Category Archives: why

urban fiction novel of the day

“Thong on Fire” by Noire.

She lay on the bed beneath him, filling her lungs slowly beneath his weight.  She liked the feel of every part of him–his beard scratching at the smoothness of her cheek, his tongue, hot and wet, playing along her earlobe, his fingertips tightening the slightest bit around her wrists.

“Oh, D’Clarkeon,” she whimpered in his ear, squirming.

“You like that, Sh’Quaydra’Nique?” he cooed back.  By the way she was beginning to squirm, he already knew the answer.  …Or so he thought.

“Yes, baby, it feels good, but something is wrong,” she said, throwing a hard arch into her back and pulling violently at the thong she wore.

“Yeah, you can’t wait to get outta them draws, can you girl?” he said.

“NO!” she screamed, throwing him off of her. “It burns!  It BURNS!!  Lord Jesus in heaven it feels like I’m bout to birth Beelzebub!!!”

It was then that she knew she had to tell him about the gonorrhea.

(h/t to britters_43!)

(note:  actual title of an actual book, but not the actual text of said book.  but it probably should be.)

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roland s. martin: the s is for “swagger.” apparently.

hey,  hey, brotha.  remember last weekend when you were getting ready for the club, and you had on your finest steve harvey suit with your mint green gators, and you jumped back, intending to kiss yourself, but instead found yourself gazing in the mirror saying, “damn.  if only this outfit had just a little more roland s. martin.”

remember that? oh, it didn’t happen?  oh.

well… pretend it did and keep reading.

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overly committed to the cause? probably.

but that’s how revolutions get done, son!  you gotta be willing to make yourself look like a damn fool bleed and die to advance!

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so steve harvey is hosting the family feud.

"We asked a group of 100 people the following question: YOU LIKE THIS SUIT, PLAYA?"

somebody told me about a week ago that steve harvey and his inverted nipples were hosting the show, and i didn’t believe it.  because i mean, why would that ever happen?  who in jelly jar drinkin glass hell would want his bama ass trying to host a game show where listening to the host speak is important?  but low and behold.. it’s true.  i’ve seen it with my own eyes.  on two separate occassions.

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dear aretha franklin:

AAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHHAHAHHAHHAHAHAAHHAH!!!!!!!

Aretha Franklin: Halle Berry Should Portray Me In Film

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F*@KING BP.

THIS IS YOUR FREAKING FAULT!!

i snapped this at my local Kroger in Louisville, KY.  madness.

mightiest mullet ever.

so a couple weeks ago i was havin lunch with a friend when i think i see something that i possibly couldn’t have seen out of the corner of my eye.  as long as i looked at him head-on, it was evident that i was looking at an asian man dressed in business casual clothing.  but then he turned around and…

‘…is that a tract of hair glued in the center of his head??’

I WAS SO THROWN!!  it really did look like he just had a regular guy’s hair cut and just laid a huge ream of Yaki in the middle of it, creating the mightiest mullet i have ever seen in my life.  and, need i remind you, i live in KENTUCKY, the #2 mullet capital of the world (indiana is #1).

and i dont know if this is racist or not, but what really messed me up about it was the fact that he was asian!  i have NEVER seen an asian man with a mullet before, and to have my first one be so dramatic.. i just didn’t know what to do with it.

so i took a picture of it.

im not good at being inconspicuous with my sneak picture taking so this is the best i could do.