B.mc.P exclusive!: an interview with hair whippin’ Willow Smith

"tee hee! bring it, bitch!"

if you know your way around the Internets, then you’ve probably heard that Will Smith’s daughter, Willow, has been making music in between serving bitches with her mohawk game.  and speaking of her hair, and her music, choreography for her song ‘whip my hair’ hit the internets all up in the face this week.  when i saw how crazy my twitter timeline was going under the weight of it all, i knew that i HAD to get this story.  so after a lot of work and a few bribes, i managed to score a quick interview with Willow herself to get the inside scoop on the song and what’s next for her and her music career.

Brokey McPoverty: Hey, Willow!  Thanks so much for agreeing to talk with me.  How are you?

Willow Smith: Yeah, I gotta leave soon.  I gotta meet with Jay in a little bit.

B.mc.P: Wow, you mean Jay-Z?  I heard he just signed you, that’s exciting!

W.S.: Yeah, no, I mean my little cousin JayJay.  We watch Chowder together every day when I’m not busy.  It’s our favorite cartoon.

B.mc.P: Oh… okay then.  Well, let’s start out talking about your song, “Whip My Hair.”  Where did the concept come from?  What made you write and record this particular song.

W.S: Well I was watching videos on TV the other day and I just felt so sad, you know, because music just isn’t what it used to be back in the day.

B.mc.P: Back in the day?  But you’re only 9 years old.

W.S: You remember that Goodie Mob song?  “They Don’t Dance No Mo?”  Like, that is so true, man.  That is so true.  These chicks are running around trying to package themselves as performers, but they can barely sing *cough* RIHANNA *cough* or they just roll around humping the ground trying to call it dancing *cough* BEYONCE *cough*

B.mc.P: Wait, are you taking shots at…

W.S: So I’m watching videos and I’m thinking to myself, ‘These broads are probably scared to dance because if they move their heads too hard, their wigs are gonna fly off!”  But I’m different, see.  I’m an actual talent, you know what I’m saying?  I get into it.  When I’m in the zone, I don’t care about my hair.  I will whip it back and forth and you know what?  It’ll STILL be there when I’m done.  And that’s how I get down.

B.mc.P: So wait a minute, wait a minute.  Where does a 9 year old get the balls to come after somebody almost 20 years older than her??

W.S: It’s not about where I got the balls, lady.  It’s about where they got their wigs.  If they had some good ones and tightened em up, I wouldn’t HAVE to step in and show them how to do it.  You feel me?

B.mc.P: ..Amazing.  So a lot of people didn’t even know you could sing.  Both of your parents are musical artists; who do you think you get most of your talent from?  Your mom?

W.S: Are you kidding me?  Have you heard my mom sing?  She ain’t have nothing to do with this right here.

B.mc.P: Wow.  Okay, um.. well what have the reactions to your song been?  Is it being received well?

W.S: For the most part, yeah, but you always have your haters, you know.  I got a few death threats but that’s it.

B.mc.P: Death threats??  Oh my goodness, from who??

W.S: I’m not supposed to really speak on that, but I will say I got a couple from Raven Symone, and one from Lucretia.

B.mc.P: Raven?  Why Raven?

W.S: I guess she’s mad that her pre-pubescent music career wasn’t as hot as mine already is.

B.mc.P: True.  And who is Lucretia?

W.S: That’s Beyonce’s favorite lace-front wig.  She says she’s been suffering since the song came out because Beyonce’s been trying to whip her hair and Lucretia just can’t hold on.  That’s alright, though, I’m gonna see Lucretia in the streets, and we gon settle this.  Look, this has been fun or whatever, but I gotta go catch the rest of Chowder.


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14 responses to “B.mc.P exclusive!: an interview with hair whippin’ Willow Smith

  1. Lucretia?? For realsies?? iCan’t with you today….

  2. ROFL this is a mess. And yes, I remember Raven’s video. It saddens me that so much of my brain space is devoted to obscure ass music.

  3. I CANNOT!!

    That is all. Now back to my regularly scheduled day

  4. You have single-handedly made the fact that Willow Smith exists okay.
    I… may actually love you.
    I have said t0o much.

  5. Harpo....who dat woman?

    I think I will let the uprising of emotion that is my love for you sweeep me away into that eternal light. I literally laughed until I disturbed my coworkers. Pure money.

  6. U toooooooooo MUCH, Brokey!{ ( 8K

    But dat’z WHY We LOVEZ U soooooooo MUCH!!!


    –The Black Whole

  7. you need to write for some show. Fucking hilarious!

  8. LMBO! That’s hilarious….

  9. That made my day!

  10. ok that lil brat is a real fuk up

  11. what a mother fukin bitch !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    shouldn’t the brat be in school .

  12. OMG… is it wrong, I believe she could take Lucretia?

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