okay so yall remember when shakira could dance?
turns out that was all just lies and propaganda. or maybe we just assumed that all the hip rolling and shaking stuff she did meant that if she ever had to do any other dancing, she’d be good at it.
well. i just watch what i think is her latest video, ‘she wolf,’ and…
before i continue with my hate, let me point out the great things about this video. she looks GREAT. and the stuff in the cage (for the most part)? very sexy. okay, that’s all the good there is.
she looks INSANE!! lol! did someone choreograph this?? like take time to actually map out and time these moves? i think maybe she just had everybody so fooled by the hip action that they were like ‘okay so for this video, we’re gonna have shakira dancing. that’s pretty much it, she’s just gonna dance. maybe we should get a choreographer? nah, she’s shakira! she can dance! we’ll just let her wing it!’ and this is what they got. now ive taken the liberty to point out some of her best moves.
at around the 0:35 mark, we get a good 5 seconds of the Vagina Slice
at 0:55 we get some kind of bizarro crazy modified version of crumping
we get a little more at 1:12
2:48 gives us some kind of weird arm action that i cant even think of an inventive name for
and as a big finale we’re treated to some batshit interpretive dance of some sort.
…if i ever walk in a club and catch one of yall dancin like this, ima whoop your ENTIRE ass. promise.
oh and also the song is ass. what’s with the tired little ‘awoooooooo’ wolf noise? lol. shakira, i hereby sentence you to a nap in hopes that you’ll wake up with some good sense.