Category Archives: swagger jacked

since naked FOL girls are all the rage

here’s a helping hand to all the people (and there are a lot of yall lil nasties)  who come to my blog (of all places) lookin for nakey pictures of Candace Cabrera, aka Black from Flavor of Love 3, courtesy of media take out.  typical bikini pics.  no nipples, no vajayjays.  she is topless in a couple, so open with care.  if you get fired for lookin at this shit at work, please know that that is your own horny little fault.


ps – here’s a sex tape supposedly featuring buckeey.  dont say i aint never gave u nothin.

pps – if your dumbass gets fired for clickin any of those links on the clock, then u deserved it.  cheers again!

bush & mccain: ‘let us eat cake!’

im such a dirty thief today.  apologies, but i really wanted to share this with ppl.

ever wonder what mccain and bush were doing on August 29th, 2005, the day that Hurricane Katrina hit?

they were totally gettin crunk with a birthday cake celebrating mccain’s 278th 69th birthday.  barack and al gore were busy trying to save NOLA, though.  party poopers!

“mmm.. baby tears and destruction! your favorite!”


a general list of celebrity crackheads

i dont know if this is a countdown list or what.. im thinking it cant be, cause the biggest (crack)rock stars arent in the top 20, in my humble opinion.

anyway, i just stole this from popcrunch.  it contains all your favorite puffers and blowers–Snoop, Bobby & Whitney, DMX, Big Baby Jesus, Andy Dick, etc etc.  but i was surprised at some of the folks listed, like Orlando Brown and Haley Joel Osmet, the cute little muppet who saw dead people.  smh.  save the babies!

you won’t be at all surprised by who got #1.  very deserving.

michelle obama to the clintons: ‘stfu, hax!’

i dunno how old this is, and tactic wise, i dont know how much of this is new.  and when it comes to politics, i dont know nothin bout nothin.  but even i know that hilary and bill been on some othershit with the mudslingin lately.  like, for real.  let ME be obama’s wife.  i’d be ready to see either one of them clintons in a dark alley over them talkin wreckless about my man.  i never even considered how his *real* wife (i’m hatin, btw) feels abt it and what she’s said, if anything at all.

today though, i run across this.  now i admit, my personal feelings for Obama have kept me from liking or even considering his wife at all.  it kinda kills my lusting for him, you know?  but, i have to say that her response was well put together and professional while retaining a bit of bite and venom, and i respect that.  i bet i know what she really wanted to say though.  allow me to translate:

“In the past week or two, another candidate’s spouse has been getting an awful lot of attention. ”  – translation:  “Oh I’m sorry, Bill, I didn’t know YO punk ass was runnin for president again.  What’s that?  You’re not?  Oh.  …stfu then.”

“We knew getting into this race that Barack would be competing … with Senator Clinton and President Clinton at the same time.” – translation:  “You owe her after creepin up in somebody else’s sheets.  We understand that, homie.”

“We expected that Bill Clinton would tout his record from the nineties and talk about Hillary’s role in his past success. That’s a fair approach and a challenge we are prepared to face. ” –  translation:  “True, yall did what yall did and everything, and it was cool and all, I’m not hatin on that.”

“What we didn’t expect, at least not from our fellow Democrats, are the win-at-all-costs tactics we’ve seen recently. We didn’t expect misleading accusations that willfully distort Barack’s record.”  – translation:  “Yall muhfkers is DIRTY.  If yall want a fight, you goin after the wrong person, COME SEE ME.”

“Barack Obama isn’t relying on a former president of the United States to campaign for him.” – translation:  “Hillary Clinton is relying on a former president of the United States to campaign for her.  …Bitch.”

