Monthly Archives: November 2009

happy thanksgiving!

in honor of the holiday, please enjoy this dramatic re-enactment of the first thanksgiving!

enjoy your genocide-laced turkey dinners, heathens!

in defense of Adam Lambert

okay.  Adam Lambert’s American Music Awards performance was totally gay.  literally.  he ground his peen in one dude’s face and ground his tongue in another man’s mouth.  pretty gay.  that’s fine with me, but i recognize that there’s a big potential for backlash here, as there are a lot of people in this country who are not fine with gay shit.

as of yet, i haven’t heard any outrage beyond a few nameless twitterers who referred to it all as an ‘abomination.’  so i thought i’d take a preemptive strike and comprise a short list of other AMA moments more deserving of your outrage, in no particular order.

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problematic song of the day

happy friday, yall!

i was in the car with my homie today when Mary Mary’s ‘God in Me’ came on.  i started bankhead bouncin inside myself cause i forgot how much i loved this song.  it definitely knocks! (do ppl still say that?)

the bad thing is that it may knock (if people still say that) a little too much.  i have this condition where when i hear a good beat, my back involuntarily arches & my hips start rolling without my consent.  that’s not exactly the behavior you want to be exhibiting when listening to a gospel song, im sure. im not well versed in the Bible, but i don’t recall reading ‘Thou shalt backeth that ass up all the way to thine zipper’ anywhere.  correct me if i’m wrong tho.

anyway.  enjoy the song & enjoy ur weekends 🙂

the fattest thing i ever ate: a review.

if you are well versed in internets, you know about the bacon obsession swimming around the foodie world.  if there’s any random product, edible or otherwise, that  you’d like to see injected with bacon, somebody in the internets has probably had the same thought, and made it happen.  bacon salt.  bacon mayonnaise.  bacon mints.  bacon in a bottle.  bacon envelopes. bacon bra.   you dream it, it’s probably out there.

i was perusing the aisles of my favorite snazzy wine spot the other day  and was looking at all the bourgie artisan snacks and treats they also carry.  they specialize in dry meats (*snicker*) and stinky cheese.  i have little interest in either.  i DO have an interest in chocolate though.  i also have an interest in bacon.  my mind was sort of blown when i saw this:

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ridiculous moments in r&b, part 2

floaters

it took 12 years, but here we go again!  ridiculous moments in r & b part deux!  in no particular order, the winners are:

1.  Who let your drunk uncles in the studio?? i have no idea how ‘Float On’ by the Floaters came about, but i’m guessing it went something like this:

Larry: ay!  ay yall, this where my nephew Ronnie J come in here and do his music shit at…i think he got some beer in a fridge here somewhere down here since Paul done drank up all the everythang.

Paul: you cain’t put that on me, man!  you know i don’t drink no beer if it ain’t malted anyway, you hear me??!  *pimp runs around the room*

Charles: WHERE THE ‘YAC AT??!

Ralph: shut up, fool!  hey Larry, what you say Ronnie ‘nem do in here?  music?  aw, shit, we could do that!  we can make somethin for the ladies, man!

Charles: AIN’T NO MAD DOG OR NOTHIN IN HERE, MAN!

Larry: yeah!  say, man, that ain’t a bad idea!  there’s this redbone that work at the Snackin Shack i been tryin to get at for the longest!

Ralph: awwww yeah!  i’ma get on that microphone, talkin bout some “I’M A SCORPIO!  DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEAN, GIRL??!”  *inappropriate hip gyration*

Charles: THIS SOME BULLSHIT!!!

gotta hand it to em though.  the foot action is *crazy* and this song is better than ANYTHING that trey songz will ever do in the history of his life.

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i’m a guest blogger!!

hello, all!

just wanted to drop a quick line to demand suggest you mosey over to AwesomelyLuvvie at some point today and check me out! i’m the days guest blogger! topic: ‘How Not to Holla.’ everybody go and TAKE NOTES!

‘Donnie McClurkin Likes Dick: The Musical’

hello, young man. come and let me lay some holy hands on that ass.

and it’s okay.  it’s okay that donnie mcclurkin likes dick.  really.  i don’t give a shit.  nobody else does either.  well, i guess the portion of his fans/supporters that are conservative anti-gay christians may care and as a result may stop buying his music.  and i guess that’s why he’s been caught out in the streets being his hypocritical self again, this time picking on gay youth.  personally, im bored with it.  i think the things he’s saying abt gay folk are abhorrent, and while im being angry abt it, im also feeling very sorry for him too.  there’s somethin tragic at work here that makes him and others like him feel like being gay isn’t okay.  and that’s sad.

seeing him do this again is very angering though.  earlier today i thought it wld be a good idea to write a song called ‘donnie mcclurkin likes dick,’ because i am one of those people who feels that her inner thoughts, feelings, and emotions are best described in interpretive dance, monologues, or in song form.  problem is im not that great a song writer so i can’t compose a sweeping instrumental good enough to bear the weight of my words.

so i stole somebody else’s.  i thought you’d be able to hear it better if it was done in ‘to-the-tune-of’ style.  disclaimer:  this is probably, on some level, blasphemous and offensive as the word “Christian” appears alongside other such words as “dick,” “cock,” and “nigga.”  but i don’t care.  if u will, stop reading and go away.

if u wont, LET THE PARTY BEGIN!  to the tune of lil flip’s ‘game over’ (an oldie, and a generally terrible song, but ‘flip’ and ‘dick’ rhyme too well to ignore)!

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