Category Archives: kill yourself expeditiously

one of the worst cases of child abuse ive heard of in awhile.

thanks (i guess?) to dre for this.

 

New dad names daughter Sarah McCain Palin

ELIZABETHTON, Tenn. — A new father has secretly named his baby girl Sarah McCain Palin after the Republican ticket for president and vice president.

Mark Ciptak of Elizabethton put that name on the documents for the girl’s birth certificate, ignoring the name Ava Grace, which he and his wife had picked earlier.

“I don’t think she believes me yet,” he told the Kingsport Times-News for a story to be published Tuesday. “It’s going to take some more convincing.”

Ciptak, a blood bank employee for the American Red Cross, said he named his third child after John McCain and Sarah Palin to “to get the word out” about the campaign.

“I took one for the cause,” he said. “I can’t give a lot of financial support for the (McCain/Palin) campaign. I do have a sign up in my yard, but I can do very little.”

 

….seriously, id divorce his ass for this, take him to the cleaners, and donate all the loot to Barack*.  what a doosh.

 

*im lyin, i’d buy a jacuzzi.

 |src|

“when you say teenage, how old you talkin?”

OH, R. KELLY, YOU BABY-PEEIN MOTHERFUCKER.

yo. i hate r. kelly man. i fucking hate r. kelly. i just watched his “interview” on BET, and as soon as i finish this blog entry, im gonna go email toure and ask him how robert kelly’s ass tastes, because that vacant-eyed bastard was in his shit aaaall niiiiight long! (note: that’s an exaggeration, but if you factor in my hatred of r.kelly, then its VERY accurate). i mean dude! off top, first question should have been:

“so, r. kelly–why did you pee on that baby?”

second question:

“why you lie like that wasn’t you on that tape?”

the third question i’d address to the NAACP, et. al:

“why in wet water-sporting rubber-sheeted hell did you simple bitches give an image award to this joker AFTER it was establish that he likes to pee on babies? THAT WAS HIS IMAGE! a baby-pisser! do u know u gave out an award for baby-pissing??’

fourth question would be addressed to all of america, right into the camera:

hey kids!  get your very own r. kelly doll, now with spastic kungfu bladder!

hey kids! get your very own r. kelly doll, now with spastic kungfu bladder!

“…WHAT IN THE BALLS?!”

TOURE! YOU SOFT, N!GGA! I FEEL ASHAMED ON YOUR MOTHER’S BEHALF! you shoulda crucified that ol barely legal, call-me-daddy, sex zoo singin, functionally illiterate, kid pissing sumbitch.
in response to why people were charging that there were issues with kelly to look for (by his brother and employees), r’s explanation was basically that they were mad because he fired them. everybody wants a piece of r. kelly, he said, and when he doesn’t give it to them, they take it. don’t listen to them, he says.

..N!GGA. WE AINT LISTENIN TO THEM. WE LISTENIN TO THE VIDEOTAPE THAT YO ASS WAS IN, PEEIN ON BABIES ALL WILLY NILLY. WE SAW IT. EVERYBODY FUCKING SAW IT. digitized mole my big, supple, soft, deliciously moisturized ASS!

oh, and the crowning glory, my loves. toure asks him if he likes teenagers. kell’s response:

“when you say teenage, how old you talkin?”

….DAMNATION!

oh, and check THIS shit out. he kept talkin abt how this episode has made him stronger and strengthened his writing skills.

YOU CANT READ. BY PROXY, YOU DONT HAVE NO WRITING SKILLS. LITERALLY.

okay, that last bit was 100% grade A hate, no fillers, no chasers. but fuck him, yo! he deserves it! i hate r. kelly! pied piper. PIED FKING PIPER! like…. $@$!@#$!#$%$^

let me get out of this entry and go find somebody with some pressure pills b/c mine is UP right now, i swear to bob.

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internet douchebags revealed: mr. cool ice

from wunderkraut.com

from wunderkraut.com

so every blog entry or article or photo montage of terrible tattoos that ive ever seen has included this guy. his name (clearly) is mr. cool ice. i saw him again today while scrolling through this slideshow and finally decided to google and find out exactly who this jerkwad is.

apparently there’s a video of him out there, talking abt himself and basically explaining the fuckery that covers his body and entire life, by proxy. cept it was in german. this guy got somebody to translate it though, so if you were as curious as i have been, praise the baby moses, cause here’s your answers, you bastards. quick fact sheet:

-he spent over 6 thousand US dollars on that dumb shit. do you know what i could do with 6 thousand US dollars? i could buy 60,000 pieces of penny candy and fill my room with them and jump and dive and swim around in it like Scrooge McDuck used to do. and that would be money far better spent.

-he’s been going by the name ‘mr. cool ice’ for 13 years. my guess is that he adopted it in the days of Vanilla Ice’s reign and really ran with it. that’s about as smart as me getting ‘HD-DVD’ tatted on my ass. that is not always going to be the hot shit, brother, i regret to inform you.

-he’s german. oddly enough, that kind of explains all this for me.

the best thing about this guy’s existance is that his shit-ass name reminds me of the Cool Dr. Money episode on ‘my brother and me.’ lol remember that show? when dee dee got that wack ass haircut?

we tryna buy back our 40 acres (c) kanye

but hotdamnit.. THIS IS NOT THE WAY TO DO IT

join me in thinking of better things he could have done with the money he spent on his eye, shall we? 

-a really, really big gift certificate to Cracker Barrell

-a shitload of various & sundry meat and cheese trays

-drugs, booze, or other self-medicating materials to dull the pain of having lost that eye in the first place

-the ‘hell date’ midgets

-many t-shirts that say ‘I MAY HAVE LOST MY EYE BUT I AM STILL A MAN AND I DONT HAVE TO BUY A 100K DIAMOND EYE TO PROVE IT’

-an actor to pretend to be his father to give him all the hugs his real dad never did as a child

-lots & lots of disease-free whores

-even more potentially diseased whores (the fun part is not knowing what they have!)

-the masters to all of Disco Rick’s songs

things that will unfortunately not appear on this list:  validation, common sense, a functioning eye, rhyming ability.

im filing this one under ‘kill yourself expeditiously.’