Monthly Archives: May 2009

fun with google image search!

so sometimes when im at my computer and extra bored, i’ll think of a random word and do a google image search on it and laugh at the random pictures i get.  today’s word:  racist.  fun times ahead!

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deadliest warrior shaolin monk vs maori recap

monkmaori

this blog isnt about me, but id like to tell you a little bit about myself.

i was born and raised in louisville, ky and raised by a single mother.  she and i look a lot alike, and as i grew older i discovered we have a lot of the same talents.  i started writing poetry when i was 8 years old up until i was about 18.  somewhere in between then, i found a book that my mother used to keep as a young woman.  on the pages were poems she had written by hand for years.  writing is pretty much the only thing id really shown a passion for as i went through school, and by the time i hit high school, it was pretty much assumed that whatever i would end up doing in life would involve writing.  first i wanted to be a published and famous poet.  then a playwright, and now.. novelist?  screenwriter?  i dont know yet. that’s why i started this blog, to keep me writing something, anything, until i figure it out.

but to hell with all that shit now yo.  i want to be a fuckin SHAOLIN MONK!!!!

i totally fell in love with them last night.  i mean i already knew they were awesome, but i think in my head they were just like these little cute guys who knew some form of martial arts but used them more so for like, street performances and such.  their moves always looked pretty as opposed to instilling fear in me.  no, these dudes will kill the life out of you.  or at least they can.  they prefer not to, but holy son of a bitch, they will.

going into this matchup i knew little abt both groups, but i knew that the maori were brutal.  and i mean we saw one bite the throat out of an opponent in the re-enactments.  they also liked to scare the shit out of u, too, hence the tattooed faces and the yellin and the screamin and whatnot.  oh, they were cannibals too.  see this face?

hi!  these are my tonsils.  AND YOUR GRAVE!!

hi! these are my tonsils. AND YOUR GRAVE!!

they opened their mouths and stuck out their tongues to say ‘after i kill u, im going to eat you, and u will be able to do nothing about it seeing as how you’ll be dead.  nyah nyah!”  ..yeah. all that coolness considered, i still wanted the monks to win.  just cause they’re so freakin cute!!  all the jumpin and the ‘hi-yaaah!’in and the splits in the middle of a move for seemingly no reason.  precious!

spoilers (eventually) after the jump!

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worst boob job ever in the history of life of the day

son of a bitch, man.

this is one of those broads from the real housewives of some place or other.

…son.  like, how u gon put some boobs in a place that boobs dont even grow and expect it to look realistic?  he put them shits in her armpits.  aaabnormal.

and this is one of those times where im torn between being happy that she’s confident enough to put her praying mantis eyed-boobs on display for everyone to see and being sad that she apparently doesnt know they look like a pair of klackers on the upswing.

sad times foreveryone.

(pics via the huffington post)

behind the scenes @ deadliest warrior

hi all!

i know, i know.  this place is becoming deadliest warrior central.  deal with it!

i meant to do this like, way long ago but havent had a chance to.  so remember the yakuza vs mafia episode of ‘deadliest warrior?  remember the tasty angry asian guy demonstrating the yakuza’s weapons and tactics?  his name is zero kazama, and he’s totally in love with me.  i know this because he came by and checked out my review of the episode and thankfully left a comment, which made stalking him waaaay easier.  i ended up @ his blog and found that he had a LOT to say about the outcome of that episode.  he brought up some great points that id never really considered, some of which i will share with u.

he als has some great stills of the assaults that poor Joe Torso must deal with on a weekly basis.  im gonna throw one in here just because.

-first good point:  have u ever actually looked at the numbers they put up after having declared a winner of each battle?  yeah, me neither.  two things ppl are quick to trust in this world without question:  doctors and computers.  i always assumed that the numbers wld make sense but, at least in this episode, they dont.  example:  they have the bat killing MORE people than the yakuza’s pistol (wtf?) and only two less than the grenade (??!).  yeah.  unlikely.

-second good point:  for some reason they dont use the same test settings for each comparable instrument.  why not?  wldnt u get more accurate results that way?

