Category Archives: movies

dear aretha franklin:

AAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHHAHAHHAHHAHAHAAHHAH!!!!!!!

Aretha Franklin: Halle Berry Should Portray Me In Film

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dear Tyler Perry:

work your voodoo magic and make sure that this becomes the official poster for your adaptation of  ‘For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide When the Rainbow is Enuf.’

im already worried about how the adaptation is going to turn out.  at least give us something to look forward to and be hopeful for!

but really, this is an amazing piece of work infinitely talented young artist Tatyana Fazlalizdeh (reach her via twitter here), currently stationed in Philadelphia.  we’re trying to drum up enough internet  buzz for the right folks to see it, so please tweet it, blog it, tumblr it, digg it, facebook it, or whatever you young interweb whippersnappers do.

hurry up!  we’ve started without you!

‘this is it’: a slightly emo review

sooooooooo.  went to check out MJ’s ‘This is It’ last night.  i guess i don’t have to worry about spoiling the film because we all know how it ends 😦

there’s actually not too much to say about the actual film footage.  it was what it was: a nicely edited collection of video recorded rehearsals of what was to be his sold out 50 performance show.  it is edited in such a way that you feel like you feel like you’re being taken through the show, starting at the first song michael wanted to do and ending with the song he chose to close.  mike says that he’s not really singing because he has to save his voice, and it looks like he’s putting forth little effort when it actually comes to singing.  but light singing for mike is normal singing for anyone else, and i didn’t realize that he wasn’t really giving it his all til he said so.  we get to see what the set design would have looked like and the vignettes that would have been shown throughout the show.  it was neat.  and it was sad, because u do know how the story ends.  its sort of like watching captured video of the first 8 months of a woman’s pregnancy, all the excitement and preparation, all the while knowing that that baby would never ever take its first breath.

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‘Tropic Thunder:’ a review

in the harsh, sun-drowned thickets of vietnam (north or south, i can’t remember), a helicopter carrying the remains of the hopeful spirits of a rescue mission shivers and whirrs a dirge for the lost life of Seargent Four Leaf Tayback.  the youngest pair of eyes on board the chopper searches the leaves as it begins to lift off, a prayer dancing in their centers.  just as it looks like Tayback is forever lost in the belly of the leafy monster, he emerges, covered in sweat and struggle from the brush.

almost immediately, he is pierced with one bullet, then another, and another as he stomps determinedly to the chopper.  he should have fallen and died immediately, but ever the trooper he presses on and on and on as his comrade in arms, Sgt. Osiris (Robert Downey Jr.), utters one command under his breath:  ‘survive.’

and that, ladies and gentlemen, is where i freaking LOST IT.  less than 5 minutes into the movie and i’m doubled over in my seat crying w/ laughter, literally.  thing abt it is i didnt even hear him when he first said ‘survive;’ i turned to my movie buddy and had to ask him what he said and when he repeated it, the concept of somebody saying ‘survive’ while watching their homie get killed was so absurd that it just killed me inside.  he didnt say ‘don’t you die on me!!’ or scream ‘NOOOOOOOOO!’ like they always do in war movies.  this faux-nigga said ‘survive.’  i was done.

& the laughs just kept comin one after another after that.  if u haven’t seen ‘tropic thunder’ yet, go see it now.  dont even read the rest of this review.  its good.  its AWESOME.  dont be a loser all your life!  GO SEE IT!

quick plot synopsis:  an actor bordering on has-beendom, a rapper trying to break into the acting world, a method actor who would probably willingly kill himself while prepping for a role, and a flatulant heroine-addicted comedian sign on to make a movie, a war flick based on the amazing life of army hero Four Leaf Tayback.  in an effort to get some real acting outta them, the director and Tayback himself decide to drop the main characters in the middle of the Vietnam jungle in an area rigged with faux explosives and cameras.  in the midst of it all, the actors are forced to become (literally) the characters they portray when they get kidnapped for reals, yo.

first, i gotta say that robert downey jr. was my FAVORITE part of this movie.  this + iron man = RDJ at the tops of my favorite actors list, crack or no crack.  i guess i should address the whole black face thing:

so the fuck what!

alright, now that i got that out of the way, i will say in seriousness that i hope that all the ppl who were angry abt it will understand it once they see the film.  its a parody of how seriously method actors take themselves, and also (in my humble opinion), a prime example of how ridiculous it is when the roles of ethnic characters are given to white actors, totally overlooking completely capable ethnic actors (I’M LOOKIN AT YOU, JOHN WAYNE’S MOVIES!!).  it makes me very sad that not enough black folk understand parody/satire (I’M LOOKING AT YOU, PEOPLE WHO GOT MAD ABOUT THAT ‘READ A BOOK’ SONG!!).  so yeah, i didnt give a shit abt the blackface.  and scratch that, ima stop callin it blackface.  this is blackface.  this wasnt.

so anyway, RDJ stole the show, largely due to his facial expressions.  hilarious.  i dont even have anything else to say about them.  just plain hilarious.  most of my laughing tears came from him.

