Category Archives: reviews

hair stuff! naturallycurly.com’s Curlarita: a review

(note:  this will be a very long post about natural hair products.  if you have no interest, or are a bit ADD, or are baldheaded, or are rocking a house of dereon lacefront (not hatin, just sayin), you may wanna abandon ship.)

since this blog isn’t about me, i haven’t said much about my holidays.  they were great.  i ate a lot of food, hugged lots of folks, did a lot of badly needed cleaning, and got some great gifts.  one of those gifts was, like, the greatest gift i’ve ever gotten given my current obsession with hair products after going natural almost two years ago  (i suck at this hair typing thing, but i’ve decided that my hair is at least closest to 3C, for the record).

one of my favorite websites to e-window shop is Curl Mart at NaturallyCurly.com.  jokingly, i sent the wishlist  made there to a couple of people.  on that wishlist was a couple of things i needed, like a new bottle of DevaCurl’s No-Poo and a Denman brush since i lost mine while ago.  also on the list:  NC’s hyper expensive Curlarita, a product kit tailored for 3C hair (they make these kits, called curly cocktails, for all hair types).  it’s like $70.  crazy, right?  right.  i ask for ridiculously priced stuff all the time, but i never expect to get any of it.  so when i woke up Christmas morning and found that my mom had bought me every single item on that wishlist??!!  i put my head inside the box it all came in and screamed for half a minute.  that is by no means an exaggeration.

since i’m broke these days, i haven’t had any chances to splurge on any new products to review.  when i got this stuff i immediately wanted to run to wash my hair so i could try it out, but since it was Christmas and people would be in my house looking at me within a few hours, i had already washed, conditioned, and detangled the night before.  so i had to wait until it was time to shampoo again (i use a sulfate shampoo about once a week), and then i decided i’d wait another week after putting the new stuff in my hair to do some good observing and see how it performs.  it has been almost 1 week exactly.  reviews commence now!

the booty! (santa's booty not included)

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the fattest thing i ever ate: a review.

if you are well versed in internets, you know about the bacon obsession swimming around the foodie world.  if there’s any random product, edible or otherwise, that  you’d like to see injected with bacon, somebody in the internets has probably had the same thought, and made it happen.  bacon salt.  bacon mayonnaise.  bacon mints.  bacon in a bottle.  bacon envelopes. bacon bra.   you dream it, it’s probably out there.

i was perusing the aisles of my favorite snazzy wine spot the other day  and was looking at all the bourgie artisan snacks and treats they also carry.  they specialize in dry meats (*snicker*) and stinky cheese.  i have little interest in either.  i DO have an interest in chocolate though.  i also have an interest in bacon.  my mind was sort of blown when i saw this:

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‘this is it’: a slightly emo review

sooooooooo.  went to check out MJ’s ‘This is It’ last night.  i guess i don’t have to worry about spoiling the film because we all know how it ends 😦

there’s actually not too much to say about the actual film footage.  it was what it was: a nicely edited collection of video recorded rehearsals of what was to be his sold out 50 performance show.  it is edited in such a way that you feel like you feel like you’re being taken through the show, starting at the first song michael wanted to do and ending with the song he chose to close.  mike says that he’s not really singing because he has to save his voice, and it looks like he’s putting forth little effort when it actually comes to singing.  but light singing for mike is normal singing for anyone else, and i didn’t realize that he wasn’t really giving it his all til he said so.  we get to see what the set design would have looked like and the vignettes that would have been shown throughout the show.  it was neat.  and it was sad, because u do know how the story ends.  its sort of like watching captured video of the first 8 months of a woman’s pregnancy, all the excitement and preparation, all the while knowing that that baby would never ever take its first breath.

