this is the dawning of the aaaaage of…. capricorn?

so!  today some man smacked all you zodiac obsessed yatches in the face when he announced that the zodiac that we all know and love has changed, complete with a new addition.  you were a Taurus yesterday?  hope you like being an Aries from now on!  got “sexy virgo” tatted on your tit?  better put a lion face over that!

now i think this is awesome because i have to say–and i don’t mean any offense when i say this–people who really are obsessed with the zodiac get on my LAST NERVE.  it’s all such bullshit to me.  “i can’t date a capricorn!”  “i’m a pisces, so you KNOW i get down in bed!”  HA!  turns out your precious zodiac don’t mean dick!  the sky is falling!  the sky is falling!!

but, i also think this is kind of bullshit too because where does this random ass man get off poppin up and deciding he’s just gon make his own damn zodiac?  if he can do it, *I* can do it, so come on over here and get your brand new Brokey Approved Zodiac signs.  which are you?? drop yours in the comment box!

Sign Dates Description
Cephusnreesie April 18 – May 13 Cephusnreesies are optimistic, often encouraging those around them to look up in the skyrruh, baybeh, ain’t that a starruh?
Povich May 13 – June 21 Upon hearing bad news, a Povich will often bust out in a sporadic run out of the immediate vicinity.
Minaj June 21 – July 20 People born under the sign Minaj will likely experience great success, in spite of their obvious lack of genuine talent.
Jackee July 20 – Aug. 10 Jackees are loud, fun-loving, and very drawn to people named Mary.
Goulet Aug. 10 – Sept. 16 Goulets are just fucking awesome.  They love rap music and stare down mountain rams.
Sheneneh Sept. 16 – Oct. 30 When consuming a malt beverage contained in a 40 ounce bottle, Shenenehs will sip said beverage through a straw, because she/he’s a laaaady/geeeentleman.
Butrell Oct. 30 – Nov. 23 Butrells ain’t one to gossip, so you ain’t heard that from them.  No you haven’t.
Dylan Nov. 23 – Nov. 29 People born under the Dylan sign are very self absorbed.  Their favorite people are Dylans, Dylans, Dylans Dylans & Dylans.
Gartrell Nov. 29 – Dec. 17 Gartrells are kind to a fault, often agreeing to help friends and family in their artistic endeavors, even if it leaves them looking like a stone fool.
Koolaid Dec. 17 – Jan. 20 Those born under the sign Koolaid are often invasive, busting into the affairs of others as if through a brick wall.
Tron Jan. 20 – Feb. 16 Trons are very fond of banana cognac and other fresh juices.
Oswald Feb. 16 – March 11 Individuals extrapolated bequeath this sign habituitably very clairvoyant–oh, pardon me–Claire *Huxtable*.
Biggums March 11 – April 18 Possessing a certain unexplainable physical strength, a Biggums is very punctual, never arriving late to a free crack giveaway.

12 responses to “this is the dawning of the aaaaage of…. capricorn?

  1. Seriously, banana cognac? No. Damn. Way.

  2. I’m a Jackee! *gets even tighter dresses to go wif my sign*

  3. I am a Goulet! And I love rap music! Watch out now!

  4. Oh and I guess I can cover up the “Virgo” tat with “Goulet” Watch out now!

  5. this is brilliant!

  6. Goulet checking in! *finger guns*

  7. Oh yeah!! I’m Gartrell!!! *puts on an ill fitting, oddly colored shirt made by my well meaning sibling*

  8. Uhhh…I’m a Manaj. O…k. lol

  9. i am such a total gartrelle, for real. and i’m highly compatable with shenenehs. they freaky

  10. Ahhh I’m a Povich! **runs away in tears, wall slides**

  11. Joy, and I’m a Tron! *float, float onnnnn.*

  12. I’m a tron. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! I was hoping I’d be a Ceephusnreesie

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