& not to sell the rest of the cast short, ben stiller has returned to his something-about-mary kind of funniness and jack black killed it, and he didn’t even touch a guitar or sing once during the whole movie!  the guy who played Alpa Chino was good too.  i think he held his own well in a cast of super huge super big stars; its hard to stand out among the likes of downey, stiller, & black, but he did very well.  as did that other little skinny kid whose name i can’t remember.

i have to say that the biggest, most fulfilling surprise in this flick came from a cameo in the form of a greasy, balding, fat, foulmouthed tom cruise who i had NO idea was in this movie.  i was reading up on it, and apparently in november 2007, some pictures of cruise on the set were leaked & lawsuits were threatened b/c stiller really, really wanted it to be a surprise for movie goers.  he at least got me because i was really surprised; i read a review of the movie in a local paper and it mentioned cruise’s name, but i was like ‘wtf, he’s not in this movie, he aint in the promos nowhere.’  good job, guys.  cruise killed it.  there were lots of other cameos too.. i love cameos.  they’re like finding extra prizes in ur cereal boxes.

when i heard about all the protesting going on over this movie and the use of the ‘r-word’ (“retarded”), i shook my head and said ‘sheesh, people will protest anything.’  i automagically [(c) mreeuh – hi!!!!] assumed that someone had called someone else an ‘r-word’ in passing & ppl got their pannies in a bunch over little to nothing.  but… yeah.  even i had to shake my head over the treatment of mental handicappedness in the movie.  you know those laughs that make you feel like you’re going to hell because you’re laughing at something really inappropriate?  yeah.  it induced that kind of laughing.  and they didnt just say it once, but like, repeatedly.  in a very short time frame, even

overall though, man.. this was a really, really fun time.  i dont see any movies that become must-haves for my sorry ass DVD collection, but this is most certainly one.

i give it 5 outta 5 donkins!  GO SEE IT!!

*pic source

BmcP review: ‘Ironman’

a 'juggernaut' extra??

“can’t you see my fuckin outfit?  im a part-time stripper AND i do hair.”

arright.

so i went to see ‘ironman’ at the moobies saturday.  i went with someone else, and i can’t really say that i would have made a move to go see this one alone; i dont know anything abt the comic its based on, and didnt even know such a character existed til i started seein promos for this movie.  i wasn’t moved by ’em.  if ida picked the flick that day, i prolly wlda been tryna see what happens to jesus the lion in the next narnia flick.

but let’s focus here.  this aint abt caspian & nem, its about the great transformation of this guy to this guy:

 wOw.  u cant see a trace of the cocaine, valium, alcohol, bi-polarness, or that album of his that nobody heard.  impressive!  screw whatever downey did between his last arrest in 2000 and now; Ironman is definitely his comeback.  also, a note to the fellas:  gray hair is *hot.*  see how boo boo is workin it up there?  put the ‘just for men’ down and accept it.  thanks.

as previously stated, i had no knowledge of the Ironman character before this film.  while watching, though, i was pretty sure i could make a good guess at its origins.  in the film, downey is mechanics whiz tony stark, maker of some of the most kill-ass weapons in the world.  while in a place that one could only call Nameless Terroristville, Middle East, stark gets kidnapped, saved by a muslim doctor who hooks his ticker up to a magnet and a car battery to keep schrapnel from gettin in there and killin him til he’s dead, and then ordered by guys who are probably billed in the credits as Terrorist 1 and Terrorist 2 to build his latest, most terrifying weapon yet:  the Jericho missile. 

now i thought this missile was totally made up, but it turns out that they do exist, though not in the o-god-i-just-peed-myself kind of way that they did in the movie.  i mean the stuff on the wiki page does not sound pleasant, but in the movie?  man, this shit was like.. okay, so the thing fired, right, and it goes all high up in the sky, and then–i kid you not–the bitch GIVES BIRTH in mid-air.  so then its just like, raining nuclear warheads and shit, i swear. 

see? told you.

it was terrifying.  NOBODY should have one of these things, not even the god blessed US of A, and in the movie, not only do we have them, but Johnny B. Terrorist will soon have one too.  holy fuckballs, this can’t be good.

here’s where i decided that the Ironman comic probably debuted during the Vietnam war when everybody was all like, ‘boooo weapons are bad, no war, booooooo!’ cause there’s a clear anti-war and anti-blowing motherfuckers up message in the movie.  switch out afganistan for vietnam and bam.  i was so right.

