deadliest warrior green beret vs spetsnaz recap/review

spetsberetsooo!

another tuesday, another night filled to the hilt with blood, guts, and killin shit.  who could ask for anything more?!

last night we saw the green berets of the good ol US of A battle it out with the russian spetsnaz.  two sercret police forces that go thru rigorous training and no doubt require a certain degree of mental insanity if one is to become a success.  and by ‘become a success’ i mean kill lots of motherfuckers before you yourself get a grenade shoved into one of your orifices. or retire.  whichever comes first.

now i personally find the matchups featuring hand-to-hand combat to be the best shows.  cause i mean, i dunno.  if u put a gun in my hand, i’ll be pretty deadly.  but put me in a ring with an apache?  it’ll be a MIRACLE if i get out of there with my life AND my scalp.  you know what i mean?  i hear a lot of people say that this episode and the yakuza vs mafia episode weren’t all that great.  i can see that reasoning.  that being said, i found last night’s ep to be pretty freakin awesome.

i was very interested in who would win this episode; there’d been some buzz and speculation abt a western/american/generally white bias when it comes to DW winners.  ironically, at the beginning of this episode, the dr is asked who he’s putting his money on, and he blatantly says ‘im goin with the americans, because that’s my hometown.’  first thing i thought was ‘how is all of america your hometown?  u caint be from EVERY state, dummy!’  and the second thing i thought was ‘wow, they aint even tryin to hide it!’

so i figured id keep my eye out during the show, and ultimately decided that american hometown allegiance didnt interfere with fair judging and analysis.

spoilers ahead!  dont say i didnt warn u!

last night, we saw real spetznas & green beret instruments of death wielded by real spetsnazes and green beretses.  i was instantly terrified of the russians.  sometimes the only thing scarier than someone who is completely off-the-rocker crazy is someone who has no emotion at all.  these guys were cold as ice & left a greater chill.  im talkin bout, i dont even think they had tear ducts.  if u put a gun to their heads and said ‘cry right now or i’ll shoot you!’ they’d prolly take the gun from u and do it themselves since u’d prolly fuck up and not do it right anyawy.  im tellin u, them cats was hard.  im talkin bout.. one of the dudes had the big buff host, i cant think of his name, but the one who’s always in those little ass muscle shirts… he had him punch him hard in the stomach.  repeatedly.  repeatedly means over and over and over again.  this russian nutjob never so much as flinched.  that’s when i knew the green berets had better be just as batshit as them, otherwise the outlook aint so good.

here’s your spoiler:  the spetsnaz wins.  and the reason they won?  really awesome gadgetry, a lack of human emotion, and the most insane combat training ive seen in awhile.

like, yo.

these dudes beat the shit out of each other before they hit the battlefield and begin to kill the shit out of the rest of the world.  they said that it’s not rare at all for soldiers to die in training.  omg.  and get this!  those cats train in pools of human blood, to get them ready for and desensitize them to the actual horrors of wars.  if that aint some movie shit, i dont know what is.

what i really dug about the spetsnaz is that in the middle of killing you, they’ll stop and bust out some ballerina moves.  dead ass serious.  like dude was runnin around shootin up targets and in the middle he does like a tuck & roll and does a backflip and never even stops shooting!  it was amazing, and potentially unneccessary!  the americans were baffled.  they were all, ‘well, it looks sexy, but wtf?’

as far as weapons goes, they were pretty much even in type.  rifles.  machine guns.  pistols.  grenades.  generally the spetsnaz had better guns, including a semi-automatic that literally blew the entire chest out of one of the dummies.  but the REAL gems came during the special weapons category:  the russians had the ballistics knife, and the americans had what is essentially a mutant shovel of death, known also as an e-tool.

first, im gonna dig a hole for these tulip bulbs. then im gonna kill your life in the face.

e-tools are basically little shovels used to dig holes in shit.  they have conveniently been modified to split a person’s skull and disembowel a person’s bowels.  omg, what this thing did to poor Joe Torso was NASTY.  one swipe and his skull was split completely open.  i REALLY wish i cld put up some pictures right now.  soon, hopefully.  interesting fact + foreshadowing:  after the russians saw what the e-tool did to the dummy, one said:  ‘is nothing.  wound like that, we can still run a mile, maybe two.’

….yeah.  scary as shit.

the ballistic knife is basically a dagger-like knife that the russians can use to kill u in close hand to hand combat, until u manage to break free of their deathly grasps.  it is then used to shoot the gotdamned blade at u as u run away, thereby ending the silly thought that u can outlive a spetsnaz attack.

im tellin u man.  if theyda given it to the green berets, there would have been JUST cause to call all kinds of american bias, cause they didnt stand a chance.

for good measure, here’s another shot of that backflipping spetsnaz hatchet attack.

next week brings us back to good ol hand to hand combat.  im SO EXCITED!!  shaolin monks vs. the maori.  thanks to my nerd studies, i already knew that the maori were flippin insane, but apparently shaolin monks will pluck your eyeballs out of your face with fucking toothpicks, which i did NOT know.  cant wait!!!

