urban fiction novel of the day

“Thong on Fire” by Noire.

She lay on the bed beneath him, filling her lungs slowly beneath his weight.  She liked the feel of every part of him–his beard scratching at the smoothness of her cheek, his tongue, hot and wet, playing along her earlobe, his fingertips tightening the slightest bit around her wrists.

“Oh, D’Clarkeon,” she whimpered in his ear, squirming.

“You like that, Sh’Quaydra’Nique?” he cooed back.  By the way she was beginning to squirm, he already knew the answer.  …Or so he thought.

“Yes, baby, it feels good, but something is wrong,” she said, throwing a hard arch into her back and pulling violently at the thong she wore.

“Yeah, you can’t wait to get outta them draws, can you girl?” he said.

“NO!” she screamed, throwing him off of her. “It burns!  It BURNS!!  Lord Jesus in heaven it feels like I’m bout to birth Beelzebub!!!”

It was then that she knew she had to tell him about the gonorrhea.

(h/t to britters_43!)

(note:  actual title of an actual book, but not the actual text of said book.  but it probably should be.)

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13 responses to “urban fiction novel of the day

  1. Did you read the descriptions on Amazon?… HILARIOUS!!!!

  2. When they make the feature movie of it (or is it Already a Porn title, lol?) I hope Sisco’s Thong Song is the theme/opening. Hope there’s a scene where some dude, right in the middle of ‘gettin’ it On’ breaks out singin’

    “She had dumps like a truck truck truck
    Thighs like what what what

    Baby move your butt butt butt” – (… money-shot)

    (In real life, it is as likely it would go …
    “And 1 ½ years late the clinic has to tell her she is HIV-positive …)

    PS: And 3, yes, THREE, in one Day! Ms. Brokey is Alive! ( picture Young Frankenstein and “It’s ALIVE!”)

  3. I feel special!! Brokey shouted me out!

    That cover smh.

    *looks at it again*

    *dies again*

  4. Thanks to RTing this link, I now have authors of urban liton twitter attempting to make me purchase and read their wretched novels. Fvck my entire existence. *sigh*

  5. that book cover looks more rural than urban, but whatevuh

  6. “Thong On Fire” – The horrible V.D. tale of Kat Stacks. *pours out
    Amoxicillin*

  7. Bwahahaha!!! I’m in class reading this on my blackberry and I lol’d super hard. The professor is looking at me like I smacked his mother in the face

  8. This has negativity written all over it!

    Worst cover art ever.

  9. Seriously…whatever happened to REAL Black writerz like J. California Cooper, Toni Morrison?!

    This is all the fault of da chick who wrote “How Stella Got Her Groove Back” and married a gay guy (not that there’s anythang wrong w/ dat…unless she REALLY didn’t mean to…but then again, how could she NOT have KNOWN?).

    What “passes” for “literature” today in da Black community sucks donkey ballz. It’s prolly a scene in this book, too! = \

    http://theblackwhole.wordpress.com

    At least U made Us laugh @ all this inanity, BMCP…what else can we do, besidez NOT buy or read this trash?

    Truly.
    –The Black Whole

  10. I’m going to name my next goldfish D’Clarkeon.

  11. Harpo....who dat woman?

    Busted out at work laughing so hard. The literal thought of a flaming thong caused a slightly frightening reaction and made me want to go home and change my drawers.
    But seriousy though, have you ever had a man make you feel like your thong was going to singe right off of you?

    In my funky old Della reeses voice:
    “That there would be some real good nookie…”

    LOL…SMH

  12. You know I tweeted about this book a few months ago. No one believed me. I had to twitpic it. Horrible. I tried to read it…I am only half way through. Horrible mess.

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