things chaka khan likes: expensive water, tea, candles.

things chaka khan hates:  alcohol, stairs, and alcohol.

i divined this information from this tour rider i found @ listoftheday via the smoking gun.

khan3

i dunno, call me crazy, but i think she should have been more of an asshole about things.  seriously, if im ever important enough to have a list of demands for things that need to be waiting for me wherever i go?  i’m puttin somebody to WORK.  itd look just like this:

Richy von Moneyheimer (formerly Brokey McPoverty) must have the entire second, fifth, and eleventieth floors completely to herself.  each room should contain the following:

One (1) life sized card-board cut outs of Bea Arthur

One (1) life sized, full length poster of soul singer D’Angelo circa 2000 on the ceilings above the beds.  IMPORTANT:  the poster MUST be of D’Angelo circa 2000. Any resemblance of singer D’Angelo to rap star Ol’ Dirty Bastard  is strictly unacceptable.

Three (3) hundred thousand barillion lbs of crab rangoon from the New Number One Panda Dragon Emperor restaurant

All tubs must be filled with the sweet virgin tears of disillusioned orphans, shed upon the realization that Santa Claus doesn’t exist

Four (4) large bowls of red peanut M&Ms

Four (4) large bowls of blue peanut M&Ms

Two (2) midgets dressed in red and blue M&M costumes

Plenty of room for the aforementioned midgets to enact a Bloods & Crips M&M battle upon request

President-Elect Barack Obama in as little clothing as possible

Lots and lots of security to keep his stronger-than-me wife away from my quarters.

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5 responses to “things chaka khan likes: expensive water, tea, candles.

  1. lmao @

    President-Elect Barack Obama in as little clothing as possible

    Lots and lots of security to keep his stronger-than-me wife away from my quarters.

    — you forgot to add me you heffa!
    security from me because if i ever see you so much as winking at BHO, we fighting!

    (ok not really, i’d share only cuz its you but i wont LOVE IT)

  2. you forgot the videographer to capture the midget blood-crip m&m fight, plus the interwebs to do a live feed.

  3. I suspect Chaka brings her own alcoholic beverages…she ain’t fooling me
    Me? I’d ask for Chik-fil-A, a live appearance of Rakim rapping and two strippers renacting Tip Drill to the sweet sounds of “My Melody”

  4. Hilarious. I agree that if you’re going to have a list of demands, you may as well go whole-hog and ask for all kinds of outlandish stuff!

    Treat it like a hostage situation or something, and be like “You couldn’t find a midget riding a unicorn?! How do you expect me to sing without my lucky unicorn midget?! GET OUT, AND DON’T COME BACK ‘TILL YOU FIND MY DAMNED UNIMIDGET!!!”

  5. lmao Girl you are crazy but I feel you though especially the 44th President with as little clothing as possible but you forgot the part about Michelle Obama being very far far away or else, you may be catching a case. Michelle look like she don’t play.

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