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‘Tropic Thunder:’ a review

in the harsh, sun-drowned thickets of vietnam (north or south, i can’t remember), a helicopter carrying the remains of the hopeful spirits of a rescue mission shivers and whirrs a dirge for the lost life of Seargent Four Leaf Tayback.  the youngest pair of eyes on board the chopper searches the leaves as it begins to lift off, a prayer dancing in their centers.  just as it looks like Tayback is forever lost in the belly of the leafy monster, he emerges, covered in sweat and struggle from the brush.

almost immediately, he is pierced with one bullet, then another, and another as he stomps determinedly to the chopper.  he should have fallen and died immediately, but ever the trooper he presses on and on and on as his comrade in arms, Sgt. Osiris (Robert Downey Jr.), utters one command under his breath:  ‘survive.’

and that, ladies and gentlemen, is where i freaking LOST IT.  less than 5 minutes into the movie and i’m doubled over in my seat crying w/ laughter, literally.  thing abt it is i didnt even hear him when he first said ‘survive;’ i turned to my movie buddy and had to ask him what he said and when he repeated it, the concept of somebody saying ‘survive’ while watching their homie get killed was so absurd that it just killed me inside.  he didnt say ‘don’t you die on me!!’ or scream ‘NOOOOOOOOO!’ like they always do in war movies.  this faux-nigga said ‘survive.’  i was done.

& the laughs just kept comin one after another after that.  if u haven’t seen ‘tropic thunder’ yet, go see it now.  dont even read the rest of this review.  its good.  its AWESOME.  dont be a loser all your life!  GO SEE IT!

quick plot synopsis:  an actor bordering on has-beendom, a rapper trying to break into the acting world, a method actor who would probably willingly kill himself while prepping for a role, and a flatulant heroine-addicted comedian sign on to make a movie, a war flick based on the amazing life of army hero Four Leaf Tayback.  in an effort to get some real acting outta them, the director and Tayback himself decide to drop the main characters in the middle of the Vietnam jungle in an area rigged with faux explosives and cameras.  in the midst of it all, the actors are forced to become (literally) the characters they portray when they get kidnapped for reals, yo.

first, i gotta say that robert downey jr. was my FAVORITE part of this movie.  this + iron man = RDJ at the tops of my favorite actors list, crack or no crack.  i guess i should address the whole black face thing:

so the fuck what!

alright, now that i got that out of the way, i will say in seriousness that i hope that all the ppl who were angry abt it will understand it once they see the film.  its a parody of how seriously method actors take themselves, and also (in my humble opinion), a prime example of how ridiculous it is when the roles of ethnic characters are given to white actors, totally overlooking completely capable ethnic actors (I’M LOOKIN AT YOU, JOHN WAYNE’S MOVIES!!).  it makes me very sad that not enough black folk understand parody/satire (I’M LOOKING AT YOU, PEOPLE WHO GOT MAD ABOUT THAT ‘READ A BOOK’ SONG!!).  so yeah, i didnt give a shit abt the blackface.  and scratch that, ima stop callin it blackface.  this is blackface.  this wasnt.

so anyway, RDJ stole the show, largely due to his facial expressions.  hilarious.  i dont even have anything else to say about them.  just plain hilarious.  most of my laughing tears came from him.

& not to sell the rest of the cast short, ben stiller has returned to his something-about-mary kind of funniness and jack black killed it, and he didn’t even touch a guitar or sing once during the whole movie!  the guy who played Alpa Chino was good too.  i think he held his own well in a cast of super huge super big stars; its hard to stand out among the likes of downey, stiller, & black, but he did very well.  as did that other little skinny kid whose name i can’t remember.

i have to say that the biggest, most fulfilling surprise in this flick came from a cameo in the form of a greasy, balding, fat, foulmouthed tom cruise who i had NO idea was in this movie.  i was reading up on it, and apparently in november 2007, some pictures of cruise on the set were leaked & lawsuits were threatened b/c stiller really, really wanted it to be a surprise for movie goers.  he at least got me because i was really surprised; i read a review of the movie in a local paper and it mentioned cruise’s name, but i was like ‘wtf, he’s not in this movie, he aint in the promos nowhere.’  good job, guys.  cruise killed it.  there were lots of other cameos too.. i love cameos.  they’re like finding extra prizes in ur cereal boxes.

