this blog isnt about me, but id like to tell you a little bit about myself.
i was born and raised in louisville, ky and raised by a single mother. she and i look a lot alike, and as i grew older i discovered we have a lot of the same talents. i started writing poetry when i was 8 years old up until i was about 18. somewhere in between then, i found a book that my mother used to keep as a young woman. on the pages were poems she had written by hand for years. writing is pretty much the only thing id really shown a passion for as i went through school, and by the time i hit high school, it was pretty much assumed that whatever i would end up doing in life would involve writing. first i wanted to be a published and famous poet. then a playwright, and now.. novelist? screenwriter? i dont know yet. that’s why i started this blog, to keep me writing something, anything, until i figure it out.
but to hell with all that shit now yo. i want to be a fuckin SHAOLIN MONK!!!!
i totally fell in love with them last night. i mean i already knew they were awesome, but i think in my head they were just like these little cute guys who knew some form of martial arts but used them more so for like, street performances and such. their moves always looked pretty as opposed to instilling fear in me. no, these dudes will kill the life out of you. or at least they can. they prefer not to, but holy son of a bitch, they will.
going into this matchup i knew little abt both groups, but i knew that the maori were brutal. and i mean we saw one bite the throat out of an opponent in the re-enactments. they also liked to scare the shit out of u, too, hence the tattooed faces and the yellin and the screamin and whatnot. oh, they were cannibals too. see this face?
hi! these are my tonsils. AND YOUR GRAVE!!
they opened their mouths and stuck out their tongues to say ‘after i kill u, im going to eat you, and u will be able to do nothing about it seeing as how you’ll be dead. nyah nyah!” ..yeah. all that coolness considered, i still wanted the monks to win. just cause they’re so freakin cute!! all the jumpin and the ‘hi-yaaah!’in and the splits in the middle of a move for seemingly no reason. precious!
spoilers (eventually) after the jump!
i know, i know. this place is becoming deadliest warrior central. deal with it!
i meant to do this like, way long ago but havent had a chance to. so remember the yakuza vs mafia episode of ‘deadliest warrior? remember the tasty angry asian guy demonstrating the yakuza’s weapons and tactics? his name is zero kazama, and he’s totally in love with me. i know this because he came by and checked out my review of the episode and thankfully left a comment, which made stalking him waaaay easier. i ended up @ his blog and found that he had a LOT to say about the outcome of that episode. he brought up some great points that id never really considered, some of which i will share with u.
he als has some great stills of the assaults that poor Joe Torso must deal with on a weekly basis. im gonna throw one in here just because.
-first good point: have u ever actually looked at the numbers they put up after having declared a winner of each battle? yeah, me neither. two things ppl are quick to trust in this world without question: doctors and computers. i always assumed that the numbers wld make sense but, at least in this episode, they dont. example: they have the bat killing MORE people than the yakuza’s pistol (wtf?) and only two less than the grenade (??!). yeah. unlikely.
-second good point: for some reason they dont use the same test settings for each comparable instrument. why not? wldnt u get more accurate results that way?
-third good point: they never account for defensive moves or counter attacks. like sure, an ice pick can kill u if u sit still and wait for it to be slid into ur spine, but what if u move out of the way? tiny bit more difficult.
and so on and so forth. zero REALLY picks apart like, every aspect of the show; its a very interesting read. if u like the show and are interested in this nerd shit, go check it out!!
also, a fun fact! the shaolin monk that will be plucking the freakin eyeballs out of his enemy in tonight’s episode (shaolin monk vs maori, tonite at 10 on spike tv!!)? that’s zero’s roommate.
if ever there was a house that you SHOULD NOT ATTEMPT TO ROB under any circumstances, theirs is it.
sooooooo. this week’s deadliest warrior. yakuza vs the mafia. i dont really know what i was expecting given what i know about the two groups, and here’s what i know about them: they use guns. lots and lots of guns. i felt like there was a good possibility that this episode wldn’t be quite as cool as the others because i mean, i know what guns do. they shoot into motherfuckers. where is the coolness for me to learn?
my initial prediction had the yakuza winning because let’s face it. them cats know martial arts and shit, meaning that they can likely kick your ass with or without weapons. definitely without. plus the mafia was really brazen with their attacks and didnt really give a shit about wettin up a party in broad daylight across the street from a police statement, which could suggest a bit of a tactile deficiency. plus stereotypically speaking, when i think of japanese fighters, i think ninja-like stealth and samurai-like logistics. brains + guns + martial arts + ninjasamurai brains = yakuza wins!
i changed my mind more than twice as the episode wore on tho, and in the end, i felt satisfied with the winner.
plus, we reached a milestone last night! for the first time in Deadliest Warrior history, one of the demonstrations guys had to be held back to keep from kickin the other one’s ass! YES!!
warning! spoilers after the jump!