Category Archives: ANTM

marjorie nooooooooo

OMG!  THEY LET MY BOO GO!!!!??

laaaawd why yall didnt tell me??!  i havent seen the show in weeks!  i happen to tune in to the last half hour of the finale and this is what im greeted with??!  precious lord, take my hand!!

like, i barely REMEMBER these two broads left.  the runway show?  they were TERRIBLE!  just stompin around up there like a couple of drunk yeti!  and freakin mckey?  i have no idea what her face looks like because i cant get past those parachutes she’s passing off as ears.  ugh.  i am outraged.  OUTRAGED!!!!

so yeah, i didnt see the ep where the was exed, but im readin abt it @ wikipedia and it says she won the challenge that episode.  what the frick?  how you win the challenge but lose at life??!  smh.  i just dont understand it.

its okay tho boo.  you got more talent in your awkward little pinkies than this two chicks have in their entire lives and personalities.  we gon see you again!

oh, btw, the winner this cycle is…

mckey.

what in the damn shitty assed name of blasphemous hellfire is this.

this season BLEW.

america’s next top other

good news!  ive finally decided to stop being a lazy bastardess & get back to updating.  you’re welcome.

bad news:  im doped up on benadryl and cannot be held responsible for any wreckless turns that my literary coherence makes during this entry.  i’m sorry.

so, ive been out of the reality tv loop.  i did see hoopz beat whiteboy on ‘i love money.’  i wasnt very moved.  i mean im glad she won, but when it was over i realized that i never really gave a shilznilz who won; i was just in it for the food fights and wacked out, wtf-inducing marriage proposals.  bully for her, though.

i just caught ANTM for the first time in a couple of weeks.  isis is gone 😦  sorry, boo!  i hear that sean john is lookin at u tho, so you’re straight.  i guess… i’m tryin to decide who’d be the biggest nutjob to work for–tyra or diddy.  jury’s still out; i’ll get back to ya! (c) sarah ‘heels are on, brain cells are lonely’ palin.

i was thrilled to see that marjorie is still kickin much international ass.  i LOVE that girl, i swear to bob.. she’s so cute! she’s like a little church mouse who hasnt eaten in 12 years but won’t ask for a crumb of your bacon egg & cheese croissant because she doesn’t want to be rude!  how precious is that?!  and she takes the most awesome pics, and is even better at takin instruction.. she’s hands down the one to beat, at least right now.  i wish they’d stop playin that damn franch music everytime she’s on the screen tho.  it was funny before i liked her.  BACK OFF, ANTM MUSIC EDITOR GUY!

i can’t remember if i liked analeigh or not, but i was glad that she did well.  elina seems to be fallin off a bit; ordinarily i’d feel some kinda way about that but i dunno.  she’s kinda fallen off my radar since they gave her that wack ass makeover.  the whole vegan-who-hates-pretty-much-everything vibe doesn’t jive as well beneath strawberry blonde hair.

i am, however, glad that she stayed and what’s her name is out; elina definitely has talent.  what’s her name was forgettable (clearly). lauren something-or-other; she was in the bottom two along with ‘yellow fever’ sheena who, of course, was referenced as bein all kinds of ‘hooch’ for most of the time that she was on screen.

i take issue with that, and its kind of hard for me to articulate why (especially whilst floatin on this benadryl cloud.  this stuff is AWESOME).  ive always been of the opinion that the judges on this show latch on to the ‘otherness’ of many of the contestants, and often, when it comes to ethnic/marginalized girls, they consider it a negative.  i’m particularly reminded of how my blood used to boil during past cycles when they’d keep telling one or several of the girls that they’re being too ‘ghetto,’ or in some rare cases to be MORE ghetto, like there arent any other constructive terms to use that they’d be able to understand.  like, it was annoying when tyra did it, but when non-black folks did it it was just offensive.  that’s what this puts me in the mind of.  like, i dunno.  when sheena decided to pose by putting that bag in her cooch, alright.  lol i can agree that that was a poor decision that created skankalicious effects.  but i cant help but wonder if one of the blonde girls did it.  wld they have been all kinds of skanks and hoochies then? i personally dont see a lot of the things they call ‘hooch’ as such.  but i mean, she’s curvy.  she has the most authentic body of any of the girls there (fake boobs included)… maybe folks there just arent familiar with the way a body like that moves.  she has boobs that actually cover her breast bone, so OMG, her sex is out of control!  look at them, they bounce when she walks!!  but then again, maybe she can’t help it.  she’s exotic!  she’s dark & mysterious.. women like that can’t control their libido, they have extra just like black ppl have an extra bone in their legs that makes them run faster.

i dunno.  my cloudy brain is halfway recalling a white chick they kept calling stripper-like some cycles past so iono what to make of it all really.  i just know it doesnt sit well with me at all.

all that aside, i think she’ll be next to go next week.  her boring pictures may prove to be a vaccine for the ‘yellow fever’ after all.

