deadliest warrior yakuza vs mafia recap/review

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sooooooo. this week’s deadliest warrior.  yakuza vs the mafia.  i dont really know what i was expecting given what i know about the two groups, and here’s what i know about them:  they use guns.  lots and lots of guns.  i felt like there was a good possibility that this episode wldn’t be quite as cool as the others because i mean, i know what guns do.  they shoot into motherfuckers.  where is the coolness for me to learn?

my initial prediction had the yakuza winning because let’s face it.  them cats know martial arts and shit, meaning that they can likely kick your ass with or without weapons.  definitely without.  plus the mafia was really brazen with their attacks and didnt really give a shit about wettin up a party in broad daylight across the street from a police statement, which could suggest a bit of a tactile deficiency.  plus stereotypically speaking, when i think of japanese fighters, i think ninja-like stealth and samurai-like logistics.  brains + guns + martial arts + ninjasamurai brains = yakuza wins!

i changed my mind more than twice as the episode wore on tho, and in the end,  i felt satisfied with the winner.

plus, we reached a milestone last night!  for the first time in Deadliest Warrior history, one of the demonstrations guys had to be held back to keep from kickin the other one’s ass!  YES!!

warning! spoilers after the jump!

let me also say that last night they did me a favor and employed some fairly tasty lookin dudes to show how they’d kill the shit out of me if they ever needed to.  i mean im not sayin id buy them a fish sammich if i saw em on the street or anything, but i must admit, the killiness quotient definitely ensures that id attempt a booty grab at the very least.  they’re up at the top of this entry; guy on the left is the mafia guy, guy on the right is the yakuza guy.

so in the middle of the show, seemingly unprovoked, yakuza guy like, picks up his nunchauks and starts to head towards the mafia dude.  like out of nowhere.  lol his friend had to grab his arm and pull him back, and if ive ever wished i had tivo before, that was it.  no idea what set him off.  im predicting that by the end of this season, there will be at least one maury-style skirmish where production will have to come out and pull a cat o’ nine tails out of somebody’s hands.  and MAN am i looking forward to that day!

anyway.  the discussion began with brief histories of the groups.  the mafia was mad up of immigrants who had to band together to grow and stay strong.  the yakuza was fighting for… control of public records?  wtf?  im pretty sure that’s what they said.  i dont get it.  must be some pretty important records if u need to run around shootin bitches over em for years upon end.

i learned that the mafia’s guns were WAY more badass.  the yakuza used a

OH YEAAH!  OOOOHHH YEEAAAAHH!!! (c) tommy gun

OH YEAAH! OOOOHHH YEEAAAAHH!!! (c) tommy gun

pretty neat lookin automatic machine gun that did as much damage as the mafioso’s tommy gun, but omg.  the tommy gun is far more dramatic.  like, if the yakuza’s gun was an actual person, it wld be a ninja.  the wounds it leaves are small and relatively bloodless, but definitely deadly.  it wld creep into your home, serve you some poisoned pufferfish or somethin, then creep out of the room and boom.  you dead in a few seconds.  the tommy gun tho?  if the tommy gun was an actual person, it would first walk into your living room and set up a small makeshift stage.  it would then gather your family around the stage and sing a delightful song about how he’s about to kill the shit out of you and everything you love.  then, he’d walk around to each individual, tell them they look fat in their jeans, stuff a grenade in their mouths, and bogle on the front lawn screaming ‘OH YEAH!  OOOOHHH YEAAAAAHHH!!!’ as they all go off.  the difference was ASTOUNDING.  the tommy gun left blood everywhere.  everywhere.  when you walk in and find a bunch of ppl slumped over and little tears in their clothes, you may leave with the impression that if they had just moved to the left or to the right, they cld have survived the wounds because come on, they’re not that bad.  tommy gun?  turns the whole floor red and says plainly:  you are going to die so hard that even your ghost is gonna die with you. no contest.  tommy gun all the way.

in addition to being an awesome gun show, we are also shown how the mafia took everyday weapons and turned them into deathstruments, like the ice pick and baseball bat.  baseball bat makes plain sense but omg.  ive decided that i need an icepick now.  id be fucking invincible if i had an icepick.  i think its the smooth way they used it in the show, just walked up to somebody, put an arm around them, smiled, and slid that bitch smooth & clean into the nape of their neck.  WHAT!? instant, gangster ass death.  the yakuza had a buncha marital arts stuff that i personally found scary, like nunchauks and those little pitchfork lookin things.

but somehow someway, all that just wasnt as cool as the simple methods and instruments of the mafia.  yakuza is far flashier and wld make for an awesome movie.  the mafia just wants u dead.  baseball bat to the head.  icepick to any of your important vital organs.  tommy gun to your everything.  story’s over.  mafia wins!

