Monthly Archives: February 2010


see, black people?  this is how we’re gonna get ahead.  get up, get out, and get somethin.  meet Alabama’s Kim Malone, your sister in law.  not sister-in-law.  but your sister in law.  kinda like when somebody calls you her sister in Christ.  make sense?  awesome.

she’s here to give you straight legal talk when you need it most.  see that slight “i will bust yo ass” squint she’s got to her eyes?  that’s what you want in a lawyer.  somebody who gives it to everybody straight, no chaser.  and that appears to be what she’s all about.  according to the website, she also “(doesn’t) mind telling you when there is nothing left to do but PRAY!”  well praise God & pass the writ of habeas corpus!

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oh, this is SCREAMING for a caption.

“Seriously, who draws a mustache and beard on somebody when they fall asleep?  REAL MATURE.”

“I told Cora Mae I wanted lilies and sequins on this church hat.  DO YOU SEE LILIES OR SEQUINS ON THIS CHURCH HAT??'”


BHM exclusive!: an interview with Mo’Nique’s vocal cords


everybody look at your calendars.  do they say february 25th?  know what that means?  it’s STILL black history month off in this bitch!  it aint over!  we’re gonna keep the party goin with a new exclusive interview, this time with Mo’Nique’s vocal cords.  Mo’Nique, as i’m sure you know, is fairly well-known comedienne and actress, especially after appearance in the movie “Precious: Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire.”  the interview got off to a bit of an odd start when her vocal cords came limping into the room on crutches, speaking barely above a whisper.

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in case you missed this

and you probably did-

my dorkalicious friend Adam left the following comment after one of the responses from the entry on race, humor, and subjectivity.  i thought it was too funny to  let lie in the boneyard.


Yes, I agree. Humor has no place in advancing social justice; in fact its logical endpoint can be only fascism. Every social critic is fond of citing the fact that Hitler came to power through democracy, but few recall that this man ended every marathon speech with a “got yer nose” perpetrated on the nearest diplomat, to mammoth laughter. In fact, the first vote he ever won was in an amateur comedy night competition as the one-man improv comedy troupe “Just in the (Mu)Nich of Time”.

Also, I resent the fact that your use of the “Mc” suffix implies that people of scotch-Irish decent are poor and unthrifty with finance. Refer to Gangs of New York, my friend! And I’ll have you (and all my detractors!) know that haggis-based currency will rise again!


Lite Bread, looks like you got some competition for best white commenting dude!

super major huge big time announcement!

okay, i’ve been trying to drum up excitement for this announcement all morning.  jury’s still out on how effective i’ve been thus far.  anyway, i wanted to announce something to the whole of the internetwebs.. i was going to wait until next month, but there’s been a surge in traffic here as of late, so i figured why not put the line in the water now in hopes that it’d catch the interest of a few more folks.

so.  i’ve been threatening to start a new blog for a few months now, and i’ve finally laid the groundwork.  official launch isn’t until March 1st, but i’ll share the prelims with you.  ladies and gentlepeople, i give you…. Splackavellie Central:  Ridiculous Moments in R&B and Beyond, named after one of my favorite dumb ass r&b songs.

did you just piss your knickers with excitement??!  I KNOW!!!  me too!!!

shout out to george deron for the fancy logo!


your nappy ass roots: Roosevelt Franklin

brought to you by the letters R, G, and B.

Roosevelt Franklin was a member of the cast of Sesame Street in the early 1970s.  A revolutionary character, Roosevelt was believed to be African-American based on the way he spoke and his propensity to sing/dance/rhyme/scat in normal conversation.  He was founder of Roosevelt Franklin Elementary school, wherein he taught his pupils, also believed to be black for the same reasons, lessons in black pride and nationalism, an agenda considered radical by the other residents of Sesame Street.  In one of his most famous, daring lessons, Roosevelt taught his pupils about Africa in an attempt to erase the stereotypical imagery planted in their heads by western media.

Shortly after this lesson aired, Roosevelt Franklin was found shot to death in his dressing room.  No one was ever arrested, but 5 large, yellow feathers were found at the crime scene.


on race, humor, and subjectivity.

if you laugh, you're racist!

i don’t know if you’ve been peeking at it or not, but each year here at the blog, i have what i call a Black History Month Extravaganza.  this consists of made up black history month facts and fictional interviews with black celebrities (or their body parts).  this year i took the party to the Twitterverse and some random tweets there led to this:  a Little Known Black History Month Facts blog that i started on tumblr.  again, made up black history month facts.  all in fun.

not everybody found it funny, which was not surprising to me.  humor is a very subjective thing, and my brand ain’t for everybody.  i get that.  i got a total of two angry comments left for me there, one of which was anonymous.  the other had an email address associated with it, so after he (i am assuming this person is male given his name) left his initial comment, i reached out to him, thanking him for his comment, and encouraging any further questions or comments he may have.  i don’t give a shit about pissing people off, but it’s not (always) my aim; and issues of humor and race have always interested me, so if he wanted constructive discussion, i was very up to giving it to him.  i won’t lie:  my first instinct was to be an asshole about it and fire off some smart-ass ‘satire, motherfucker, do you understand it??!’ response.  but i’m civil sometimes.  welcome to one of those times.

i want to share the exchange with you and welcome your thoughts and opinions on the matter.  largely because the gentleman complaining demanded challenged asked me to.  read his initial email here, my initial response here, and his reply to that response here.  what follows is my response to his response.  confused yet?  lol.  it’s kind of repetitive but…that sort of felt necessary.  mayhaps you’ll see why.

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does Tiger Woods owe you an apology?

i drew up a quick flow chart to help you determine whether he does or not.  you’re welcome.


little kid sees lobster for the first time.

too. cute.

ovaries. taking. over.

must. reproduce. NOW.


fun with google image search: Olan Mills

here’s a confession for you:  i have never, ever taken an Olan Mills portrait, neither solo nor with family, and i gotta tell you… i feel like i’m missing out on an important part of the black experience.  one of my current life dreams/goals is to go get one of those 2-part pictures, the one with you sitting and smiling happily in the foreground, and a picture of your serious thoughtful face floating around in the back ground.  yall know what i’m talkin bout, right?

so until that happens, i have to sate myself with looking at others.  i found some fun ones via google’s image search.  not all of them are Olan Mills, but all of them are freakin hilarious.

*The library backdrop. Oh, why hello there, young scholar!  How lucky of you to find me here amongst my many leather-bound books!  It is here that I spend all of my days meandering among those who truly understand me: Tolstoy, Euripides, Kafka, and Sista Soulja.

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