GO MARJORIE! 

…and benadryl!

tranny tv! ANTM + IWW4D

i tried so hard to watch the RNC last night, but i couldn’t because of two main factors:  1 – republicans make my booty itch (in a bad way), and 2 – cycle 11 of ANTM premiered!  but i do have to admit.. it was mostly b/c republicans make my booty itch.

i did catch palin’s speech though, and can i just say.. that heffa got a SMART MOUTH (note:  white people, that doesnt mean the same a “articulate;” its not a good thing when a black person says that)!!  maaaan im sittin there listenin to her and im just thinkin to myself, let me be in a room and she slick talkin *MY* boo like that.  im waitin for her ass outside near the rear exit cause we gon have some things to discuss. 

so anyway, i spent the majority of last nite’s RNC coverage watching the premier of america’s next top model.  say what you will about tyra banks, but she turned out a banger of a show.  each season/cycle/whatever is always interesting; you get a dose of competition, several opportunities to scream ‘WORK IT, BITCH!!’ at your TV, and a good helping of real world drama in every episode.

this season promises plenty of drama (in addition to the beef to come with the requisite smalltown girl who’s never seen a black person in real life before) with the inclusion of the show’s first ever (and reality TV’s third or fourth ever, if my score card is right, which it probably isnt) transgendered model.  this is isis:

now. is she the prettiest?  no.  ive probably seen prettier trannies in the gayborhood on 13th & locust (haay philly!).  actually no, not here.. but in the internet webs at least.  still, she showed last night that she can take a damn good picture and because of her story, she’s really easy for anyone living in the margins of society to relate to and empathize with her.  so ive dubbed her one of my favorites so far.

my other starting faves:

elina –  dont know how likeable she will be, but i think she’s gorgeous.  her picture last night was awesome.

marjorie – omg.  cutest.  thing.  EVER!  she’s so unassuming and sheltered and awkward with the tiniest hint of foreign!  i just wanna put her in my pocket and say ‘aww, it’s okay, pigeon.. the world is not so scary as it seems.  so shut your freakin face about it already.’  then i will give her a cookie.  no, a biscuit.  she is french.  french people eat biscuits, right?  not cookies.  id give her a biscuit.

sheena – i actually didn’t want to like sheena.  i think the whole ‘look at me, i got a black girl attitude and that’s hot because im not black’ thing is played and annoying.  but somethin in her kinda makes me feel like she fell out the womb snappin her neck and craning her fingers somehow.  plus, she seems really, really likeable.  i approve!

analeigh – she’s one of the prettiest girls there, i think.  the jury’s still out on her attitude and likeability though.. i cant remember, but i feel like  she was one of the ones goin at isis too.  if so, you are SOO off this list, young lady!  you gon leave my boobear alone!

and i already had an ‘ooooh wee im glad that bitch is GONE!’ moment with the first elimination.  this canyon-mouthed broad STAYED with somethin slick to say abt isis, talkin bout she cant win, introducin herself to the judges as america’s next top model.  and oops, what happened:  end of the show, isis is chillin in the back holdin her picture while yo ass is collapsed on the floor cryin because you suck.  girl, boo!  bitch, bye!

so yeah.  since making the band 18 is failing to hold my attention these days, i think this will be my trashy reality show of the season.  even ‘i love money’ is starting to fall off my radar.  gotta say i didn’t see that comin.

i do kinda keep my eye on ‘i want to work for diddy’ though.  i cant remember if ive mentioned it here or not; i dont think i have.  the show is cool.  it doesnt make me feel pressed to dish about it every week.  i did mean to make a comment abt the last episode i saw though; the one where they made the viral videos?  well.  in case you’ve been living in a soundproof cage, you should know that there’s also a transgendered young lady on that show as well, by the name of… laverne?  is that right?

well, the contestants were split into two teams and given the task of making a viral video for diddy and blah blah blah.  so laverne is on camera interviewing somebody or something, and one of the dudes kept saying

we need you to be more tranny!

i need more tranny than that, baby, come on!

you gotta tranny it up for me a little more!

and here’s where laverne lost points with me, because she didnt yank that dude up by the collar and ask him wtf he meant by that.  lol i mean come on!  if a whtie director had him on camera and kept tellin him to ‘be blacker!  i need some more ghetto from you!’  he’d be on the phone tryna get jesse and al marchin in the streets!  and. laverne just went along, shuckin and jivin.  boo to you, missy. 

