the mutterface.

oh yeah.  it’s time.  time to dissect and discuss the unfortunate mutterface.  what is a mutterface, you ask?  it’s a male butterface.  what is a butterface?  if you must ask this question, you clearly suck at internet, but hey.  i’m not here to judge.  a butterface, though, is a woman with a very nice body, but her face… yeah.  so now that you’re well versed in interwebs, let’s look at the butterface’s male counterpart and make the concept a little less sexist, shall we?

i was hoping for a generalized list of mutterfaces.  i could only come up with four.  help!

1.  Tyresesinger.  had a bangin ass coca-cola commercial back in the 90s.  taraji henson hates him.

At first I was like:

Aw yeeaaaaahh!  I’ll even forgive those horrible ass tribal tattoos!  Work it, daddy!

But then I was all:

Oh, I didn’t know Skeletor was invited to the party.  Cool.  *collects panties, walks home*

2.  50 Cent. rapper.  got shot 9 times.  recently got anorexic for a movie.

At first I was like:

Hm.  Almost a little too big for me, but mama like!  Mama like.  Is that a gun shot wound?  Rugged.

But then I was all:

Why do I have a sudden urge to watch the Angry Beavers?

3.  Terrell Owens. NFL baller.  VH1 reality show graduate.  from Feelacoochie, Alabama or some shit.

At first I was like:

I bet my tongue would fit quite nicely in that happy little valley between his abs.

But then I was all:

Oh, huh?  Yeah, no, sorry, I didn’t see you there.  Or hear you yelling my name into my ear.  Or feel you tapping on my shoulder.  Friday night?  Yeah, that’d be cool, but I have to stay home and cut the dingleberries off my MeeMaw’s Cat, Mr. Stankyleg.  …k, bye.

4.  Michael Phelps. olympic swimmer.  weed smoker.  horrible actor.

At first I was like:

YES!  This is just my speed!  This speaks to both my love of skinny-yet-muscular boys and boys strong enough to immobilize and pin me down when the time comes (editor’s note: …*cough*).  Plus I’ve been in the market for a white boy too.  He look like he got good credit!

But then I was all:

..Does he chew on lit dynamite in his spare time?

5.  Michael Jai White. actor in the awesome Black Dynamite.  actor in those horrible tyler perry movies.

At first I was like:

It just got African as shit in here, AND I LIKE IT!  Let me tribal dance to YO drums, daddy!

But then I was all:

Is that an S-Curl?  MOTHERFUCK.

6.  Steve Harvey. loud mouth ass, know-it-all ass, whispers mustache havin ass mothertrucker.

At first I was like:

Wait.. wait, there must be some mistake.  I don’t think this is supposed to be here.

But then I was all:


this list is clearly getting out of hand.  it’s best we end things now.

yall got any nominations?  complaints?  i know somebody’s gonna disagree with some selections.  those people are wrong and fools and i’m right.

| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6

17 responses to “the mutterface.

  1. Brokey, youse a fool. That’s all I wanted to say.

    Oh yeah. I approve of all of these. If you want to add some more white meat to the queue, I present Matthew Morrison, aka Mr. Schuester from Glee:

    I don’t know why there’s a duck on his naughty bits, but I quite like his face. Some don’t though.

  2. Annnnndddd I’m done! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

  3. Pingback: Awesomely LuvvLinks | Awesomely Luvvie

  4. I damn near died at the Steve Harvey photo. Well I laughed, until I realized I’m going to have nightmares. But for me Michael Phelps is the ultimate. The whole Olympics I was like, “can we put a bag over his head?” Well, I think he put a bag over his head and a bong under it and…no, I didn’t say that.

  5. Pingback: Shoulda Never Gave these Negros Money (or the Internets) | Throat Chop University

  6. You are right on, but I love me some Tyrese, I actually think he is kins cute. But e’rebody else especially 50 Cent def need to keep a paper bag by the bed or they can let me smoother them with a pillow. Either way is good for me. Where “would” have D’Angelo been?

    Peace, Love and Chocolate

  7. I agree with most of the people on your list (except Tyrese who I think is fine wine) and the last picture of Steve Harvey made me throw up a little in my mouth … BUT THIS “It just got African as shit in here, AND I LIKE IT! Let me tribal dance to YO drums, daddy!” made me spit out my coffee.

  8. done. just done.

  9. Pingback: Dirty Pretty Thangs » Blog Archive » Hot Links: Foolery Across The Innanets!

  10. Oh damn…Phelps is just so unfortunate about the face!! All these guys are some poor unfortunate faces! ROFL!

  11. OMG I’ve been trying to figure out a name for the male ‘butterface”..thank u sooo much!

    The bodies…need a paper bag over their head…lol

  12. Pingback: Circle of Foolery // The Cynical Ones // The Cynical Ones

  13. Lol @ tyrese as skeletor. My day is complete.

  14. Harpo....who dat woman?

    Lamar Odom. Period.

  15. I got to steve harvey and laughed so hard I teared up.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s