‘Donnie McClurkin Likes Dick: The Musical’

hello, young man. come and let me lay some holy hands on that ass.

and it’s okay.  it’s okay that donnie mcclurkin likes dick.  really.  i don’t give a shit.  nobody else does either.  well, i guess the portion of his fans/supporters that are conservative anti-gay christians may care and as a result may stop buying his music.  and i guess that’s why he’s been caught out in the streets being his hypocritical self again, this time picking on gay youth.  personally, im bored with it.  i think the things he’s saying abt gay folk are abhorrent, and while im being angry abt it, im also feeling very sorry for him too.  there’s somethin tragic at work here that makes him and others like him feel like being gay isn’t okay.  and that’s sad.

seeing him do this again is very angering though.  earlier today i thought it wld be a good idea to write a song called ‘donnie mcclurkin likes dick,’ because i am one of those people who feels that her inner thoughts, feelings, and emotions are best described in interpretive dance, monologues, or in song form.  problem is im not that great a song writer so i can’t compose a sweeping instrumental good enough to bear the weight of my words.

so i stole somebody else’s.  i thought you’d be able to hear it better if it was done in ‘to-the-tune-of’ style.  disclaimer:  this is probably, on some level, blasphemous and offensive as the word “Christian” appears alongside other such words as “dick,” “cock,” and “nigga.”  but i don’t care.  if u will, stop reading and go away.

if u wont, LET THE PARTY BEGIN!  to the tune of lil flip’s ‘game over’ (an oldie, and a generally terrible song, but ‘flip’ and ‘dick’ rhyme too well to ignore)!

ah shit, yall done caught me in this bitch
im just you average gospel dude hidin dreams of gettin dick (but i be frontin)
i love watchin football games
dont know the rules but i love men in spandex, mayne (but i be frontin)
i sing on BET with Bobby Jones
but i thank God for dick when i get home (but i be frontin)
i travel all across the globe
to sing, AND to find some different color dicks to blow (but i be frontin)
Sister Jones loves when i get in the choir and rock it
but her husband loves it when i arch my back and pop it (but i be frontin)
oh no, im not a top
i tried, but i cant stop
why? cause i love cock, niggaaaaaaaaaa!

know what i want?
(dick! dick! dick! dick! dick! dick! dick!)
but i be frontin
(dick! dick! dick! dick! dick! dick! dick!)
know what i want?
(dick! dick! dick! dick! dick! dick! dick!)
but i be frontin
(dick! dick! dick! dick! dick! dick! dick!)

look im a Christian nigga, i gots to stay holy
so i hate on gays in public to keep that heat off me (cause i be frontin)
i hope God really does forgive
cause the way a perpetrate in these streets is just a sin (cause i be frontin)
im chillin hard up in my glass crib
throw some stones & hope u dont see my lust for young men (cause i be frontin)
i hate hard and even found a beard
its otherwise the end of my career, i gotta sneer  (so i be frontin)
so i praise dance, fam, with a bible in my hand,
but i stay scannin the congregation for a hot man (cause i be frontin)
said i wont do it again, you’ll go to hell, it’s a sin,
but i back it up for my man and all his friends (cause i be frontin)

know what i want?
(dick! dick! dick! dick! dick! dick! dick!)
but i be frontin
(dick! dick! dick! dick! dick! dick! dick!)
know what i want?
(dick! dick! dick! dick! dick! dick! dick!)
but i be frontin
(dick! dick! dick! dick! dick! dick! dick!)

do what i gotta do to secure my pay check
ill even pick on young kids to keep my pockets fat (cause i be frontin)
see some christians dont like gay men
so now i say hurtful shit like i aint one of them (cause i be frontin)
you might think im all holy and saved
that God really did deliver me from gay (but that’s not possible)
but for real, i love dick
that ‘thug life’ pac dick
that get hot dick, that BIG ‘ready to die’ dick!

know what i want?
(dick! dick! dick! dick! dick! dick! dick!)
but i be frontin
(dick! dick! dick! dick! dick! dick! dick!)
know what i want?
(dick! dick! dick! dick! dick! dick! dick!)
but i be frontin
(dick! dick! dick! dick! dick! dick! dick!)

in conclusion:  Donnie McClurkin, go suck a dick.  literally.  because it’s okay and God won’t love you any less for it.  and i’d probably like you a little more.  win-win!

[pic source]