1 | 2 | all linked pictures

marvita noooooooooooo

sigh.  i guess i wasnt too surprised, but my girl vita got sent home last night.   now the only show i saw other than this last episode was the very first one.. there’s too much damn reality tv on these days and i can never remember what show comes on when; it was actually just by chance that i caught this one.  im glad i did though.  if she was gonna go, i wanted to be able to bid her farewell.

honestly, i didnt/dont think that marvita is what i wld call ‘pretty,’ conventionally, but fuck that, u don’t HAVE to be pretty to be a fashion model, u just have to be anorexic really tall & really thin, which she is.  and i think that her unconventional looks are (or at least wld have been) a plus for her.  they’d call her ‘edgy’ and ‘fierce, bitch!’ and love her cause she’s different and ‘exotic’ (*cringe* @ that word).  but sis just didn’t think she cld do it, and that showed.  she had ZERO idea how to model.  like, zilch.  but!  i think there was untapped potential there.  i just looked through her portfolio, and her other pictures weren’t bad!  actually i think she looks sorta like kelly rowland all done up.

vitarow.jpg
does this mean kell-kell looks like vita when she wakes up in the morning?

but, alas, i bet she was probably intimidated by the other girls on the show, and in the end.  it did her in.  that, and this horribe, depressed ‘who stole my mittens and my first born son?’ assed picture she took.

cwtv.com

peace, boo!

in other news, fatima is still a classist, elitist, snobby, annoying, better-than-you, holier-than-thou, really annoying, sandwhich deficient sack of bones.  what else is new, huh.

i have to say that i was a little tickled at dominique and what’s-her-name’s fight (whitney?  tiffany? i dunno, the ‘plus-sized’ one).  dominique was completely ridiculous for calling her racist–she had no base for that–but my girl totally made me smh @ her when she said those 5 fated words that some white folk immediately look to whenever someone fires that missile at their ship:  ‘my best friend is black.’  lmao.  GROAN. 

speaking of dominique, she kind of looks like Hoopz from ‘flavor of love’ fame history, no?

hoopzdom.jpg

 

***

pic sources: marvita, kelly rowland, marvita, dominique, hoopz, respectively.

america’s next top model: cycle 10, ep. 1.

what is this, the 10th season? this show has been on since i was 15 years old? are you serious?

that’s nuts.

anyway, i had no intention of watching this season because reality tv sucks big fat infected ass these days. idol is wack. i keep forgetting to watch ‘making the band’ (hence the lack of recaps here), same with flavor of love 3. there’s just a lot of sucking goin on. tell you what, u want good (semi) reality tv, watch the first 48 on A&E. awesome show.

anyway, i just happened to catch the second half of the first episode of the season on tv today, and i think i may see some promise coming primarily in the form of 23 year old Marvita.

with a name like Marvita, she kinda has no choice but to be fabulous.

i like her. i dont know if she’s pretty, but i think she’s got a unique blend of facial features goin on that should make for some pretty good pictures if she knows what she’s doing. also, she hates this girl.

her name is Fatima and she’s snooty, holier-than-thou, and generally annoying. Marvita’s distaste for her is surely a testament to her common sense. go Marvita!

and can we talk quickly about the absurdity of their first photo shoot please? correct me if im wrong, but the theme was homelessness, and for the shoot the models were to pose as homeless women with actual homeless people who were dressed in nice clothes (aka – as ‘real people’)? wtf? whose idea was this? what happens when the shoot is over? ‘kay, thanks homeless girls, you’ve been great! oh um, yeah, we’re gonna need those clothes back. you can pick up your fingerless gloves and flea blankets on the way out. kay thanks buh bye!’ totally absurd.

also absurd: this woman, in the year 2008, is a plus sized model.

america is retarded.