you really need to stop doing this to me.
at this point it’s just rude. okay, we get it. you’re married to a woman you really seem to like and you probably have sex at least three times a week. OKAY. HAVE A PRESIDENTIAL COOKIE ALREADY. i can’t take this anymore. i feel like i’m watching my ex-husband and his new chick get it on in the back of a ’57 chevy one day when i’m just out minding my business going to buy some sponge rollers at Walgreens and get on with my life. YOU ARE TAUNTING MY VAGINA HEART VAGINA AND IT MUST CEASE.
i mean look at him. the hungry lean-in. the parted lips sending promises of girl, when these cameras leave here, i’m gonna pin you down by your wrists and… on warm rafts of moist breath. the cocky little smirk dancing at the corners of his mouth to the tune of and you know i mean it, too, right?
if you INSIST on being both handsome AND the leader of the free world, at least have the decency and common courtesy not to slap your proverbial presidential penis in the faces of those who can’t do anything fun with it.
you know what, i can’t even finish this post.
i bet he tastes like fresh mangoes and accomplished goals. lawd!
(ps – if michelle is reading this, i’m TOTALLY JUST KIDDING)
(pps – gotta thank everyone’s favorite tennessee whiskey woman for this. or curse her for teasing me so. i havent decided yet.)