on: the absurdity of Shoe Carnival.

i thought carnivals were supposed to be…. fun?

let’s do a group exercise real quick.  think of something you love more than anything else.  not a person, but a thing, an inanimate object.  now, imagine an amusement park or carnival dedicated to that thing.  what’s in your head?  something that amounts to fun times, right?  example:  i love cheesecake.  in my head a cheesecake amusement park/carnival has free cheesecake tasting booths, maybe some cheesecake dedicated rides like the Tunnel O’ Cheesecake, where you get to ride through a long tunnel that smells of fresh cheesecake and u get cheesecake thrown into your gondola or somethin.. you know, fun stuff.

so now imagine an amusement park/carnival dedicated to shoes.  topically, im excited as shit at the very thought.  i LOVE shoes.  love love love.  i bought these for my birthday a couple of months ago:

i named them Winston and Sir Victor.  i love them more than any of my current boos, and i told them so, to their faces.  several times.

i feel like a shoe carnival should have like, roller coasters where the cars are shaped like big, stylish shoes, a cafe with gourmet treats where everything is named after a brand of shoes (ie – Louboutin Linguini, Reebok Raspberry Crumpets, etc).  maybe some people dressed up in shoe costumes walkin around takin pictures with babies.  i dunno.

regardless of what your vision of a shoe carnival is, i can assure you that that is NOT Shoe Carnival’s reality.  if you don’t know, Shoe Carnival is a store, and everytime i ride past it/go inside, i have to wonder whose dumbass idea it was to present that place as one of mirth.  not because i think a carnival of shoes is a bad idea, but because the people who work there seem to be the most depressed, downtrodden people ever.

as far as i can tell, the thing that makes this shoe store a shoe carnival is a podium that sits in the middle of the store, visible right when you walk in.  next to this podium is a big wheel that looks kind of like the one from the price is right, full of prizes and discounts you can win.  and that’s it.  that’s all the fun shoe carnival has to offer.  and on top of that, the prizes kind of fucking suck.  i swear to you, i have never witnessed anybody win anything other than free socks at shoe carnival.  which, i mean, this is a recession and i wouldnt turn my nose up at a pair of free socks.  but come on.  a carnival?  this is your carnival?  really?

as i was leaving shoe carnival once, the guy working the podium tried to get me to come back in and spin the wheel to win a prize.  i wasn’t in the mood for any free socks that day (this was clearly pre-recession) so i shook my head and said no thank you, and im 96% sure he said, ‘well can you at least come and shoot me in the face before i go?’

poor guy.  sucky carnival.  good sales though!

do they have shoe carnivals where yall live at?  are the ppl there as depressed as the guy who wanted to be shot in the face here in KY?

11 responses to “on: the absurdity of Shoe Carnival.

  1. Having worked many different jobs over the decades, I’ve noticed that, particularly in retail, the fun in the name of a business is inversely proportional to the fun of actually working there. OK, maybe not always, but often enough that I’ve always been wary of applying for a job at any place whose name has anything to do with happy fun stuff. Too often, the management style has too little carrot and a whole lot of stick.

  2. The shoe carnival in E-Town has one of those miniature basketball games in the back. That’s funnish.

    • WAT?! lemme find out i got the one suck-ass shoe carnival in the nation!!!!

      • The ones on Hurstbourne Lane and Westport Rd had a funky basketball hoop in the back (at least the last time I was in there), usually unattainable due to 6 or 7 three-foot miscreants climbing all over it… Think they occasionally have popcorn, too, which makes for awful smell-combos (shoes and popcorn? Not a good look at all…). I always feel bad for the poor guy on the microphone in there, except for the occasional “I’m WAY too in to this job” guy, who I do want to shoot in the face for a multitude of reasons…

  3. I just wanna know WHO WHAT AND WHERE about them shoes!! I’m in officially in LOVE WITH THEM lol and I MUST have them lol.

  4. Ms. Brokey?
    You …
    Those shoes …
    and a thong …

    I’ve officially crossed the line …

  5. Yup, Shoe Carnivals galore in the Chi. And yes, they’re prices DO suck for them to be bragging so much about their deals. They ain’t go no deals. They’re Sketchers still as high as anywhere else. And their dress shoes are starting to look cheaper and cheaper. A MESS.

  6. XD I work at Shoe Carnival

  7. Um, how about the Shoe Carnivals in the Detroit area don’t even have games. Socks my ass. They even charge $ 0.35 for EACH footie. Ok, so I may be lying about the last part.

    And they hire emos. I think its a part of the “rehabilitate the depressed recessionistas” thing going on in the state.

  8. My dad was involved in opening these stores in the mid to late 80s. We moved all over the Midwest and he work unbelievable hours. After tremendous dedication they fired my dad and several other mangers that were at the top of their pay scale and brought in eager, young, and CHEAP replacements. I understand it is always about profitability – but this place is (at least it was) incredibly ruthless.

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