so while he’s there being held captive in the cave with his friendly doctoral sidekick, he instead draws up plans to build a superfantastically devistating suit of armor to get his ass up outta there instead of building the missile.  of course those wacky terrorists are none the wiser, because they STOOPID!  they totally had no idea that he was welding some iron draws instead of a huge iron maiden of death!  ha!  go america!  tony gets his draws on and totally kills the hell out of the terrorist with his big ol cuban missile arms and whatnot and he escapes and gets rescued and gets back to the states with a new outlook on life.  he sorta noticed that he was profitting from the death of hugillions of people and maybe sorta kinda went crazy a little bit (but not as crazy as Serah Winchester went with the guilt of all the people who had been murdered by Winchester rifles) and decided to shut down the business that had turned him into a multi-billion dollar vagina magnet.  he then spends copious amounts of time perfecting his suit and getting splooged in the face by his robot assistants (it’ll make sense when you see the film).  while all this is goin on, the trademark evil villian surfaces and the foundation is laid for a fight to the death, like with any good comic book flick.  and yes, there’s also the must-have moment when the villian has our hero’s life in the palm of his hand and takes like 20 minutes to rundown his entire life story and go over the blueprints for his plan to destroy the world, and then leaves with the heart-warming assumption that the hero will be dead in a matter of minutes… without actually staying and making sure that it happens.  villians are stupid, yo.

anyway, good vs evil, yaddah yaddah, happy ending.

now.  here’s what i really liked about this movie:

1 – EXPLOSIONS.  who doesnt like seein shit get blown up?!  you’re guaranteed lots of flaming terrorists here folks.  you can’t lose with burning terrorists.

2 – Tony Stark.  jeez, what an asshole. he’s a sardonic, disrespectful, self-centered, womanizing, money hungry wise ass. and i LOVE HIM. i dunno how they did it! the guy’s a jerk; even after his change of heart, he’s still an ass (he talks HORRIBLY to his helpful robots throughout the movie, for one. how u gon be mean to somethin that was created to faithfully serve you and no one else??) but still manages to be wholly likeable. im still trying to figure it out. i love him though. maybe this is robert downey jr’s newfound hotness at work, i dunno.

3 – A human superhero!  i mean.. guys who just wake up and can magically fly are cool, i guess.  and guys who use magical webs or really really high-quality grappling hooks to mimic flight are too, i suppose.  but yo.  my man tony stark locked himself up for months MAKING himself extraordinary.  it was refreshing to see him goin through trial and error, tryin to perfect his shit and sometimes almost dying cause of some shit he did wrong.  i mean it wasnt refreshing cause he almost died.. he was just very relatable.  AND a fucking genius!  not only did dude build iron draws with the ability to kill an entire village, he made that shit FLY and designed a new super electro-whateveritwas called heart to keep him alive FOREVER. 

!!!  

i mean, those little pansies in tights who are born with the ability to fly?  how impressive is that?  all u gotta do is avoid green glowing rocks and ur good.  that aint hard!  just like the movie’s slogan says, ‘heroes arent born, they’re built.’  that gives the everyman the impression that he, too, can build a suit of iron and blow shit the fuck up.  and who doesnt want to feel that way??  i know i do!  i have a list.  i know just who i’d start with (YES, IM LOOKING AT YOU WOMAN WHO SMOKES IN THE BATHROOM EVEN THOUGH SHE’S NOT SUPPOSED TO).

3 – THE JUGGERNAUT, BITCH!  maan there were just so many prime opportunites to scream out quotes from My Way Entertainment’s classic viral Juggernaut video.  i did it the whole movie.  the whole movie

“YEAH, ITS THE JUGGANAUT, BITCH!”

“im made outta laffy taffy, motherfucker!”

i can’t go into too much detail about what i liked most about the film cause it might could contain some spoilers and i dont wanna ruin it for anybody.  if u wanna know, hit the comments and i’ll email it to you, if either of us cares that much by then.  lol

overall, i thought it was dope.  fantastic explosions laced with some sick guitar riffs and a very, very sexy robert downey jr.  i give this flick 3 out of 4 stars.  a semi-nude shot of downey wlda gotten it to four.  i swear ima get me a white man one day.

*Ironman stills are from this trailer @ imdb.  Juggernaut stills are from the vid hosted @ dankster.org.

does oscar still love good impersonations?

if so, jamie foxx could very well be up for another one.  he’ll be starring as mike tyson in a biopic about the crazed allah-loving, child eating boxer according to starpulse.com, which im sure is an insanely reliable source.

 id be more interested in a flick about the life and times of Carl ‘The Tooth’ Williams.. i feel like that’ll take more acting chops than a whimsical 2 hr impersonation.