Category Archives: reality tv

The Real Housewives of Civil Rights.

just watch it.
just watch it.

i stood up and did the slow clap in real life after this.


(thanks to @heyerinevans for this!)

aunt bunny’s money shot.

yall know what a money shot is.  right?  it’s the moment that makes all the time spent watching or looking at something worth it.  this can range from the seminal part of a movie to the semen-al part of a skin flick (see what i did there?).  concerning young ladies who take to the pole to work their way through vet school, it’s usually a cooch shot.

and this is what you saw if you tuned in to the season premier of I Know This Aspirin Really Ain’t Gon Kill My Ass Fantasia For Real on VH1.  at the top of the hour, Fantasia decides that it’s a great idea to put her Aunt Bunny (pictured at top) in a pair of booty shorts and take her to her pole dancing class with her.  and let me just get this out of the way:  yes, i absolutely want to take a pole dancing class now.  let me also say that aunt bunny had nothing to do with this decision.  it just looks so freaking fun.  and i can only imagine how sexy id feel after that!  prancin around in heels for an hour or however long??  pssh.  you wouldn’t be able to tell my that my vajayjay aint made of 73 karat gold once i left that class.  anyway.  i digress.

so they go to the class and it’s broads spinnin and flippin and spread eaglin’ every whicha way.  then the instructor shows Tasia and Aunt Bunny a move that consisted of sliding down the pole, puttin your hands on your knees and then bussin it open for the money shot. Tasia did decently i suppose.  here’s Aunt Bunny’s money shot.

…so if the money shot, theoretically, is what brings your paycheck in, we may assume that Aunt Bunny’s performance will bring her some form of the following wages:

  • a $10 Walmart gift card
  • $8.31 and a handful of peppermints from the bottom of Sis. Odell’s good Sunday purse
  • a pack of Newports and a buy one get one free coupon for Tussy
  • some Kiss toenail french tips and a copy of ‘Vampire in Brooklyn’ on VHS
  • half a book of foodstamps
  • a 6-pack of Tab

make that money, aunt bunny.  don’t let it make you.

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dancing with the professional dancers

so this year’s ‘dancing with the stars’ lineup was announced and i kinda scratched my head at it.  i dont really watch the show, but i know enough about it to think that there may be something a little fishy about mya being in this season’s cast.

the girl’s a professional dancer!  right??  that’s her thing.  is that fair to the other contestants, who include a snowboarder, a huge champion mma fighter, a teenage witch and a pair of teeth with legs?  hardly seems fair, no?  they dont mention mya’s training as a dancer on their page.  conspiracy?  cahoots?  it makes one scratch the chin!

everybody seems to be more surprised by former house majority leader tom delay‘s inclusion in the cast, but let me tell you what.  he just may be the one to watch for, because david gregory showed us all on the Today show that fuddy duddies in starched suits can get DOWN with they bad selfs!  matter fact, they should have put *him* in the cast.  id watch every show, faithfully.

real reality rundown: real chance of love + real housewives of atl

okay.  so since i love you guys, i decided long ago that i would watch all the mind-numbing, IQ-killing trashy reality tv so that you won’t have to, thus saving your precious brain cells.  as far as real housewives of ATL goes, this is working out well for me–i LOVE this damn show!!!  oh man.  its full of ridiculousness.  its like a buffet of ignorance and i just can’t get a plate full enough.

as for real chance of love… im struggling there so far.  i thought about trying to watch megan wants a millionaire, but i have to think about myself a little bit.  that’s a little too much like self-harm.

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lol WHAT?!

yeah.  this is another bad girls club entry.

so, i just caught this week’s episode last night.  spoiler:  kayla is gone.  and this, in my opinion, is potentially one of the most shameful exits ive witnessed in reality tv-dom.

at the top of the episode, the girls participate in some challenge where they walk the streets in lingerie and see who can get the shop the most customers or something.  i didnt see all of that part.  i did see that amber m. won, and kayla made this face, signifying that she was upset abt that.  so amber m. gets money, everybody else gets nothing.  whatever tho, it’s seemingly forgotten.

later they take a self-defense class.  they all effectively whoop the holy loving shitfire out of the instructor.  all except for kayla, who seems really timid and insecure and barely even touched the guy.  (take notes, kiddies; there’s a pop quiz later).

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im tired of being the center of attention! (c) naked, drunk, screaming crying girl

so i caught the latest episode of the bad girls’ club on oxygen, and i think its been the most substantial yet.  (editor’s note:  i am very ashamed that i just referred to something in the world of trashy reality tv as ‘substantial.’  i will have a long talk with God about this at my earliest convenience).  the past episodes have pretty much been chock full of screaming, crying bitchfights.  this episode contained… screaming, crying bitchfights.  BUT!  the ones doing the bitchfighting were a bit different this time, and i had the *uber* pleasure of seeing the screamingest, cryingest, bitchfightingest one finally get shut the fuck down and shut the fuck up for once.

before we laugh at that hen though, let’s laugh at this one!

this is the slightly less annoying amber who is uncontrollably attracted to douchebags and drama when it comes to the male sex.  so she finds some completely disgusting-faced dick at a bar who has arms the size of fucking tree logs, i swear to bob, who she says she likes because he reminds her of her ex, who was also a douche.  okay, whatever.  so she takes dude home with her or invites him over one night or something and i mean, this dude REALLY sucks.  he just sucks.  he looks stupid and says stupid things and looks REALLY stupid and he just sucks.  oh, he also lives with his ex-girlfriend.  LOL.  knowing this,  guess who gives it up?

bust it baby amber!  wooooooooooo!

that’s not the best part though.  the best part comes the next day when she’s surrounded by all the girls venting, pretty much talkin about how she’s too good for him and this that and the other, and their rationale is pretty much ‘you didnt fuck him, so you have all the power.’

