okay. Adam Lambert’s American Music Awards performance was totally gay. literally. he ground his peen in one dude’s face and ground his tongue in another man’s mouth. pretty gay. that’s fine with me, but i recognize that there’s a big potential for backlash here, as there are a lot of people in this country who are not fine with gay shit.
as of yet, i haven’t heard any outrage beyond a few nameless twitterers who referred to it all as an ‘abomination.’ so i thought i’d take a preemptive strike and comprise a short list of other AMA moments more deserving of your outrage, in no particular order.
1. Toni Braxton’s damn wig. i love me some toni. toni is drop dead gorgeous. but she was drop dead gorgeouser in the 90s when she was rockin the super short black hair. LOVED it. the blonde stringy joint does nothing for me. much more painful to see than adam’s eyemakeup and nailpolish (as seen above).
2. the creepy guy interpretive dancing around alicia keys. um… creepy? why was he there? what was he doing? can he go away? please? much more skin crawl-y than adam lickin some dude’s tonsils.
3. Timbaland’s premature leather jacket. yeah. they shoulda left that one in the incubator a little longer so it could grow just a bit bigger. far more painful than seeing adam’s nutsack rubbin on some dude’s forehead.
4. Lady GaGa dressed as a unicorn skeleton. wtf? to her credit, she did take off the headgear before playing a flaming piano covered in broken glass. but still. much more facepalm-inducing than seeing adam nearly fingerpop (what may have been a) chick on a pole.
5. Shakira’s dancing dancers. this one one of the biggest disappointments of the night for me. i was REALLY looking forward to her giving us the foolishment from ‘she wolf’ but she cheated! she brought a literal army of professional dancers with her and barely embarrassed herself! they did all the real dancin while she just kinda moved a little bit and ‘sang’ (if u call what she does singing. i think of it more as yodeling really prettily). a far bigger disappointment than watching adam have a drunken satan-worshipping orgy with his dancers in the middle of the stage.
so, if u were looking for something to bitch about, there are 5 viable items right there, served up on a platter. you’re welcome.
ps – jennifer lopez fell & busted her ass. heheheh.