Dear John.

hey, boo.  it’s me, Brokey.

i don’t know if you know it yet or not, but you got the Internets in a bit of a tizzy with that little thing you said in your Playboy interview.  you know, the part about your dick being a white supremacist when it comes to the women you relate with, biblically.  you know what i’m talkin about.  yeah, people didn’t take that too kindly.

well, i mean, look.  i’m an asshole.  i make assholish jokes all the time.  mostly people get them, but sometimes they don’t, and are offended.  i have a feeling that in stating your personal preference (its fine to have a personal pref, btw; i myself, for example, want nothing to do with the French) you made a joke that came off sort of really offensive to SOME black folk.  i won’t say all.  but some.  and i can understand why they’d be offended.

but anyway, the point of this letter is this:  my twitter account is private, and since you’re not following me, you missed all of this.  i’m of the personal opinion that all you need is some good grade A African ancestral vagina to show your penis the the devil in it’s soul and get it to change it’s KKKish ways.  so, in the spirit of Dr. Martin Luther the King, i am willing to take one for my team and put it on you *right.*  i’m pretty sure that my Iron Maiden can show your peen the truth and the light.  i’m willing to do this because it’s what Dr. King would have wanted.

per the discussion you couldn’t see on Twitter, a night spent doing the grownup with me will have you doing each or any combination of the following:

  • singin ‘we shall overcome’ when it’s over
  • naming your 1st born daughter Kujichagulia Assata Angelou
  • renaming yourself El-John Malik El-Shabazz
  • doin free concerts for Centric and TV One
  • running for president on the Rainbow/PUSH Coalition ticket
  • tattooing a vintage ‘COLORED ONLY’ sign on your penis
  • designing the cover of your next album in nothin but kente cloth
  • naming said album ‘WAKE UP, WHITEY’

now i’m not saying that my cooter is life changing, but.  i guess that kind of is what i’m saying.  *kanye shrug*

i implore everyone to join me in this endeavor in honor of black history month.  teach the oppressor your name–and make him/her scream it.

umoja!

love,

Brokey “I’m Lightskinnt But I Still Count” McPoverty

|pic via|

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23 responses to “Dear John.

  1. Heh. You know you ain’t right…

  2. Good black snapper might also have him making the best cheese grits known to man.don’t forget to add that to the list.

  3. My stomach hurts from laughing so hard! Not a kid named Kujichagulia! Nooooo…

  4. You forgot the most important one: “tattoo a vintage ‘COLORED ONLY’ sign on his peen.”

    lol

  5. Put it on him, but don’t hurt him. He looks kinda flimsy.

  6. I believe you COULD change Johnny Boy’s world view! lol

  7. “teach the oppressor your name– and make him scream it!” classic.

  8. now i’m not saying that my cooter is life changing, but. i guess that kind of is what i’m saying. *kanye shrug*

    I LUVS IT!!!!!

  9. So noble. So self-sacrificing. So…ignant.

    I love this post. 🙂

  10. You crack me up!

  11. we are e-twins. this is exactly how i felt. it hurt my widdle fwewwins when i read the interview, but i would put this black southern woman bit of paradise on him so good, he’d see the truth and the light.

    • omg where have u been?! i was thinking about you right before i wrote this thinking ‘i bet nichole would feel me on this.’ swear to bob i was.

      i was also thinking abt you because i was fiddling with office supplies. this will sound odd to those who don’t know abt the time we discussed our borderline inappropriate love of them. lol

      hi!!

      • chello! i’ve been around, cracking up over your “little known black history facts.”

        mmmm. office supplies. i’m going into staples this weekend. *drools*

  12. “i’m willing to do this because it’s what Dr. King would have wanted.”

    I quit you and all your Negroid ancestors….

  13. El-John Malik El-Shabazz still laughing.

  14. You are one very witty writer. They say that laughter is the best medicine; I think that you added five years to my lie span.

  15. I meant “life span.” I never learned how to type.

  16. Pingback: the best of brokey «

  17. Pingback: see you December 1st! |

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