when i heard about all the protesting going on over this movie and the use of the ‘r-word’ (“retarded”), i shook my head and said ‘sheesh, people will protest anything.’  i automagically [(c) mreeuh – hi!!!!] assumed that someone had called someone else an ‘r-word’ in passing & ppl got their pannies in a bunch over little to nothing.  but… yeah.  even i had to shake my head over the treatment of mental handicappedness in the movie.  you know those laughs that make you feel like you’re going to hell because you’re laughing at something really inappropriate?  yeah.  it induced that kind of laughing.  and they didnt just say it once, but like, repeatedly.  in a very short time frame, even

overall though, man.. this was a really, really fun time.  i dont see any movies that become must-haves for my sorry ass DVD collection, but this is most certainly one.

i give it 5 outta 5 donkins!  GO SEE IT!!

*pic source

back from vacation! :: nexxus extreme moisture review

ni hao, suckerpunks!

sorry for the huge dry spell, but i was in my glorious birthstate for 11 days and i just got back recently. 

home was great!  i got to see my brand spankin new waaaay more adorable than you nephew!  he’s pretty much the best baby ever.  like seriously.  think of your favorite baby.  your own, if you have any.  gather up a good estimate of that baby’s cuteness, adorableness, and awesomeness.  got it?  k.  now roll it all up together and knead it around a bit.  grab a rolling pin, dust it with some flower, & roll it out, not too thin.  throw it in the oven for a bit, about an hour at 350 degrees.  when it’s golden brown & delicious looking, take it out, and then THROW IT ON THE GROUND AND STEP ON IT!!!!!!  that is your baby’s deliciousness compared to my little morsel of perfection.  id post a picture but with all the stalkers he’s gonna have once he grows teeth and becomes President of the Whole Fracking World, he needs this precious time to rest.  and grow teeth. 

so anyway, home was awesome.  i love Kentucky.  i’ll post more abt that later, and maybe some pictures if I can drum some up.

in the mean and inbetween, ive decided to start doing product reviews here.  this blog isnt about me, of course, but yo.  i have a problem.  i officially divorced myself from the white man’s creamy crack back in june (or july?) & since then i’ve been going absolutely nuts trying out every single hair product i read about trying to find out what works well for my hair.  i dont know what to do with this shit!  its naturally curly (which i didnt know until i was like 20 years old), and after 14 years of perming & dealing with straight (and luxurious and silky and delicious.. my shit was LAID lemme tell you!!!!!) hair, i am *so lost*.  so ive developed a new addiction, one so severe that my heroin habit is jealous of it.  i can’t stop buying hair shit.  i cant.  i just cant.  i dropped $50 yesterday at curlmart.com, and before that i had to fight myself not to go crazy in the hairstore downstairs.  yeah, did i mention that there is a hairstore IN THE DAMN BUILDING I WORK IN??!  i think this is what jesus felt like when loosifuh took him to the mountaintop.  except jesus was waaay better at saying ‘no.’ 

I WILL SLAP YOU!!

Satan: 'Jesus, come on, yo! Afrobella says that new Motions Marula hair balm is the bomb!' Jesus: 'I WILL SLAP YOU!!'

anyway.  i at least try to research products very well before i buy them, but sometimes i cant find many reviews on something ive seen, if any at all.  so, in the name of more product reviews for product slutbags like myself, im gonna start reviewing the goo gobs of stuff i have here.  it’ll also help me remember which things i’ve liked and which i’ve hated in case i forget one day.  cause i prolly will.

so.  first up:  Nexxus Phyto-Organics Extreme Moisture Theratin Shampoo & Humectin Conditioner.

while at home i was the mall, and while cuttin through JC Penny i passed a bunch of displays of hair stuff near their salon and of COURSE i broke my neck to see what it was, *especially* cause they were havin a buy one get one free sale on all of it (i’ll buy ANYTHING if its BOGO.  what’s that?  buy a dress made of halibut and penicillin?  well, i hate fish & im allergic to penicillin, but IF I GET ONE FREE….!!).  the small bottles of the nexxus extreme moisture stuff were 13.50, so i was like okay, i’ll get a shampoo & get the conditioner free on my way out.. that way if i dont like it, i wont have TOO much to have to get rid of.  i have the thirstiest hair on the planet, so the words ‘extreme moisture’ are like porn to me.  i was excited.  excited in a way i don’t care to discuss during daylight hours.

