White Dude Sues to be African-American, Blacks Everywhere are Like ‘wtf?’

May 13, 2009 — NEWARK, N.J.:  African-born Paulo Serodio is suing the University of Medicine and Dentistry in Newark after what he calls a snowball of traumatic events that began in 2006, when he identified himself as a “white African-American” during an exercise in a clinical skills course taught by Dr. Kathy Ann Duncan. This drew several complaints from the black students in the classroom who found Serodio’s claim of being African-American to be offensive.

Serodio, who is Portuguese, was born in Mozambique, located in southeastern Africa; his great-grandfather emigrated to the region years before, and Serodio moved to the United States in 1984 to study to become a doctor.

In the months following the exercise in Dr. Duncan’s class, Serodio was the subject of many complaints from black students on campu, due largely to articles and online postings written by Serodio defending his right to call himself a white African-American.  All the run-ins eventually culminated in his suspension from the school, and Serodio is now suing the institution.

When the story broke, we contacted Byron ‘Man-Man’ Jones, an inmate currently serving 5-10 years at Rikers after being convicted of first degree robbery.

“Naw, man, that [expletive] is crazy,” he said;  “African-American is what got my black ass in here in the first place!  For some [expletive] I ain’t(sic) even do!”  Asked to elaborate, we learned that Byron believes that he was wrongfully convicted of the crime in question.

“Man, listen.  I’m walkin’ down the street after leavin’ my job and the cops just come up and bust me in my head, talkin’ bout I fit the description.  I said yo, man!  What description!  And you know what they said?  ‘African-American.’  And that’s it!'”

Another Jersey resident weighed in on the matter.  “Well, on the one hand, I can see where he’s coming from, but honestly, when I sit back and think about it…there may be advantages to people not knowing that you’re African-American.”  She paused to take a phone call before she resumed speaking.  “I’m sorry,” she said, “another ‘thanks, but no thanks.  I’ve been job searching for months.  You’d think that someone with a master’s in urban planning from Rutgers would have little problem finding a job, but it’s been a struggle.”

Asked what she thought the problem was, she said:  “My name is La’Quintranequetta Lovettanay Jenkins.  See why sometimes it’s better that folks don’t know??  I can’t BUY a freakin’ interview!!”

(c) The Impoverished Times

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2 responses to “White Dude Sues to be African-American, Blacks Everywhere are Like ‘wtf?’

  1. yo i wrote an onion-style piece too around last September with Kim Jong was sick (why did I also use the last name Jenkins lol)

    Washington — North Korea dictator Kim Jong II has been reported ill
    according statements released Monday from top North Korean officials.
    The news of Kim Jong-Il’s illness has caused a nervous stir in the Hip
    Hop community. With Jong-il’s meteoric rise to illness, MCs across the
    globe have banded together in loose solidarity to combat the
    dictator’s new found ferocious rhyme schemes. The 66-year old rap
    hobbyist has been hard at work on his craft for the last 15 years, but
    with varying results at every turn. In a May 2008 interview with the
    Washington Post, the still struggling Jong-Il, also lovingly known as
    “The Dear Leader” and “Ill-Jong”, likened his ascension to Hip Hop
    heights as a literal struggle.

    “I mean I know I’m nice on the mic already but it’s like flowers and
    shit, son. They gotta grow, son.”, said Jong-il through an
    interpreter. “But I mean I need to people to see how incredibly ill I
    am, B. I got bars, family. I bet you around August I’m a see cats on
    the mic for real, yo. Word.” When further pressed for follow up
    comments, North Korean officials would only offer scant details via a
    written statement. “Kim Jong-Il, ill as he is, has to maintain the
    image of illness for not only himself, but for the people who know and
    love him in our country. Until Jong-Il is really ready to set it on
    n*ggas — we mean that in the kindest sense — he will not be
    available for comment.” said the statement.

    American and Korean MCs see this as a time to form an unlikely
    alliance against this new MC superpower. Rap legend Grandmaster Caz,
    acting in an ambassador’s capacity on America’s behalf, recently
    traveled to North Korea to not only quell the fears amongst the global
    Hip Hop community, but to band with North Korean rappers who have
    decided to challenge the ill Jong-il and offer resistance. “I’ve a
    good history with Jong-il and we shouldn’t view his sudden illness as
    a threat to the good name of Hip Hop”, Caz said. “This is just the
    next step in Hip Hop evolution and no different from Big Bank Hank
    taking my rhyme book and making history.”, said the Grandmaster. Caz
    went on to urge the threatened MCs around to world to accept Jong-il
    as one of their own and to “get your paper up and collab with that
    n*gga”.

    Kim Jong-il is reported to be in talks with top American producers
    such as Timbaland, Flying Lotus, Pharrell Williams and a possible and
    long-rumored collaboration with the RZA of Wu-Tang Clan fame. Stay
    tuned for details

    — Biff Jenkins, Mumbo Sauce Press

  2. dag. what do you think john howard griffin would say about this? i think he would ask paulo to take a seat. this just encouraged me to google “black caucasians”.

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