BHM exclusive!: an interview with Mo’Nique’s vocal cords

"HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYY!!!!"

everybody look at your calendars.  do they say february 25th?  know what that means?  it’s STILL black history month off in this bitch!  it aint over!  we’re gonna keep the party goin with a new exclusive interview, this time with Mo’Nique’s vocal cords.  Mo’Nique, as i’m sure you know, is fairly well-known comedienne and actress, especially after appearance in the movie “Precious: Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire.”  the interview got off to a bit of an odd start when her vocal cords came limping into the room on crutches, speaking barely above a whisper.

Brokey McPoverty: Oh, my goodness!  What on earth happened?  Are you alright?

Monique’s Vocal Cords: Yeah, we’re fine.  We work a dangerous job.  Comes with the territory.

B.mcP.: My goodness, I can barely hear you! I expected you to be much louder.

MVC: When we’re not on the clock, we try to be as quiet as possible.  The job takes so much out of us that on our days off, we can barely lift a finger.

B.mc.P.: Well, tell me a little bit about your job.  What makes it so hazardous?

MVC: Have you never heard this woman talk?  All she does is yell!  All that time!  That can take a lot out of a cord, you know??  All the time, just:  HAAAAAAAAAY!  YEEEEAAAAAAAH, BAYBE!  YEEAAAAH HAAAAAAAAYY-*COUGHCOUGHCOUGH*

B.mc.P.: Dear Lord, that’s a nasty sounding cough.  Can I get you some water or something??

MVC: YES!!  Oh yes, yes please!  Oh, it’s been so long since we’ve seen a drop of water!

B.mc.P.: Huh?  You mean she drinks a lot of juice and sweet drinks and stuff?

MVC: Sometimes.  Mostly hot sauce, though.

B.mc.P.: …Hot sauce?

MVC: Hot sauce.

B.mc.P.: She drinks hot sauce.

MVC: She drinks hot sauce.  It’s murder after we’ve been worked raw after taping one of her shows or an interview.  I wish we could just quit.

B.mc.P.: Well, why don’t you?

MVC: Health insurance.  There’s no way anyone would cover us in this condition.  Our co-pay is already through the roof and it barely pays anything on our prescriptions, so pretty much the only medicine we get is Robitussin and Snickers.

B.mc.P.: …Snickers?

MVC: Snickers.

B.mc.P.: Snickers is considered medicine?

MVC: Yeah.  Because of the chocolate.  It’s supposed to coat the throat.  Anyway, that’s why we’re stuck in this shit hole.  If only those Republicans would stop fuckin’ around and let us get this health care shit together.  We’d leave and she’d be voiceless.

B.mc.P: MESSAGE!

there you have it, folks.  the sooner Republicans GTFO the way with this health care reform business, the sooner Mo’Nique will STFU.  is that not worth it to you all??  it HAS to be!!

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6 responses to “BHM exclusive!: an interview with Mo’Nique’s vocal cords

  1. LMAO YOU ARE A FOOL!

  2. *CTFU* *chokes* *gasp* *death*

  3. **in awe**

  4. Robitussin and Snickers. Girl, stop. I my sides hurt.

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