BWAAAHAHAHAAA!  this broad was all on nightvision camera, face down ass up & everything.  but she just nodded her head like ‘yeah, no, of course i didnt give it up!’  even got a blog talkin abt how she kept her legs closed.  lol.  do you know that this is a tv show??  did no one tell her?  does she think that the cameras are actually really big bugs buzzing around or something??

this entry will definitely be filed under ‘LOL @ your life.’  okay, let’s laugh at the other girl now!!

so KC has issues.  inferiority issues, acceptance issues.  just issues all over the damn place.  she’s definitely the most dramatic, the loudest, the angriest.  she came up in the house like ‘i’m runnin these little girls around here, fuck that.’  and for the most part she kinda did.  she sure didnt last nite tho!

tiffany, the other black girl in the house, has been pretty calm and quiet, and in this episode she explains why:  ‘ive been quiet because i dont argue, i FIGHT.’  her patience had apparently been growin short w/ KC and it came to a head when KC completely bitchflipped after her dress ripped while they were out @ a club.  lol yo.. this broad gets in the limo and takes her clothes off.  all of them.  she is ass nekkid in the limo, screamin, cryin, mad at all the girls like they pulled them off her or somethin.  tiff tries to get her to stfu and KC–naked, screaming, flailing completely of her own will KC–says:

i’m tired of being the center of attention!

l.  o.  l.  she either doesnt know the definition of ‘irony’ or was too naked to appreciate it that night.  but come on.  really?

this was pretty much tiffany’s reaction and when they get home, she lets KC HAVE IT.  all the other chicks in the house are scared of her, iont care what they say.  they scared.  tiff went straight back to chicago tho, took her shoes off, squared up and omg.

KC got quiet!


seriously, she made this face: 

and then she softly said to tiffany:  “goodnight.”

to which tiff replied:  I AINT GOIN TO SLEEP, BITCH.

lmao.  i loved it.  i loved it a little too much.

am i still the only one watching this show??

the trying-to-fill-big-shoes girls club

two episodes into the new season of ‘the bad girls club’ and im making this face:

i mean its not that its boring.  it’s got the makings of good soap opera fodder.  its just not tanisha running around bangin pots & pans & imploring everybody to pop off, or nasty ass whats-her-face pissing in sinks and juice cartons.  lol.  i wldnt call the new chicks ‘bad’ necessarily.  or maybe its just that i wldnt call them ‘bad’ compared to the girls from last season.  this season’s group is… annoying.  really annoying.  they yell and scream and cry over nothing all the damn time.  ugh.

i wonder if its maybe because the girls seem so much younger this season than last?  i mean all of them look and act like they’re in their early 20s, and that’s what girls in their early 20s (typically & stereotypically) do.  yell, cry, scream, and cry.  i dont know how old tanesha nem were, but they seemed older, and one of the chicks from the season before, in my opinion, was pushin her late 30s & lyin about it.  lol. 

i dunno.  so far its corny compared to last season.  but i think anything would be after all those shenanigans.

im gonna watch anyway though 😦  lol 

a quick rundown of this season’s brats:

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petition to let people fight on reality tv shows.

dear reality tv show industry:

what the fuck, man? 

okay, so.  shit happens in life.  people get crushes and fall in love and have babies.  people get crushes and have one night stands and have pregnancy scares.  people fuck.  a lot.  all the time.  people deal with illnesses and and addiction and grief.  people get fat and lose weight and sometimes get fat again.  people go completely, totally, batshit nutjob crazy insane.  people pretend to be attracted to old unattractive semi-washed up hip hop icons to get ahead.  this is life.  this is reality.  and as such, it’s all shit that we see on reality tv everynight, from mtv’s the real world to the biggest loser to celebrity rehab with dr drew (who just may have a little bit of sex appeal to him, but i havent decided yet.  i digress) to age/rock/flavor of love.  this is life, and this is what us voyuers want to see.  we need to believe that it isnt scripted, even when it so plainly is (I’M LOOKING AT YOU, THE HILLS).  we need to believe that no one knows the cameras are there, even during those little interviews where you prompt participants with the necessary questions to make a good show.  we need to feel like we’re perched high up in a tree planted right smake in the middle of the open, unfenced fields of these people’s minds, that we’re flies on their walls, that what we’re seeing on screen would actually happen in real life.  because that’s the point, right?  reality tv.  reality is happy, its sad.  it’s dancing and being danced with.  its singing, its crying, it being disagreed with.  sometimes its being called a “nigger;” sometimes it’s being spat upon.  often following that, it’s having one’s ass beat for spitting upon someone or calling someone a “nigger.”

and that’s where shit becomes COMPLETELY unrealistic.

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marjorie nooooooooo


laaaawd why yall didnt tell me??!  i havent seen the show in weeks!  i happen to tune in to the last half hour of the finale and this is what im greeted with??!  precious lord, take my hand!!

like, i barely REMEMBER these two broads left.  the runway show?  they were TERRIBLE!  just stompin around up there like a couple of drunk yeti!  and freakin mckey?  i have no idea what her face looks like because i cant get past those parachutes she’s passing off as ears.  ugh.  i am outraged.  OUTRAGED!!!!

so yeah, i didnt see the ep where the was exed, but im readin abt it @ wikipedia and it says she won the challenge that episode.  what the frick?  how you win the challenge but lose at life??!  smh.  i just dont understand it.

its okay tho boo.  you got more talent in your awkward little pinkies than this two chicks have in their entire lives and personalities.  we gon see you again!

oh, btw, the winner this cycle is…


what in the damn shitty assed name of blasphemous hellfire is this.

this season BLEW.


milf from real chance of love looks like hatchet face from ‘crybaby.’