thanks to d @ AD for this!
little kid sees lobster for the first time.
ovaries. taking. over.
must. reproduce. NOW.
LOOK AT THESE BEAUTIFUL BABIES!!!!!!!! MY OVARIES ARE RIOTING RIGHT NOW!!!!
THIS is what black history month is all about, (mister) Charlie Brown.
this has already been established.
but this really, really helped to solidify it.
PREACH, DADDY!! YO U BETTA PREACH!!!
PANTS ON THE GROUND
PANTS ON THE GROUND
LOOKIN LIKE A FOOL WITCHO PANTS ON THE GROUND
WITH THE GOLD IN YO MOUTH
HAT TURNED SIDEWAYS PANTS HIT THE GROUND
CALL YOURSELF A COOL CAT LOOKIN LIKE A FOOL
WALKIN ROUND TOWN WITCHO PANTS ON THE GROUND
GIDDEYUP! HEY! GETCHO PANTS OFF THE GROUND
PANTS OFF THE GROUND, MOTHERFUCKER
GET YOUR FUCKING PANTS OFF THE GROUND! SHIT!!
AND DON’T BE RUNNIN IN AND OUT THIS HOUSE EITHER, YOU MAKIN MY LIGHT BILL GO UP!!
i think it was to send you all a gospel version of the electric slide/cha cha slide/cupid shuffle.
heard this on the radio. it’s called the ‘sanctified slide.’ heard it in the car the other day. immediately said to myself ‘SWEET MOSES, PLEASE LET THERE BE A VIDEO.’ and you know what? there totally is.
i’m not sure why all of this made me so happy. i think i just like it when they make gospel versions of things that weren’t gospel in the first place. like if they made a gospel version of ‘pumps and a bump?’ i’d actually buy it. i haven’t bought a CD since 1999. damn a CD, even, i’d get that on cassingle. i also really like the dude calling out the moves. Jr. Deacon Thompson. in his pink tommy polo. i bet he wears that to every 1st Corinthian Leather Baptist Church picnic.
for those of you dancing along at home, the dance steps are as follows:
1 – walk in the spirit (even the spirit appreciates a good two-step)
2 – shake the devil off (did u know that jesus harlem shook lucifer away during the temptation on the mount?)
3 – stomp satan lower (satan: “ARISE, MINIONS! TONIGHT WE SHALL TORMENT THE EARTH AND CURSE ALL THAT IS—wait.. wait a second… is that Sister Jenkins orthopedic nursing shoes i’m feeling? shit. we gotta try this again tomorrow night, guys.”)
4 – dance like david danced (apparently, after slaying goliath, he threw his hands in the air and proceeded to wave them as if he just didn’t care. in a circle.)
GO IN PEACE + SIN NO MORE. also, clap, clap-clap your hands. amen.
so. im sitting here in my room, watching my big extra super fantastic big ol screen tv when it suddenly explodes, displaying 40 inches of ridiculousness in the form of the commercial i’m about to show you. before we get to the viewing, let me tell you a bit about the company.
Mo Money Taxes is apparently a tax preparation service. they seem to have found some level of success, since, according to the website, they have multiple offices pretty much all over the American south, and also some midwestern states.
that being said, let me tell you that this particular commercial features a large white man with green hair yelling phrases such as: “I’M TOE UP FROM THE FLO UP!”, “BLAME IT ON THE AH-AH-AH-AH-AH-AHKKAHOL!”, “WHERE DEY DO DAT AT?!'” and “CALM THE HELL CALM DOWN!” it also features an angry man standing and yelling “IT’S FINNA GET REAL UGLY UP IN HERE!'” ready?