overall i dug this episode.  i’ll dig any and every episode they have, im sure, but if i had to choose between the modernity of this particular matchup and battles between ancient warriors, i think the ancient warrior battles are more interesting.  speaking in terms of like, even tactical matchups, mafia vs yakuza makes more sense, as the fighting cultures arent all that different and the era is the same, but there’s just somethin mystical a bout seein an apache warrior plant an arrow in a gladiator’s throat.  the lack of logic between such a matchup makes seeing it on the screen feel like a dream come true to a little nerdgirl like me.

that being said, green berets vs spetsnaz next week!  10 pm!  i dont know enough about the spetsnaz just yet to place my bet, or the green berets either for that matter, but im thinking this matchup will be awesomer than the mafia/yakuza.  we’re talkin military tactics now, and we all know that all batshit craziness is fair in love & war, right?  PARTY TIME EXCELLENT!!

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9 responses to “deadliest warrior yakuza vs mafia recap/review

  1. I think it’s comical how it’s (from a quick and probably inaccurate memory flash) always the X people against the white/Europeans. Maybe it’s just me. Based on that analysis, the white boys have won the last two. So, we’ll see how this is gonna work out.

  2. yo this is a very good observation. itll be interesting to see how this plays out in the next episode, if the good ol american boys beat those foreign commie weird-food eating bastards or not. and how it plays out in the rest of the season. we might have found ourselves a c-o-n-spiracy!!

  3. I’m sure the show has to take in consideration the viewers they have to please. This is an American show, and it would be wisest for them to favor the “American” side of the show for the purpose of pleasing the majority of the audience and getting returning viewers. Lets face it, Americans don’t want to see their precious mafia losing to a bunch of “Japs” (no offense intended, just emphasizing my point). I’m not saying that the show is COMPLETELY stacking one side, but it seems there is some foul play when it comes to crunching the numbers. I’m sure next week when the American Green Beret and the Russian Spetsnas face off, there will be patriotic pride favoring the Green Berets.

  4. You NEED to see this weeks episode.

  5. Thanks for the compliments. You’d be amazed at all the mistakes they made – check my blog out. Hope you’re rich soon.

  6. How have I never seen this show?!
    Fighting + learning stuff = VERY HAPPY ME
    You review has me giggling way too much at work. Also, this Mr. Kazama… definite booty grab.

  7. Pingback: behind the scenes @ deadliest warrior «

  8. I have seen many episodes and found that the main concept is flawed.They do not take into consideration the skill and the style.
    Moreover they make biased weapon selection. Yakuza had katana, but was that used as an opponent to baseball bat? NO!Furthermore, they do not take into considertion the skills and training of the individuals. Sure,both can shoot, but years of training and use of a weapon surely helps.Mafia used to poke ice pick from behind,and beat someone with bat who is rather defenceless.
    Moreover have you noticed that the shotgun used for target practice was NOT sawed off? It makes a great differnce,accuracy and long distance damage is sacrificed for easy kill at close range in sawed off shotguns.Just imagine a stilletoo or ice pick vs katana?
    I am sure that they do not put skills into calculation.
    First is that, then in ninja vs spartan, how did they entered the fact that the ninja uses stealth most of the time?A ninja would either choice other weapons like bow and arrow for spartan,or run away when noticed. The ninja on show even yelled when charging at Spartan from behind.
    Ninja Combat Do Not Work Face To Face. If Opponent Saw You, Its Your Defeat.Very usual, since facing someone is a noisy business and sure to alarm others.
    The very basic of Ninja way,the choice of time , place and weapon is wrong here.If it was me as Ninja, I wont have choiced to kill someone who is fully alert and on guard.I wont face him.And, I would use the best weapon for the weakest defence in the opponent.
    For example,I would choice bow and arrow , sneak behind him and shoot it.If it failed, I would run away and keep on repeating it.If it fails , the I would resort to Sword but try sneak attacks.
    The show is a bit biased in my opinion.
    Other than that, the side with more firepower/ better ranged weapon/armour wins always in that show.However, the most Important critaria is “More american, winner in the show”
    Mafia vs Yakuza: Mafia
    Mafia vs Cowboy: Cowboy
    Spartan vs Ninja :Spartan
    Spartan vs Samurai:Spartan
    William Wallace vs Shaka zulu : William Wallace
    Gladiator vs Apache :Apache

    I dont say that they can not win at all, but it surely seems so.
    Personal opinion :Biased Show.

  9. Chocklate Sunshine

    Interesting though I would like to point out that while technically the Apache is more American as far as this land is concerned, the gladiator is much closer to what Americans identify with. Anglo all american pie descendents of gladiator looking folks. Made me more interested in the show because the Apache won but then looking at the Yakuza and Ninja episodes showed that there is a lacking if skill in hand to hand combat lacking in computer skills. While there is a lot to be said for brut force or armor I didn’t see skill represented.
    Le Sigh.
    Do I even want to watch the Chaka Zulu?
    I don’t know why they are matching different technological periods when fire power is in one and not the other…

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