers start flippin out!!  “be careful?  is that a threat?  be careful of what??  that’s not a normal thing to say to someone!  i’m calling out of work tomorrow!”

what idiots!  what ignorant idiots!  he wasnt threatening them, he was saying “take care.”  it’s quite a normal part of your complete parting words.  “alright then, i’ll talk to you later.  yall be careful, hear?”  just generally.  whatever you finna go, whatever you finna do, be careful & take care of urself.  dumb bitches.

i was also mad at all the rustic, country ass imagery they kept splicing in with shots of the city, effectively making it look like there are horse farms in downtown louisville.  fyi – there are no horse farms in downtown louisville.  there are buildings.  and paved roads.  just like any other city.

overall, this was a pretty cringeworthy visit.  the “talent” was terrible, and its makin us look bad because 75% of them jokers werent even from louisville!

sigh.  maybe next time, ‘Ville.

:/

edit – if that link didnt work, i’m sure this one does.

*pic of louisville via this awesome guy.

the belle of the (inaugural) ball

so i was all set to hop on to wordpress today and type about how stunning michelle looked last night.  because it’s true, she really really did look stunning.  i was very pleased to see that she stayed away from crazy ass betsey johnson’s designs.  she looked phenomenal, as i’m sure you’ve noticed; i thought her first outfit of the day was atually kind of old lady-ish, but apparently i’m the only one who think s so, so it’s prolly just in my head.  she looked gorgeous in her jason wu, too.. so refreshing to see women in the political world NOT cooped up in pantsuits.  let them sexy shoulders breathe girl!

i have to report, though, that someone showed ‘chelle up last night.  oh yes lord–jill biden COMPLETELY stole the show.

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omg.  not enough is being said about this dress.  it is GORGEOUS!  i much prefer this dress to the gown michelle wore (while it was a lovely gown, might i remind you), and i actually would have loved to see michelle in something like this–her skin would carry that color so well.

jill definitely rocked it though.  it was designed by Reem Acra, whom i have never heard of.  i hope her buisness jumps through the roof after this though, cause Reem is apparently doin the damn thing.  it just brightens everything; i never noticed that jill was such a beautiful woman until this gown.  i mean everything was on point, hair, makeup, all that.  kudos!  kudos all around!

the costa rican kamikaze killer exploding bomb hawk.

this, according to this guy, is what took down that plane that crash landed in the hudson yesterday.  this is in response to my question:  wtf kind of bird WAS that??

after seeing these pics of planes damaged after hitting birds @ the huffington post… i kinda think he could be absolutely right.

dude.  is sam the eagle flyin around up there or somethin?? 

for shit’s sake, what is wrong with these birds?  when they’re on the ground, if u run at them, make a loud noise in their general direction, or attempt to call it close while singing a sweet negro spiritual, what does it do?  has a bitchfit & runs the other way.  but apparently when they feathery little asses get up in the air and see a huge, HUGE, loud, grumbling, metal, monstrous looking son of a bitch, they choose to hold off on the escaping, giving those huge vortexes called engines enough time to suck them in to the plane’s path.

i dont feel sorry for you, birds.  not one bit do i feel sorry for you.

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throwback youtube fave: monster in a wheelchair

monster in a wheelchair

monster in a wheelchair

if we run up this hill, i bet we’ll be safe

from the monster in a wheelchair

for some reason this randomly crept into my head.  it’s high on the list for me, right up there with my hands are bananas.  the classics never die!

lol WHAT?!

yeah.  this is another bad girls club entry.

so, i just caught this week’s episode last night.  spoiler:  kayla is gone.  and this, in my opinion, is potentially one of the most shameful exits ive witnessed in reality tv-dom.

at the top of the episode, the girls participate in some challenge where they walk the streets in lingerie and see who can get the shop the most customers or something.  i didnt see all of that part.  i did see that amber m. won, and kayla made this face, signifying that she was upset abt that.  so amber m. gets money, everybody else gets nothing.  whatever tho, it’s seemingly forgotten.

later they take a self-defense class.  they all effectively whoop the holy loving shitfire out of the instructor.  all except for kayla, who seems really timid and insecure and barely even touched the guy.  (take notes, kiddies; there’s a pop quiz later).

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things chaka khan likes: expensive water, tea, candles.

things chaka khan hates:  alcohol, stairs, and alcohol.

i divined this information from this tour rider i found @ listoftheday via the smoking gun.

khan3

i dunno, call me crazy, but i think she should have been more of an asshole about things.  seriously, if im ever important enough to have a list of demands for things that need to be waiting for me wherever i go?  i’m puttin somebody to WORK.  itd look just like this:

Richy von Moneyheimer (formerly Brokey McPoverty) must have the entire second, fifth, and eleventieth floors completely to herself.  each room should contain the following:

One (1) life sized card-board cut outs of Bea Arthur

One (1) life sized, full length poster of soul singer D’Angelo circa 2000 on the ceilings above the beds.  IMPORTANT:  the poster MUST be of D’Angelo circa 2000. Any resemblance of singer D’Angelo to rap star Ol’ Dirty Bastard  is strictly unacceptable.

Three (3) hundred thousand barillion lbs of crab rangoon from the New Number One Panda Dragon Emperor restaurant

All tubs must be filled with the sweet virgin tears of disillusioned orphans, shed upon the realization that Santa Claus doesn’t exist

Four (4) large bowls of red peanut M&Ms

Four (4) large bowls of blue peanut M&Ms

Two (2) midgets dressed in red and blue M&M costumes

Plenty of room for the aforementioned midgets to enact a Bloods & Crips M&M battle upon request

President-Elect Barack Obama in as little clothing as possible

Lots and lots of security to keep his stronger-than-me wife away from my quarters.