so i go through the mall, come back, and THE SALE IS OVER!  it was some doorbuster back-to-school shit, so it ended at 3 pm.  i was PISSED!  wasn’t no way i was gonna peel 26 bucks for two little bitty bottles of shampoo & conditioner that may not even work!  luckily tho the lady told me that they then had a two-fer sale:  two bottles, 1 liter each, of the shampoo AND conditioner for 20 bucks total.  i reasoned in my head that if it *does* work i will have gotten the Stoney Jackson of deals (note:  i like Stoney Jackson, so that’s a good thing.  call me, boo!), and if it doesnt work, i can prolly sell it on ebay or somethin.  the 1 liter bottles retailed at 30 a piece there, if i remember correctly (they’re for sale for 21 on the nexxus website now though).

i have to say that i didnt get the Stoney Jackson of deals… i got the MORRIS DAY of deals!!! (note:  i like Morris Day WAAAY more than Stoney Jackson, so this is VERY GOOD!  CALL ME BOO!!)!  i *love* them.  i was wary though, because both the shampoo and conditioner have mineral oil, and the ppl at nappturality were successful at making me terrified of mineral oil.  i really thought about it though, and im alright with it as long as the mineral oily product is put in my hair when wet, b/c the way i see it, and mind you this is just my theory, the problem with mineral oil is that it seals your hair, keeping moisture out of it.  but if it’s put in while wet, it’s also sealing moisture into it, right?  mineral oil hasn’t hurt my hair yet, so im good with it.  i just don’t use anything with mineral oil in it while its dry. 

so, if you’re not afraid of mineral oil, i definitely recommend these products.  the moisture is ridiculous.  and i finally discovered what ‘slip’ means.. i combed out my hair completely and without incident for the first time since ive stopped putting heat on my hair (which has only been abt a month).  and that is HUGE because normally, i can’t get comb nor finger through this stuff.  when i was in the country, a bug got caught in it and of course i automatically assume that it’ll never get out and proceeded to have the largest conniption of my entire life.  it’s a thicket up there.

one thing ive never really understood is the 4a, 3c, 24q hair type stuff.  truth is i’m still not sure.  like it kinda has some properties of 3-somethin, but 4-somethin as well.  i dunno.  i’ll post pics when i can think to, but its really thick.. not exactly coarse, but very *very* thirsty.. & the curls are really coily and springy (the shrinkage in the middle of my head is totally retarded.. around the edges, they stretch a little more, either due to straightening or just differing texture, im not sure yet).  & there are a few tiny pieces of perm that didnt get cut out for whatever reason.  i dont know if that will help anybody at all.  lol

anyway, these really lived up to the ‘extreme moisture’ lable they were given.. to give some contrast, i once tried some pantene bullshit for people with curly hair and HATED it.. after the first lather, i couldn’t feel a single curl in my hair.. the definition was just completely stripped and i had to put so much product in my hair to get it back again.  after that, i deemed herbal essences ‘hello hydration’ shampoo a godsend after i could still feel the curls in my head while washing.  but the nexxus shampoo was 10 times more moisturizing than that was.. i swear my hair felt even curlier and softer *instantly*.. and u know how shampoos with sulfates usually make your hair (or at least my hair) feel at least a little coarser as you lather?  i didnt get that feeling with this at all.. it felt like a really great co-wash that just happened to lather.  i could get a finger through it after the first rinse.  SHOCKING.  and the conditioner of course is just all that times 20.  and it smells nice, too!

