Tag Archives: Barack Obama

Dear Mr. President:

you really need to stop doing this to me.

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you are dead to me, Iago the parrot!!!

"squawk! Polly needs some racial sensitivity classes! squawk!"

i have always defended Gilbert Gottfried when people would talk about how annoying and unfunny he was.  i liked him, largely because Aladdin is/was one of my favorite racist ass Disney movies ever, and Gilbert, of course, was the voice of Iago, Jafar’s hatin’ ass, evil ass sidekick.

turns out that evilness followed Gilbert right out of that soundbooth and has been with him ever since, and is illustrated in this audio clip from Shabooty.com (which i found via fungkeblakchik via twitter) in which he finds it appropriate to call Barack Obama the quote/unquote n-word.

go listen here.  then come back here so we can rant and rave together.  i’ll wait.

ready?

okay.

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president obama is trying to make me break up with him.

truth told, he’s found the way to do it.

i was so excited when i saw that he had my boys goin to the final 4 this march.

i was even more exciteder when i saw he had em goin to the championship game.

but i was PUT OUT when i saw that he got us losing to north carolina!  what the french!!??  how u gon down my dudes like that??  in my life, there are 3 things that u dare not talk about in my presence:  my mama, my weight, or my cardinals.  i really thought i was gonna have to end it over this.

but then i saw that picture of him palming that ball and my ladyparts got all tingly and i forgave him.

anyway.

LOUISVILLE 09!

Obama picks North Carolina to win NCAA title

Associated Press

BRISTOL, Conn.Barack Obama picked North Carolina to defeat Louisville for the NCAA championship, a relatively safe selection for a trailblazing president.

Obama spent part of Tuesday making his tournament picks for ESPN, which posted his completed bracket online Wednesday and showed the First Fan filling it out with Andy Katz on the noon edition of SportsCenter.

The president had top-seeded Pittsburgh join the No. 1-seeded Tar Heels and Cardinals in the Final Four, but chose second-seeded Memphis to beat Connecticut in the West Regional.

Perhaps showing some indecision, Obama initially had the Panthers playing Louisville for the national title in the file posted online. Pitt was scratched out of the title game in favor of North Carolina, which in turn replaced Louisville in the “champion” box.

“Here’s what I like about Carolina: experience and balance,” Obama said.

Familiarity, too. Obama played a pickup game with Tyler Hansbrough and the Tar Heels while campaigning in North Carolina last April.

things chaka khan likes: expensive water, tea, candles.

things chaka khan hates:  alcohol, stairs, and alcohol.

i divined this information from this tour rider i found @ listoftheday via the smoking gun.

khan3

i dunno, call me crazy, but i think she should have been more of an asshole about things.  seriously, if im ever important enough to have a list of demands for things that need to be waiting for me wherever i go?  i’m puttin somebody to WORK.  itd look just like this:

Richy von Moneyheimer (formerly Brokey McPoverty) must have the entire second, fifth, and eleventieth floors completely to herself.  each room should contain the following:

One (1) life sized card-board cut outs of Bea Arthur

One (1) life sized, full length poster of soul singer D’Angelo circa 2000 on the ceilings above the beds.  IMPORTANT:  the poster MUST be of D’Angelo circa 2000. Any resemblance of singer D’Angelo to rap star Ol’ Dirty Bastard  is strictly unacceptable.

Three (3) hundred thousand barillion lbs of crab rangoon from the New Number One Panda Dragon Emperor restaurant

All tubs must be filled with the sweet virgin tears of disillusioned orphans, shed upon the realization that Santa Claus doesn’t exist

Four (4) large bowls of red peanut M&Ms

Four (4) large bowls of blue peanut M&Ms

Two (2) midgets dressed in red and blue M&M costumes

Plenty of room for the aforementioned midgets to enact a Bloods & Crips M&M battle upon request

President-Elect Barack Obama in as little clothing as possible

Lots and lots of security to keep his stronger-than-me wife away from my quarters.

is… is that an ab??

MERRY FUCKING CHRISTMAS INDEED!!!

commence:  obama lust

initiate moist panniedrawls in T-5… 4… 3… 2…

john mccain gets rick rolled

and they talk about liberal media bias?  where were the reports on THIS, huh?  i smell a coverup.

bob cesca to joe lieberman: ‘u R teh sux0rs, n00b!’

i love bob cesca.  i thought i had him in my links, but apparently i didnt before today.  bob is an all around awesome writer & thinker and owner of the best blog name EVER.  he’s got a new book out too!  he’s also a contributor to the Huffington Post, where i ran across his open letter to Joe Lieberman today.  its a great read, but a long one, so i’ll only post pieces and portions here.  if you havent been by his blog yet, you should sooooooooo go.  now.  quickly.  RUN!

Dear Senator Lieberman,

Congratulations! You got away with it! So despite having supported and endorsed the Republican candidate for president — and going so far as to question the patriotism of the Democratic nominee — you’ve managed to keep your chairmanship. By rights, you should’ve been summarily ejector-seated from your committees, bonked on the head with your gavels — cartoon-style — and hauled from the Democratic caucus naked and on a rail whilst being pelted with wadded-up copies of your RNC address.

You got away with it, despite those meddling kids, right?

Not so fast.

I submit to you, Senator Lieberman, that you were punished yesterday more than you realize. Stick with me on this. I’ll explain.

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somewhere, the debarge brothers are dancing in the streets.

& im half sure theyre wearing these same outfits.