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19 responses to “deadliest warrior green beret vs spetsnaz recap/review

  1. hey, i just watched that deadliest warrior show and didn’t see that backflip hatchet attack. i was skipping commercials on my tivo and might have missed it. was that on this show? which part was it?

  2. Lmaoo

    what a great summery Dead ass funny too

  3. yep, the Spetznas were the shit. That knife and that Shotgun were ill as hell. Next week, I may get some Red Stripe and turn on the surround sound. That shit is illtastic.

  4. collin – those pics arent from the show; they’re from actual spetsnaz training sessions (im assuming)

  5. i don’t know if they were totally correct in their assessment, they didn’t take into account the “red dawn” factor, which proves that even russia’s top country takeoverers will be defeated by our spirited high school students. that’s just logic.

    WOLVERIIIIIIIINES!!

  6. @brokey: so the part of your blog: “what i really dug about the spetsnaz is that in the middle of killing you, they’ll stop and bust out some ballerina moves. dead ass serious. like dude was runnin around shootin up targets and in the middle he does like a tuck & roll and does a backflip and never even stops shooting! it was amazing, and potentially unneccessary! the americans were baffled. they were all, ‘well, it looks sexy, but wtf?’” This was not actually in this show right? You were talking about some other spetnaz story from somewhere else?

    • i remember a couple of parts in the episode where one of the spetsnaz guys was shooting and did a little tuck and roll type thing and then resumed shooting. i was exaggerating a bit in the entry but its in there!

  7. I agree, Spetznas( however You spell it) are tough as hell, and trained well. But in reality, It should have been DELTA force VS them. OR, MARINE FORCE RECON( If DELTA Exists?lol) Green Berets wouldn’t need to go squad on squad. thats not the mission. They’d train, covertly, the angry sibierian mountain people in Gorilla warfare and leave. Thats what Green Berets do. Green Berets speak many languages. Learn every weapons system. Train other to fight. Not that they can’t handle themselves. But the are dropped into a hot zone and train the locals to fight. Very VERY Smart guys. Best of the Best.

    That “balistic knife”? Fricken JOKE. Anyone in MA Knows you NEVER Throw Your Knife away. Those guys are covered with armor. I’d rather have a short Kali stick then that crap knife. then Imagine that shovel? It has the reach and power to kill with one shot. Dumb ass comparison. Why didn’t the GBs Use the Luagana American Tomahawk they have been using since Nam? Oh, Its Not “PC” lol, They had to use the Etool. Still better the a spring knife. And The Dumb ass messed up His shooting? Probably nerves. But the B92 in good hands is 100x better weapon. They need to stick to Hand to hand combat.

    BTW, GBs Carry all kinds of knives as well.

    Also, Pump SGs don’t jam. Saigas do. And they are really ammo sensitive. I had One. Now I have the Mossy 590A1. Bad show.

    Same as Spartan vs Ninja. Ninja Would kill Spartan in his sleep. Thats the way of it.

  8. You're an idiot

    Since when are special forces operators (they are called operators, not operatives like in the fucking movies) “secret police”? It’s dumb asses like you that believe that stupid fucking idiotic mindless over simplified bullshit like that dumb fucking show. The same kind of ass holes who get on youtube videos that I post for the education of people and then get berated by 14 year old video game commandos because because this punk bitch with one of those emo faggot mop hair-dos is more educated on guns that I am – even though he has never held one. Dumb ass.

    – Former 82nd AB Infantry, Ranger qualified

  9. im 100% american and i think the russian spetsnaz can kick our asses its true and if you gott a problem with me or with my opinion go call 1-800-upyours cause its my opinion

  10. ErikSemperFiForI

    Hell of a lot of good the super soldiers did for the Soviet Union. Why is America such a great country? Our military can obliterate your military.

  11. All this dumb US patriotic rhetoric aside, the fact is Spetsnaz are better trained. Some of the most brutal, some would say inhuman, training ever. It’s no surprise they owned.

  12. Alright, this is the main difference between the U.S. and Russian Federation militarily: the U.S. relies on quality of equipment and technology, the Russians rely on manpower. That said, of course the SpetsNaz are more brutally trained: they have to be. You also have to look at the differences between what their weapons are meant for. For instance, they rated the M24 as being superior to the SVD Dragunov, but they are intended for different kinds of sniping. Also, the SpetsNaz would have been more likely to use the shovel than the Green Berets. In the end, the show is for entertainment purposes, make your own decisions based on what you saw. And also, don’t be lame and call a serviceman a dipshit, it just shows that you’re a self loathing, smug little “progressive”. And yes, I used “you’re” correctly.

  13. yourawesome sew

    I did take a spetznaz training course and the shit i saw was really f****d up.

  14. OK Spetsnaz versus Delta:

    1) take away all their kit – are you more scared of an idividual Spetsnaz operative (ha ha) or the Delta force dude.

    2) Who’s shitlist would you least like to be on? Delta might render your ass, Spetsnaz will inject you with polonium and leave you to die a slow
    painful death just to make an example of you.

    Alleged Ranger dude – you really recon that the FSB never use Spetsnaz for ‘secret police’ duties? Yeah right… Ever heard of a place called ‘Grozny’? Dagestan? Ossetia?

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