“He’s relying on us — you, me, and hundreds of thousands of people like us who are giving whatever they can afford to support this movement.  Please stand up in the face of these new attacks. Make your first online donation of $50 today and own a piece of this campaign …” – translation:  “The doors of the church are open.  We’ll start the collection plate at the left side of the sanctuary.”

now once again.  i do NOT think hillary clinton is a bitch at all.  i actually respect her a great deal.  but all i know is if *i* was married to Obama and she & her dude get to talkin like they have been?  all bets are off.  it’s go time.

i guess that’s why im not married to Obama.

sigh.  pour me another drink.

def jam to nas: ‘nigga, please!’

so there’s rumors flurrying about that def jam is finna drop nas from the lable due to the title of his new album (entitled “Nigger”).  i jacked this from somebody who jacked it from  now, it’s mediatakeout, and they’re in the process of getting sued for misinformation, so.. have your grains of salt ready.  this is a quote from their insider:

“There is no way that we can put out an album with that title. Many retailers have already told us – flat out – that they won’t carry [an album with that title] … Nas’ last album [Hip Hop Is Dead] sold pretty well, but not well enough for the headache he’s causing [the label].”

to re-cap:  wanna say ‘nigger/nigga’ every other line in your multi-platinum hippety-hoppety rap song?  cool.  wanna put the word on the front of the album?  uncool. 

asked to comment, def jam remarked:  ‘don’t trust them new niggas over there.’ 

kanye reaches the black youth

who says kids don’t listen anymore?  they may not listen to you, or to their moms and dads, or their teachers, but bet your life that they’ll listen to their favorite rapper!  remember how kanye totally hated george bush on national television?  the babies heard it.  and they, too, agree.

she sooo just gave him the N!gga Please Award.

it dont even stop there.  hilary catches one too.  (i jacked these from okayplayer, btw)

i really hope their parents put them up to this.

and because things are always funnier with captions,

i dont really think hilary’s a bitch.  but this little girl clearly does so i put it there for her.

& bush, lolcat style:

i really do think he’s tryin to eat her soul, though.  so that’s there for me.

thank you, kanye.

it’s amazing what gums will do for a guy.

he is an angry beaver no more.  curtis finally decided to start actin like he had some money and go see a dentist.  he looks pretty good! 

the bad news is that this oral upgrade is gonna mean a gangsta downgrade.  thugs dont go to the dentist.  they just keep their teeth jacked up & shoot anybody who makes fun of them. 

50’s new teeth (right); when asked to comment, 50’s old teeth (left) remarked that they were going to (quote) ‘ride on them wankstas’ (end quote).
**swagger jacked from young, black & fabulous.

lol @ ur lives.


People Exclusive

Eddie Murphy, Tracey Edmonds Suddenly Split


Eddie Murphy, Tracey Edmonds Suddenly Split
Eddie Murphy and Tracey Edmonds have called it quits just two weeks after their intimate wedding, PEOPLE has learned exclusively.

“After much consideration and discussion, we have jointly decided that we will forego having a legal ceremony as it is not necessary to define our relationship further,” Murphy and Edmonds tell PEOPLE in an exclusive statement. “While the recent symbolic union in Bora Bora was representative of our deep love, friendship and respect that we have for one another on a spiritual level, we have decided to remain friends.”

The couple exchanged vows in a sunset ceremony on New Year’s Day on a private island off Bora Bora in French Polynesia. But, according to a source, the honeymoon got off to a rocky start.

“Eddie started yelling at Tracey in front of people,” says one of Edmonds’s wedding guests. “He did it on a few occasions and it was very embarrassing.”

Since the couple’s nuptials took place in a foreign country, the wedding was purely ceremonial – not legal. Murphy, 46, and Edmonds, 40, originally said they planned to have a legal ceremony in the United States, but that is now off.

