Category Archives: kill yourself expeditiously

Mel Gibson needs to hire some kittens.

so batshit Mel Gibson went a little bit batshittier in the days that i havent been updating.  im sure yall know that so we won’t go over the details.

but the homie young h of go in radio tweeted me a gem over the twitter earlier today and a lightbulb brighter than a thousand suns exploded over my head.  this is it!  here’s the answer!  from here on out, Mel Gibson, whenever you open your mouth to say any gotdamned thing, or when you have to respond to something else dumb and criminal that you’ve said:  say it with kittens.  straight up.  i mean you’ll still look like a dick with a chemical imbalance, but at least you’ll be able to make some people say ‘awwwww!’ in the process.

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hair of the day

…surely this can’t get any worse.  right?

MOTHERFUCKER

(found via this lovely lady’s flickr)

white people don’t look like terrorists.

at least not according to House GOP candidate Dan Fanelli.  check out this ad he’s got running in Florida, as reported by Greg Sargent at The Plum Report (i found this via @USSClueless):

…there are a few people who beg to differ with that logic:

these lily white men are responsible for the deaths and woundings of nearly 1,000 American citizens (click their pictures or click here to read about their crimes).  and this isn’t even considering the murders and attacks carried out by the most well-known American terrorist group, the kkk.

but all terrorists are brown tho.

lol okay.

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you are dead to me, Iago the parrot!!!

"squawk! Polly needs some racial sensitivity classes! squawk!"

i have always defended Gilbert Gottfried when people would talk about how annoying and unfunny he was.  i liked him, largely because Aladdin is/was one of my favorite racist ass Disney movies ever, and Gilbert, of course, was the voice of Iago, Jafar’s hatin’ ass, evil ass sidekick.

turns out that evilness followed Gilbert right out of that soundbooth and has been with him ever since, and is illustrated in this audio clip from Shabooty.com (which i found via fungkeblakchik via twitter) in which he finds it appropriate to call Barack Obama the quote/unquote n-word.

go listen here.  then come back here so we can rant and rave together.  i’ll wait.

ready?

okay.

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gidiot of the day

my 16-year-old niece called me a gidiot once.  my instinct was to get mad, but first i had to ask her wtf a ‘gidiot’ was to see if making fun of her retarded vernacular would be a more appropriate response.  she said that a gidiot was a ‘goofy idiot,’ and… i kinda liked it.

that was the first word that came to my head and out of my mouth when i saw this dude.  he got a huge pair of dirty hipster douchebag glasses tattooed to his face.  to his face.  tattooed there.  forever.

you’ve got your very own star of david now, guy.  or, more appropriately, star of doucheness.  good luck living with that for the rest of your life!

Mo Money Taxes.

so.  im sitting here in my room, watching my big extra super fantastic big ol screen tv when it suddenly explodes, displaying 40 inches of ridiculousness in the form of the commercial i’m about to show you.  before we get to the viewing, let me tell you a bit about the company.

Mo Money Taxes is apparently a tax preparation service.  they seem to have found some level of success, since, according to the website, they have multiple offices pretty much all over the American south, and also some midwestern states.

that being said, let me tell you that this particular commercial features a large white man with green hair yelling phrases such as:  “I’M TOE UP FROM THE FLO UP!”, “BLAME IT ON THE AH-AH-AH-AH-AH-AHKKAHOL!”, “WHERE DEY DO DAT AT?!'” and “CALM THE HELL CALM DOWN!”  it also features an angry man standing and yelling “IT’S FINNA GET REAL UGLY UP IN HERE!'”  ready?

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‘Donnie McClurkin Likes Dick: The Musical’

hello, young man. come and let me lay some holy hands on that ass.

and it’s okay.  it’s okay that donnie mcclurkin likes dick.  really.  i don’t give a shit.  nobody else does either.  well, i guess the portion of his fans/supporters that are conservative anti-gay christians may care and as a result may stop buying his music.  and i guess that’s why he’s been caught out in the streets being his hypocritical self again, this time picking on gay youth.  personally, im bored with it.  i think the things he’s saying abt gay folk are abhorrent, and while im being angry abt it, im also feeling very sorry for him too.  there’s somethin tragic at work here that makes him and others like him feel like being gay isn’t okay.  and that’s sad.

seeing him do this again is very angering though.  earlier today i thought it wld be a good idea to write a song called ‘donnie mcclurkin likes dick,’ because i am one of those people who feels that her inner thoughts, feelings, and emotions are best described in interpretive dance, monologues, or in song form.  problem is im not that great a song writer so i can’t compose a sweeping instrumental good enough to bear the weight of my words.

so i stole somebody else’s.  i thought you’d be able to hear it better if it was done in ‘to-the-tune-of’ style.  disclaimer:  this is probably, on some level, blasphemous and offensive as the word “Christian” appears alongside other such words as “dick,” “cock,” and “nigga.”  but i don’t care.  if u will, stop reading and go away.

if u wont, LET THE PARTY BEGIN!  to the tune of lil flip’s ‘game over’ (an oldie, and a generally terrible song, but ‘flip’ and ‘dick’ rhyme too well to ignore)!

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