this stuff was actually so moisturizing that i was worried that my curls would be dull and lifeless and just loaded down with whatever magic is in those bottles once it dried, but nope!  once i put my product in it, it does what it normally does (which isnt anything impressive in my estimation, but im still tryin to figure out exactly what to do with this stuff so that’s on me).  last night i pre-pood with olive oil for an hour after not washing or co-washing my hair for about 4 days, so there was a good bit of build-up.  i thought that surely id end up having to wash with shampoo in the morning, b/c without a strong cleanser in it, i saw no way that the conditioner would leave any life in it.  wrong again!  after using a fantasia leave-in, carol’s daughter hair milk, and fantasia IC gel with sparkle lites (wtf is a sparkle lite?!), the curls are more defined than they’ve been in quite awhile.  & there’s less frizz than ever.  that’s usually my biggest problem, but this morning i spritzed with water, shook my head & went on about my business, and now that its (nearly) dry, there’s little to no frizz.  amazering!

i’m trying to remember if there’s a cone in either of them, but i cant recall.. i dont think there is though.  i’ll post ingredients when i can think to.  i think its just the mineral oil that i forsee giving pause to any naturals who don’t want to use it in their hair.  i have zero problem with it though.

so in conclusion, i give the nexxus extreme moisture theratin shampoo & humectin conditioner 3.5 donkins on a 4 donkin scale; i docked half a donkin b/c of the mineral oil.  which again, i dont mind, but due to my conditioning after reading of its horrors, my soul would feel completely free to rejoice were it not in there.

 

remember the donkin, btw? i hereby dub him the official BmcP mascot!

yay donkin!  yay nexxus!!

*note – Stoney Jackson appears courtesy of mesdeuxcents.blogspot.com and an immense lack of anywhere better to be.

BmcP review: ‘Ironman’

a 'juggernaut' extra??

“can’t you see my fuckin outfit?  im a part-time stripper AND i do hair.”

arright.

so i went to see ‘ironman’ at the moobies saturday.  i went with someone else, and i can’t really say that i would have made a move to go see this one alone; i dont know anything abt the comic its based on, and didnt even know such a character existed til i started seein promos for this movie.  i wasn’t moved by ’em.  if ida picked the flick that day, i prolly wlda been tryna see what happens to jesus the lion in the next narnia flick.

but let’s focus here.  this aint abt caspian & nem, its about the great transformation of this guy to this guy:

 wOw.  u cant see a trace of the cocaine, valium, alcohol, bi-polarness, or that album of his that nobody heard.  impressive!  screw whatever downey did between his last arrest in 2000 and now; Ironman is definitely his comeback.  also, a note to the fellas:  gray hair is *hot.*  see how boo boo is workin it up there?  put the ‘just for men’ down and accept it.  thanks.

as previously stated, i had no knowledge of the Ironman character before this film.  while watching, though, i was pretty sure i could make a good guess at its origins.  in the film, downey is mechanics whiz tony stark, maker of some of the most kill-ass weapons in the world.  while in a place that one could only call Nameless Terroristville, Middle East, stark gets kidnapped, saved by a muslim doctor who hooks his ticker up to a magnet and a car battery to keep schrapnel from gettin in there and killin him til he’s dead, and then ordered by guys who are probably billed in the credits as Terrorist 1 and Terrorist 2 to build his latest, most terrifying weapon yet:  the Jericho missile. 

now i thought this missile was totally made up, but it turns out that they do exist, though not in the o-god-i-just-peed-myself kind of way that they did in the movie.  i mean the stuff on the wiki page does not sound pleasant, but in the movie?  man, this shit was like.. okay, so the thing fired, right, and it goes all high up in the sky, and then–i kid you not–the bitch GIVES BIRTH in mid-air.  so then its just like, raining nuclear warheads and shit, i swear. 

see? told you.

it was terrifying.  NOBODY should have one of these things, not even the god blessed US of A, and in the movie, not only do we have them, but Johnny B. Terrorist will soon have one too.  holy fuckballs, this can’t be good.

here’s where i decided that the Ironman comic probably debuted during the Vietnam war when everybody was all like, ‘boooo weapons are bad, no war, booooooo!’ cause there’s a clear anti-war and anti-blowing motherfuckers up message in the movie.  switch out afganistan for vietnam and bam.  i was so right.

