welcome to what will hopefully be the first of a series of exclusive interviews with some of the most prominent and influential black personalities in our community in honor of black history month. for our first installment, i had the opportunity to sit down with “musician” and reality tv “star” Brandy’s Brother Ray J over a couple of fried bologna sammiches. i wanted to discuss a few specific things: how he feels about the current state of black America, what he thinks about the job that fine ass President Obama has done so far, and what he plans to do with semi-lame ass Mz Berry, “winner” of For the Love of Brandy’s Brother Ray J season 2.
Brokey McPoverty: Hello, Brandy’s– Ray J! Thanks so much for agreeing to meet with me!
Brandy’s Brother Ray J: Oh, no doubt. I’m really feelin’ you, and I’m here, you know what I’m sayin, just to let people know that, you know, black history month is real. That’s why I’m here. Now I got a question for why you here: Are you here for the love of Ray J?
B.mc.P: Um… I’m here to talk about black history month.
B.B R.J: Alright then. Cool. Blessings.
B.mc.P: …Okay. Well, Ray, I thought we’d get started with you sharing some of your favorite black history memories. Do you have any?
B.B R.J: Oh no doubt, I remember this one time, me and Brandy had just came home after seein’ the circus, and we was just so excited because of everything that we had seen, and we were runnin’ around in the living room trying to be like the little trappy people or whatever, the ones that be flyin’ around on them swingsets or whatever?
B.mc.P: …You mean the trapeze?
B.B R.J: Yeah, no doubt, that’s it. You keepin’ it 100 right now. Are you here for the love of Ray J?
B.B R.J: Yeah, so we in the livin’ room pretendin’ to be trappy people and I had accidentally broke a vase that my mom had had on a table, and my moms, she was real, real mad at me I got the beatin’ of my life that night. Moms, she the type to make you go get a switch off the tree outside to whoop you with. No doubt, I think I’ma call her “Get-a-Switch.”
B.mc.P: Um…when I said ‘black history,’ I didn’t mean your history in specific, I meant–wait a minute, did you just give your mother a nickname like you do the girls on your show?
B.B R.J: No doubt. That’s just how I do; I’m from Cali, baby.
B.mc.P: Okay.. that’s weird. So anyway, I was asking for a favorite generalized memory, concerning black history as a whole.
B.B R.J: Huh?
B.mc.P: I just mean that I wasn’t asking for a personal memory, but a memory concerning things that have happened to or for black people that you can remember.
B.B R.J: No, “generalized.” What that word mean?
B.mc.P: …Nevermind. Let’s talk about President Obama. What do you think of him so far?
B.B R.J: Obama is the Man right now, straight up! I like him. He always keepin’ it 100, he don’t try to boggle my mind too much, and I’m feelin’ that. I’m really feelin’ that. Well sometimes I can’t understand all them words he be sayin’ so I get a little bit boggled. I think I’ma call him “Boggle Jr.” because, like, he boggles me, but he don’t boggle me a whole lot.
B.mc.P: Okay, you know what? I don’t want to be rude, but I’m gonna need you to stop giving people ridiculous nicknames. This is just absurd.
B.B R.J: You be knowin’ them big words, huh? I’m feelin’ that. That’s what’s up, that’s what’s up. I think I’ma call you “Encyclopedia Brownskin” ’cause you so smart. Encyclopedia Brownskin, are you here for the love of Ray J?
B.mc.P: I QUIT.