Vote for the These Damn Cans of Glory Greens Are Dented Party!

so we’ve all seen that slightly batshit yet somehow awesome Jimmy McMillan in his quest for the governor’s chair in New York on the The Rent is Too Damn High Party.  i am inspired.  ladies and gentlemen, i would like to take this opportunity to declare my intent to run for governor of any state of your choosing on a brand new platform to be known as the These Damn Cans of Glory Greens Are Dented Party.

this is a real problem in society.  everyday,  grandmothers are walking up and down the aisles in their local grocery stores lookin for greens, and when they get to the greens, you know what they see?  they see some damn dented cans of Glory Greens, that’s what they see.  but you go to any of these fancy pants whole food stores, and they don’t even HAVE Glory Greens, and the cans of food that they do have ain’t dented.  i bet if they DID have Glory Greens, the damn cans wouldn’t be dented.

the tax man is takin from my check and we can’t even get a can of Glory Greens without a damn dent in it.  that don’t make no damn dented sense.  you got the government comin into our neighborhoods and giving us crack, but they can’t come down here and give us some damn cans of Glory Greens that don’t have a damn dent in them.  that’s not fair and it ain’t right.  if i got to guy a damn dented can of Glory Greens then they need to at least lower the price from $1.27 to about 59 cents or somethin like that.  and who is putting dents in the damn cans anyway?  somebody needs to speak up.  this right here is a shame.

as a karate expert, if you vote for me i will get these damn dents out of these cans of Glory Greens because our children are hungry.  their stomachs are growling.  can you hear them?  i do.  i listen. and yall can’t listen like me.  and that’s why you need to vote for me, Brokey McMillian, for the These Damn Cans of Glory Greens are Dented Party.

if this run for the governorship is not successful, i would like to announce that i’ll be switching over to the Pull Your Damn Pants Up Party.  and quit runnin in and out of this damn house while i got the air on!  don’t be playin in my yard, either!

inspiration:  this guy and this party.

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22 responses to “Vote for the These Damn Cans of Glory Greens Are Dented Party!

  1. I may leave the “Them ain’t nothin’ but water bugs” party to join you.

  2. I’m sorry, I’m voting for the “Git yo ass in the dayum house! It’s past 7pm!” party.

  3. We might need to form a coalition with the Don’t Slam My Screen Door party.

  4. I was just down at the Walmarts and saw a dented can of Glory Greens!!! I think you’d be a shoe-in for Why You Got My Fidgiator Open Again party.

  5. I used to be in the “No my brother, you gots ta get yo own!” party, but they wasn’t right.

  6. I’m all up for the
    “Hell Naw, I ain’t your personal ATM machine!!!” Party.

    (Said repeatedly by Me. To my kids. As they presume, again, upon Dad’s financial leniency)

    (and ain’t sayin’ “ATM machine” like, redundant or sumthin’?
    Automatic
    Teller
    Machine
    Machine)

  7. i used to be in the My Chitlins Don’t Stink The Way I Cook Em party, but only cuz my mama was in it. but honestly? her chitlins DID stink, and frankly, so did everybody elses chitlins.

    so i joined the Don’t Make Me Hafta Get Up Out This Chair party- i like their position on conservation.

  8. @Tex!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    ROFLMAO and the “My Chitlin’s Don’t stink” Party!
    You Know it, dude! No matter What I tries, it’s stanky. Done the ‘in the pressure cooker, lid on Tight’, the ‘just put some potatoes in there’ and (my kids favorite) ‘Lets just leave an’ go to the beach for awhile why the house stank’ Chitlin’ Party favorites …
    and guess what? House Still Stank, lol.
    (But with some rite-proper Hot Sauce an’ vinegar … )

  9. Folks …
    Are we all slightly afraid of the …
    “Don’t make me hafta slap your mouth off yer face” Party?

    Child Protective Services might be readin’ …

  10. so…no one for the Git Off Mah Lawn Party?

  11. I’ve been a member of the Don’t Ask For Nothin, Don’t Touch Nothin, I Aint Gon Say It Again Party since I was wee. My grandmother was on the fundraising commitee.

  12. I’ve denounced my membership to the Don’t Make Me Take Off My Belt party

  13. I founded the Have You Lost Your Damn Mind Party. I like to think of it as the antithesis of the Tea Party.

  14. i am the founding member of the ‘When i knock you out, you’ll be alright party.’ we don’t play that mess, is our slogan.

  15. I was derailed by my mom’s I Brought You Into This World I’ll Take You Out of It Party.

  16. Yall make my “get up! We late for school every damn day” party seem powerless.

  17. HAHA!!

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