so while he’s there being held captive in the cave with his friendly doctoral sidekick, he instead draws up plans to build a superfantastically devistating suit of armor to get his ass up outta there instead of building the missile.  of course those wacky terrorists are none the wiser, because they STOOPID!  they totally had no idea that he was welding some iron draws instead of a huge iron maiden of death!  ha!  go america!  tony gets his draws on and totally kills the hell out of the terrorist with his big ol cuban missile arms and whatnot and he escapes and gets rescued and gets back to the states with a new outlook on life.  he sorta noticed that he was profitting from the death of hugillions of people and maybe sorta kinda went crazy a little bit (but not as crazy as Serah Winchester went with the guilt of all the people who had been murdered by Winchester rifles) and decided to shut down the business that had turned him into a multi-billion dollar vagina magnet.  he then spends copious amounts of time perfecting his suit and getting splooged in the face by his robot assistants (it’ll make sense when you see the film).  while all this is goin on, the trademark evil villian surfaces and the foundation is laid for a fight to the death, like with any good comic book flick.  and yes, there’s also the must-have moment when the villian has our hero’s life in the palm of his hand and takes like 20 minutes to rundown his entire life story and go over the blueprints for his plan to destroy the world, and then leaves with the heart-warming assumption that the hero will be dead in a matter of minutes… without actually staying and making sure that it happens.  villians are stupid, yo.

anyway, good vs evil, yaddah yaddah, happy ending.

now.  here’s what i really liked about this movie:

1 – EXPLOSIONS.  who doesnt like seein shit get blown up?!  you’re guaranteed lots of flaming terrorists here folks.  you can’t lose with burning terrorists.

2 – Tony Stark.  jeez, what an asshole. he’s a sardonic, disrespectful, self-centered, womanizing, money hungry wise ass. and i LOVE HIM. i dunno how they did it! the guy’s a jerk; even after his change of heart, he’s still an ass (he talks HORRIBLY to his helpful robots throughout the movie, for one. how u gon be mean to somethin that was created to faithfully serve you and no one else??) but still manages to be wholly likeable. im still trying to figure it out. i love him though. maybe this is robert downey jr’s newfound hotness at work, i dunno.

3 – A human superhero!  i mean.. guys who just wake up and can magically fly are cool, i guess.  and guys who use magical webs or really really high-quality grappling hooks to mimic flight are too, i suppose.  but yo.  my man tony stark locked himself up for months MAKING himself extraordinary.  it was refreshing to see him goin through trial and error, tryin to perfect his shit and sometimes almost dying cause of some shit he did wrong.  i mean it wasnt refreshing cause he almost died.. he was just very relatable.  AND a fucking genius!  not only did dude build iron draws with the ability to kill an entire village, he made that shit FLY and designed a new super electro-whateveritwas called heart to keep him alive FOREVER. 

!!!  

i mean, those little pansies in tights who are born with the ability to fly?  how impressive is that?  all u gotta do is avoid green glowing rocks and ur good.  that aint hard!  just like the movie’s slogan says, ‘heroes arent born, they’re built.’  that gives the everyman the impression that he, too, can build a suit of iron and blow shit the fuck up.  and who doesnt want to feel that way??  i know i do!  i have a list.  i know just who i’d start with (YES, IM LOOKING AT YOU WOMAN WHO SMOKES IN THE BATHROOM EVEN THOUGH SHE’S NOT SUPPOSED TO).

3 – THE JUGGERNAUT, BITCH!  maan there were just so many prime opportunites to scream out quotes from My Way Entertainment’s classic viral Juggernaut video.  i did it the whole movie.  the whole movie

“YEAH, ITS THE JUGGANAUT, BITCH!”

“im made outta laffy taffy, motherfucker!”

i can’t go into too much detail about what i liked most about the film cause it might could contain some spoilers and i dont wanna ruin it for anybody.  if u wanna know, hit the comments and i’ll email it to you, if either of us cares that much by then.  lol

overall, i thought it was dope.  fantastic explosions laced with some sick guitar riffs and a very, very sexy robert downey jr.  i give this flick 3 out of 4 stars.  a semi-nude shot of downey wlda gotten it to four.  i swear ima get me a white man one day.

*Ironman stills are from this trailer @ imdb.  Juggernaut stills are from the vid hosted @ dankster.org.