Murphy and Edmonds started dating in the fall of 2006 and got engaged last July.

lmao @ ‘after much consideration and discussion.’  yall jokers was married for 3 hours, yall aint have time for no ‘much consideration and discussion.’  lol.
its awesome when i feel better than famous people. 🙂

dear god: please put mary j. on crack again.

please wait until i’ve spoken my piece before u judge me. thanks.

so mary j blige used to be one of my favorite singers ever when i was younger. i can remember sittin in the middle of my floor as a wee babe writing a letter to mary as if mary would open and read it. i put a picture of myself in it and everything. i was sending it to her fan club’s address. the letter came back, btw. welcome to my most painful moment of rejection ever. well, second to my dad runnin out on me and all. how come my father dont want me, man?! (c) will smith.. yall member that episode?? child abandonment is entertaining! anyway. big fan of mary j. she did two of my favorite albums of all time–‘what’s the 411’ (i bought the remix album. how come they dont do remix albums no more?) and ‘my life.’ like… man, i can remember sittin in ms. bonee’s 7th grade whatever class.. i think she taught some sort of science, and i would sit in that class and write the lyrics to my favorite songs in poem form cause the teacher was dense and no one ever listened to her. one afternoon some jackhole of a boy snatched my paper as i was writin the lyrics to ‘my life’ and took it to the teacher. she read it and then she looked at me with a squinted, hopeful eye as a paperwad flew past her head and asked, gingerly:

‘did you write this?’

and i cld tell that she thought she had discovered the next great poet of our time. but i said no, and a second wad of paper smacked her in the side of the head, and so ends that tender moment.

the point im takin so long to make is that 90s mary j blige was *awesome.* im talkin biggie smalls hook sangin, k-ci from jodeci lovin, bubble coat wearin, grand puba co-rhymin mary. like i mean, im glad that she’s happy. really. im just gettin tired of hearin about it. it’s what i call the india(dot)aire effect. india has an awesome voice (mary, not so much though, id argue), and the stuff she sang about on her first album was really, really important. and it wasnt less important on the second album.. it was just like an unneccessary exclamation point to the first. and by the third it was just fucking annoying. OKAY. WE GET IT. YOU’RE NOT YOUR HAIR AND YOU LOVE YOURSELF. STFU. i see mary travelling the saaaaaaaaaaaaame worn path.

now u may be askin urself, ‘self, how come it doesnt get annoying when folk only sing about pain and trials and hardships?’ because, man, that’s the stuff that makes *good* music. great pain breeds great art. ain’t that how the sayin goes? is that even a saying at all? if not, it is now, cite me when u use it. but really. more people know drama better than sublime, uninterrupted happiness, i think. plus happy people are just grating after awhile, no? i dunno. maybe its just me.

this whole train of thought was brought to you by the letters L, Q, the number pi, and David Gregory’s superbowl shuffle (i swagger jacked this from

now i think it’s awesome that gregory likes mary j blige. but how completely and utterly dope would it be if he liked mary j blige featuring craig mack?? uber awesome.

but really, im happy mary got her life back together. i still say one last album production-long relapse wouldn’t hurt nobody.

is he 18 yet? + in defense of amy (for once)

here’s a quick 2 piece for yall:

firstly, mike from HBO’s ‘the wire’:

tristan wilds aka mike from the wire
i bet this one tastes like sunshine & flintstone vitamins. 10 million strong & growing INDEED.

so i know he looks like he’s about 12 in that picture. and there’s a good chance that he probably was. but! good news! according to wikipedia, he was born in 1988 which makes him.. let’s see.. carry the one.. put a decimal point here… that would be a strapping and completely legal 20 years old soon, if not by now (sidebar: how fucked up is it that kids born in 1988 are even CLOSE to 20?? i feel beyond old!) . now the thing is, u have to watch the show to get the full grasp of the budding sexiness (plus its an awesome show and yo monkey asses shld be watchin anyway). but yeah, im callin it. as soon as he can grow a beard: fie fie delish.


im not aware if ppl know that amy winehouse used to be hot. well, correction: that she used to let her style team *make* her hot. its pretty clear that she’s got some pretty unfortunate genes and biological shit goin on. but yeah man, ever since those pictures of amy with her new blonde hurrdo surfaced, ppl have just been vicious! and i mean its not like it was without reason.. she do still look a mess. but still. my concern here is that ppl think she was ALWAYS a mess. untrue. looka here:

see? she didn’t always look like eats nothin but vienna sausages and bathes in bong water.

..she does now tho. that blonde hair aint change nunna that :/

amy amy amy
swagger jacked from