-third good point:  they never account for defensive moves or counter attacks.  like sure, an ice pick can kill u if u sit still and wait for it to be slid into ur spine, but what if u move out of the way?  tiny bit more difficult.

and so on and so forth.  zero REALLY picks apart like, every aspect of the show; its a very interesting read.  if u like the show and are interested in this nerd shit, go check it out!!

also, a fun fact!  the shaolin monk that will be plucking the freakin eyeballs out of his enemy in tonight’s episode (shaolin monk vs maori, tonite at 10 on spike tv!!)?  that’s zero’s roommate.

if ever there was a house that you SHOULD NOT ATTEMPT TO ROB under any circumstances, theirs is it.

WTF PHILADELPHIA: a followup

so i dont know how many of u cared about my rant abt philly’s 46th street train station.  the philly weekly sort of cared, tho, and they put it up @ their website.

the entry went up here on tuesday.  the next day, it went up @ the philly weekly.  this mornin?  there were ppl in the office workin.  construction.  on somethin.

now this is likely purely coincidental.  but as i am wont to take credit for everything all the time in my daily life, i will instead say, YOU’RE WELCOME, PHILADELPHIA.  please send all letters of praise and admiration to:  brokeymcpoverty@gmail.com.

White Dude Sues to be African-American, Blacks Everywhere are Like ‘wtf?’

May 13, 2009 — NEWARK, N.J.:  African-born Paulo Serodio is suing the University of Medicine and Dentistry in Newark after what he calls a snowball of traumatic events that began in 2006, when he identified himself as a “white African-American” during an exercise in a clinical skills course taught by Dr. Kathy Ann Duncan. This drew several complaints from the black students in the classroom who found Serodio’s claim of being African-American to be offensive.

Serodio, who is Portuguese, was born in Mozambique, located in southeastern Africa; his great-grandfather emigrated to the region years before, and Serodio moved to the United States in 1984 to study to become a doctor.

In the months following the exercise in Dr. Duncan’s class, Serodio was the subject of many complaints from black students on campu, due largely to articles and online postings written by Serodio defending his right to call himself a white African-American.  All the run-ins eventually culminated in his suspension from the school, and Serodio is now suing the institution.

When the story broke, we contacted Byron ‘Man-Man’ Jones, an inmate currently serving 5-10 years at Rikers after being convicted of first degree robbery.

“Naw, man, that [expletive] is crazy,” he said;  “African-American is what got my black ass in here in the first place!  For some [expletive] I ain’t(sic) even do!”  Asked to elaborate, we learned that Byron believes that he was wrongfully convicted of the crime in question.

“Man, listen.  I’m walkin’ down the street after leavin’ my job and the cops just come up and bust me in my head, talkin’ bout I fit the description.  I said yo, man!  What description!  And you know what they said?  ‘African-American.’  And that’s it!'”

Another Jersey resident weighed in on the matter.  “Well, on the one hand, I can see where he’s coming from, but honestly, when I sit back and think about it…there may be advantages to people not knowing that you’re African-American.”  She paused to take a phone call before she resumed speaking.  “I’m sorry,” she said, “another ‘thanks, but no thanks.  I’ve been job searching for months.  You’d think that someone with a master’s in urban planning from Rutgers would have little problem finding a job, but it’s been a struggle.”

Asked what she thought the problem was, she said:  “My name is La’Quintranequetta Lovettanay Jenkins.  See why sometimes it’s better that folks don’t know??  I can’t BUY a freakin’ interview!!”

(c) The Impoverished Times

win tickets to Brooklynati!

that’s right ladies and germs!

to celebrate the release of rap group Tanya Morgan‘s second album Brooklynati, i’m givin away two one-way tickets to Brooklynati for free!  that’s right!  for FREE!  you and a guest will travel via grayhound to the beautiful hills and valleys and shit of Brooklynati, located at the intersection of Brooklyn and Cincinati.  if you’ve never heard of the place, omg.  it’s a tourists dream!  it’s got blue skies, green grass, 24 hour drug stores, polite panhandlers,and indigenous nudity!

all u gotta do is check out the album, come back here and tell me how u like it. its the featured album on itunes in the new and noteworthy hip hop section; skate over, give it a listen, fall in love with it, buy it, etc etc.

go get the album!  DONT DISAPPOINT DRED SCOTT!

dred