& im half sure they're wearing these same outfits.

because, ladies and gaydies, at long, long last, light-skinded men are coming back in style.  hooray!

this comes after the delicious, delicious appointment of barack “sexy casserole” obama and more recently, his appointment of caramel cream colored Eric Holder as Attorney General today.

now, granted, he is no where near touching the all-eclipsing sexiness that is barack o-damn-he’s-fine-bama.  but i mean, i dunno.  if he lost the 80s porn star stache and maybe got a tight little fade goin?  maybe?  we could work with him then?  i dunno. its tough when this man is your competition.

at any rate, Holder’s sexiness isn’t the real point, nor is his porn stache (& thank bob for that).  this is a big day for the light skinned penis-having contingent of this great nation!  everybody knows that when wesley snipes stepped on the scene and malik yoba (he used to be fine, yall remember?) & morris chestnut swooped in as reinforcements, light skinned dudes have kinda been on the back burner.  oh and then djimon hounsou came along and that was IT. what actually did it for me, though, was the 4 years i spent in college.  as ive mentioned, i went to pretty much the whitest school ever created, and while there i became absolutely hungry for ANYTHING black.  so when it came to men, it was the blacker the better for me.  i wanted to be able to put my head on his chest and hear fuckin… sahara war drums beatin, nahmsayin?  i wanted to be able to lick this dude and taste the diaspora.  i needed to be able to just.. just damn, hold his hand and feel the souls of a thousand cotton plants livin in them shits, you know??  that’s how *I* crossed over.

but this aint about me.  let i refocus.

light skinnnit dudes, it’s lookin up!  yall crawlin back in the spotlight!  with wesley’s dumb ass goin to jail and denzel’s prose unable to save him,  and with a few more appointments like this, yall might end up on top again!

i wanted to see how light skinnnedned men around the nation felt about this, so i pulled some strings and talked briefly with a few well-known folks in the black community.  in a B.mc.P Exclusive, i will now share those conversations with you.  first up:  Morris Day.

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too much, even for me?

if anyone has read more than three entries here, then you know how i feel about Obama’s sexiness.  and what you know is the tame version.  if i told you how i REALLY felt, you’d look at me like this.  and then you’d be all like this.  but, i bet at least one or two of yall freaks would be like this, and i worry for your souls as much as i do mine.

but, my friends, as big an Obama perv as i am, i saw this and & i was like THIS.

0_o

i got this from bourgie who got it from glennisha morgan who got it from necole bitchie.

now, this really made me check my pervishness.  a lot of people see this as disrespectful.  if so, then is my open unbridled lusting for him disrespectful too?  i dunno.  this is extra and a mess, but iono that id call it disrespectful.  but, i gotta try and put myself in barack or michelle’s shoes.  if i was barack id either think A – fuck them, they’re calling me a dick, pretty much; or B – hell yeah!  bitches want me in they vajayjays!  if i was michelle, i might feel peeved.  or, maybe id shrug my shoulders and say ‘ah well.  he’s famous.  people fantasize about famous ppl all the time.’  or maybe id be like, ‘let them hoes dream abt havin him while he’s laid up with me.  I WIN YOU LOSE.’  i dunno.

do yall feel this is disrespectful?  funny?  just plain sad?

come tell me about your Barack Day!

okay first things first:

DIDN’T THAT MAN LOOK DELICIOUS ON THE TV LAST NIGHT YALL?!?!

oh my sweet, sweet jesuschild!!!!!  he was SCRUMPTIOUS!!  he had been lookin kinda old and kinda tired, but last night they got them clippers out, hooked up the hairline, shaped up the brows, moisturized the hell out of his skin, and BAM!  President Sexy reporting for duty!  WOO!

now that that’s out of the way,

CONGRATULATIONS YALL!!  im gonna have a long winded wordy response potentially with some pictures later on, prolly tomorrow, but really quickly i want to share with you the three greatest/most hilarious things i witnessed last night.

#1 – i was at an election night watch party at Sole Food here in philadelphia.  free drinks (sort of), free food (i never saw none), and a DJ.  after Obama won a key state, i cant remember which one it was…. the line dances start.  seriously, it was the blackest thing ive ever witnessed.  the cupid shuffle followed by the cha cha slide (has the cha cha slide officially replaced the electric slide??  cause they didnt play that one.  i dont think i’ll stand for that)

#2 – out on market street, right near city hall where they’re doing some drilling and work on the street, two construction workers (black) are sitting.  well one is sitting, the other is standing and leaning down to the other guy and says loudly, through a laugh:  ‘WE GON HAVE FRIED CHICKEN TOMORROW!!’ i instinctively dropped my head, but then i felt torn.  i said, ‘o, my brother, i am shamed.  but somehow.. i want to join you.’

#3 – this was perhaps my favorite.  i saw, with my two own very eyes, a white man walking the streets yelling: FREEDOM!  WE’RE FREE!!! FREEDOM!!

yall.  white people are in the streets proclaiming freedom… i think it’s official now.  lol!

the streets of downtown philadelphia were beautiful last night.  it looked exactly the way i imagine Juneteenth looked when i think abt it.

what was it like in your city??  did people take to the streets?

where did u watch it?  where were you when you realized he got it?

what was your initial reaction?

did you cry?

did you get drunk?

did you take off work today??

tell me all about it!  run!  run to the comments!  at least three people have to because otherwise i’ll look like the kid sitting by herself in the lunchroom!!!